Erin stared at the blank screen of her cell phone and took a deep breath, fingers hovering over the power button.
“This is ridiculous.” she muttered to herself in disgust, grateful that at least Kim was not here to see her acting like a scared fool. She tossed the offending object aside and drew her legs up on the bed, hugging her knees.
A part of her was curious to know what sort of messages Ethan had left on her voicemail, had Nicky told him everything? Was he furious at her for keeping her cousin’s infidelity a secret?
So many questions, and if she wanted answers, she would swallow this irrational fear and call Ethan.
She reached for the phone, then stopped and sighed again.
“Stop being foolish,” she chided in a voice that wobbled with uncertainty.
Goddammit Erin! You’re a grown woman. You’re stronger than this.
Determined, she reached for the phone yet again and turned it on, proud when her grip remained steady. Ethan was just one man – okay – the one man who was extremely capable of turning her insides to jelly with just a single look.
But really, she’d handled him before and she could sure as heck handle anything he threw her way.
Kim came back into the room, proudly displaying a huge tub of ice cream.
“I brought some comfort food!” she announced, handing Erin a spoon while she set the bowl between them on the bed.
“Nothing beats love and depression like ice cream, or at least that’s what the mags say.”
“Thanks.”
Grateful for the distraction, Erin set the phone down, and even though she really didn’t feel like eating, accepted the spoon and dug in, though her eyes kept straying back against her will.
“Have you called yet?” Kim motioned toward the cell phone. Erin shook her head and licked the cold lump off her spoon.
“I don’t think I’m ready for real life just yet.” she mumbled, hating herself for sounding so pathetic. “But I’m dying to know what happened with Nicky, and the only way to get those answers.”
“Just call the guy already.” Kim shot her a stern look. “Look, like I said, avoiding the inevitable is not gonna make it go away. You don’t have to see him or tell him where you are, but from the earlier calls, I’d say Ethan wants to talk, and you’d be a fool not to at least hear the guy out.”
“It’s easy for you to say,” Erin grumbled, stabbing at the yoghurt. “You’ve never had to listen to Ethan when he’s furious.”
“Girl please! Stop making excuses and just call him.” Kim glared at her in exasperation. “It’s been two days, and much as I love you being here and all, sooner or later you’re going to have to deal with this.”
Erin opened her mouth to say something, but Kim soldiered on. “Besides, Heather called, asking if I’d had any contact with you and she sounded so worried. I had to tell her I’d talked to you and that you sounded okay. Don’t look at me like that, you know I had to say something. You don’t want Ethan calling your parents now, do you?”
“God, no!” Erin’s eyes widened in horror at the prospect, the last thing she wanted was for her parents to become involved in this.
Dear God! and they would if Heather or Ethan called saying she was MIA. That would lead to explanations that would spawn even more explanations until the dreaded truth about Nicky came out. Victoria Gosling was as effective as the FBI in rattling out any information she wanted from Erin.
Resolved thickened, she dropped the spoon and reached for the phone and dialled Ethan’s number, pushing back the wave of nausea that swam to her throat as it began to ring.
****
Ethan managed a single knock before his sister-in-law pulled the door open. She took in his rumpled appearance and raised an eyebrow at him in surprise.
“You look terrible,” Jodie greeted, stepping aside so he could enter.
He leaned down to kiss her on the cheek and she wrinkled her nose.
“Christ! You smell too,” she shut the door, then turned and regarded him through narrowed eyes, arms folded across her chest. “Cade said you sounded like hell on the phone, but we didn’t think it’s this bad.”
Ethan waved away her concern and made his way through the foyer into the living room, the aroma of home cooking reminding his stomach that he hadn’t eaten in a day.
“Where’s Cade?” he asked, flopping onto the couch, legs stretched out. He groaned and placed an arm over his eyes as his brain rattled around his skull in protest at the sudden movement.
Christ! He felt like hell, sick with worry and terror. He hadn’t heard a word from Erin yet, and just about exhausted every possible idea of where she could be. He’d called his older brother as a last resort, hoping Cade would use his police contacts to find Erin.
“He had to pick the kids from school. But he’ll be back, soon.”
He heard her leave the room but didn’t bother opening his eyes. An image of Erin swam before the closed lids, and Ethan felt longing spear through him. He’d been haunted by images of her just before he’d kissed her in the hallway, as though his brain had been hot wired to torture him with memories of what he’d thrown away by acting the fool.
Jodie came back into the room and the next thing, Ethan felt a cool, dampness on his forehead. He opened his eyes to see the wet cloth she held against his head.
“For the headache,” She explained, her eyes filled with concern. “And I would recommend a shower and something to eat before you expire on my couch. Your brother would kill me if I let you drop dead.”
“He’d have to go through my ghost first.” Ethan muttered, grateful for the cold compress. He made an effort to sit up and rubbed his chin, grimacing at the roughness of the day old beard. “Thanks, Jodie.”
She nodded and sank to the floor beside him. “No problem. Want to talk about it?”
“I’m an ass.” He muttered under his breath, and saw her lips quirk in suppressed amusement.
“Okay,” Jodie said, humor lacing her voice. “Now that we’ve established that fact, why do you think so?”
Ethan filled her in on the details of his actions for the past five years. To her credit, she listened in silence, her face devoid of accusation. When he finished, she sighed and reached up to pull him into a hug.
Ethan let himself be pulled into the embrace, blinking in surprise at how much the simple gesture comforted him. He’d never been a fan of physical contact like this, but just this once, he really needed the comfort. Plus, just talking about stuff had eased the ache in his heart somewhat.
“I’m sure Erin is okay,” Jodie pulled back to look him in the eye. “The poor girl probably just needed somewhere to hide and come to terms with the fact that her life’s been turned upside down. It’s what I would do in her position. So, don’t get too concerned. Erin will turn up when she’s good and ready. And when she does, my advice is to give her some time before you reveal your feelings. Trust me on this, Ethan, if you make a move too soon, she’s going to run again, because she’ll think your feelings changed only because her cousin – who is a total bitch by the way – told you the truth.”
“Yeah, shit!” Ethan passed a hand over his face, tired beyond belief. “Erin may never believe me at all, not after I acted like an asshole for so long.”
“There’s that possibility,” Jodie agreed, and his heart sank. “But if Erin cares about you, she may reconsider and forgive you.”
“So, I just have to play the waiting game?” Ethan muttered, not happy about that, but if waiting was what it took to get Erin, hell he would wait.
“Forget games Ethan,” Jodie scowled, “No woman wants to hear her affections described as a game or whatever, it’s demeaning and she’ll never take you seriously.” At his contrite expression, her face relaxed into a smile, and then she sniffed. “ET, I love you and all, but you’re stinking up my house.” She wrinkled her nose at him and he groaned but got to his feet and staggered towards the guest room.
As he stepped out of the shower, his phone rang.
******
Ethan picked up on the second ring.
“Erin?”
His deep voice filled Erin with longing, and instantly tears flooded her eyes. She took deep breaths to calm down, her mind forming a vivid picture of his face, those piercing eyes and strong jaw she had come to love so deeply.
“Jesus, Erin! Are you okay?” he sounded worried, anxious, with no trace of the anger she had been so afraid to hear, “please tell me you’re okay, please.”
He was worried about her! The knowledge thrilled through her spine like a bolt of happiness.
“Y.. yeah.” Her voice sounded hoarse and Erin cleared her throat and tried again. “I’m ok.”
She heard him sigh in relief and mutter something that sounded suspiciously like a prayer.
“I was worried, you weren’t answering your calls,” he said. “And no one had seen you. Shit! Erin, don’t do that again. You took thirty years off my life in the past two days.”
“I’m sorry,” she replied, feeling guilty for letting her fears cause him so much worry. “I just… I had to get away for a while and I didn’t think you…”
Her voice trailed away and she stared down at her toes, unwilling to meet Kim’s eyes.
“You didn’t think I’d care.” he finished for her in a quiet, hurt voice and sighed again. “Baby, I don’t blame you for thinking that way. Look, I messed up Erin, and I’d like a chance for us to talk so I can set things right? Please? Where are you now? I can come over, or we could arrange to meet somewhere.”
“I….” She panicked, at the thought of being in the same place with Ethan.
No! The denial rose like a loud chant in her head. Talking to Ethan on phone was one thing, but how could she be in the same room with him without giving away her silly feelings?
He would take one look at her and know she’d fallen for him. And, heaven only knew what he would do, probably laugh in her face then let her down gently.
She looked to Kim for guidance but her friend only shrugged, not understanding.
Erin rubbed at her temples that had begun aching again, suddenly wanting to end this conversation. “Ethan, I…. I have to go now. Maybe we’ll talk later, okay?”
She ended the call and hugged her knees again, wide eyed at what she’d done.
“What? What did he say?” Kim leaned forward with a puzzled frown, at the sheer panic in Erin’s expression. “Did he yell at you?”
Too stunned for words, Erin could only shake her head, eyes fixed on some distant thought.
“Then why do you look like you a frightened deer?”
“It’s nothing.” She whispered, then jumped as the phone began to ring again. She stared at the object as though it had sprouted fangs until Kim reached for it and turned it off.
“I guess you really weren’t ready to talk to him. But I’ve never seen you act like this.” Kim said softly, placing a comforting hand on Erin’s knee.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” she muttered, burying her head between her knees, blocking every other thought from her mind.
******
She’d sounded terrified.
Ethan stared at the phone, brows furrowed as he tried to make sense of what had just happened. Had he said something to scare her off? His mind ran through the short conversation again. Erin had sounded normal until he’d suggested they talk, that’s when things had gone wrong.
He sighed in barely contained frustration, raking a hand through his damp hair. he shouldn’t have pushed too hard and should have listened to Jodie and just let her come to him on her own terms. The fact that Erin had called him was something to be thankful for, at least she hadn’t written him off completely. He still a chance. He didn’t have to wait to prove how sorry he was, he was going to start by trying to straighten out the mess he’d made of her life.
Ethan dialled Marcus’ number.
“Marc, listen,” he began as soon as his friend picked up. He rattled off a dozen instructions, ignoring his friend’s protests. He called his assistant next and spent the next few minutes making plans.
Afterwards, he donned the t-shirt and jeans Jodie had left for him, then made his way to the den, following the sound of voices where he found the family gathered around the TV.
Lola spotted him first and with a shriek of delight, flung herself at Ethan, Justin following a split second later.
“Uncle ET!” The chorus of voices filled the air as he picked his nephew up and swung him up eliciting shrieks of delight and cries of “my turn!”
“Hey, Shortstuff!” Ethan ruffled Justin’s brown hair, grinning like a loon. “How’s it hanging? Have you given your dad a heart attack yet?”
The four year old giggled. “No, but Mummy says I give her nightmares. Lola lost a tooth yesterday Uncle, and daddy says she’s all growed up now.”
“Really?” Ethan gasped in fake surprise, shooting a grin at Lola who grinned back, displaying teeth with two gummy spaces in between.
“Awesome!” He looked up to meet his brother studying him intently.
Holding onto Justin, Ethan moved close and took the seat opposite. “Hey Bro!”
Cade’s face split in a wide, mischievous grin. “You look better than I expected. Jodie told me you looked like shi… ahem… a troll.”
He cast an apologetic glance at his wife who frowned at the close profanity.
“What’s a troll, Uncle?” Justin asked, giving him a curious look.
“It’s an ugly person.” Lola cut in, with all the superiority of a seven year old. “But Uncle ET’s not ugly. Aunt Claire says he’s so handsome, girls die on his legs.”
The adults choked back laughter, and Jodie rose. “C’mon kids, you’ve seen your uncle, now it’s time for a nap. Ethan, I warmed up some food, it’s in the kitchen.”
After assuring the kids that he’d still be here when they woke up, Jodie ushered her progeny out of the room, leaving the brothers to talk in privacy.
“So,” Cade leaned forward, grabbing the remote to flip through to a sports channel. He pierced his younger brother with an amused look. “Jodie tells me you’ve been pussy whipped. Congratulations lil’ bro, it’s about time. “