I threw my head toward the very heavens, my entire world crumbling around me. I’d been the monster, a man with no soul. Not Stefan. Not sweet and loving Stefan. As the light dimmed from around my eyes, I knew in my heart that I would stop at nothing to destroy the person responsible. “No!”
Sierra
Death.
I couldn’t stop thinking about darkness and death as I paced the floor in the living room floor, trying to rationalize why I had such morbid thoughts. Something was wrong. I knew it. Lorenzo had been gone for hours. I walked into the kitchen, staring at the clock over the stove. It was after two in the morning. Anxiety swept through me, my heart beating irregularly.
Wait a minute. We weren’t a couple, no matter the deal that was struck. For all I knew, he was out drinking and dancing with several women. I was merely an inconvenience for him; he felt an obligation to help me given I’d ended up on his doorstep.
No, I refused to think this way.
I pulled a bottle of water from the refrigerator, my nerves remaining on edge. While Lorenzo was callous, harsh, and unforgiving, I didn’t see him as a womanizer. Then again, what did I know? Everything he’d told me all those years ago had been a lie. His profession? Stockbroker. His hometown? St. Louis. I’d bought his lines of bullshit. I doubted his favorite color was even orange. He’d wanted nothing more than a quick fling. No ties. No remorse.
He isn’t the only one to blame.
My inner voice jabbed at my current level of guilt. I’d told a few little white lies myself. At that point, I’d been a nobody, writing fluff pieces for the Baltimore Sun, barely making enough money to keep my landlord from evicting me. The only reason I’d been able to go on the trip with my girlfriends had been because one of them had insisted I go along, funding the lion’s share of the whole thing. I’d mentioned I was a hotshot reporter out of Los Angeles.
A laugh bubbled across my lips. What right did I have to chastise him for anything he’d told me?
If I’d known who he was, would I have moved to Chicago even given my father’s encouragement? Likely not. Or maybe. Yes. Hell, I didn’t know. I wasn’t making myself feel a damn bit better. The only truth in what we’d shared had been physically, our connection stronger than anything I’d experienced before, but there was no way to make a real life that way.
Let alone pretend we’d entered into some kind of relationship.
After heading back into the living room, I walked the perimeter of the room, trying to get a better feel for the man himself. While there were books on the shelves, even magazines, I had no doubt he hadn’t read a single one of them. They were props, much like almost every aspect of his house. There were no family portraits, no telltale signs of his love of sports or music. Nothing.
It was as if he existed more than lived, although the house and surrounding grounds had to have cost him a fortune. I continued my search, finally the only thing of real interest a vast array of DVDs, the collection he’d amassed amazing. He had hundreds of them. Nothing could have shocked me anymore. I didn’t take Lorenzo as a hermit, but if he had to constantly look over his shoulder, maybe movies were his respite.
As I looked through the various titles, initially there were no surprises. He did have a love of basketball and football, several of the DVDs highlighting various players through the years. The action movies were typical and very much a guy thing.
Then there were the few surprises. Romances. Comedies. I chuckled as I pulled a few of them from the cabinet, running my finger across the covers. Not a single one of them had any plastic wrap. They’d been seen at least once.
By whom?
The dark and dangerous man? The one with no love for anyone? I was taken aback, holding one of them against my heart. There was much more to this man than he wanted anyone to know about.
After carefully placing the movie back in its exact location, a smile magically appeared on my lips. Maybe he was a man I could learn to care about.
That is, if he was still alive. Should I even care? I had to face the fact that what we’d shared a lifetime ago had affected me, the dark passion changing my perception of what I wanted out of a relationship.
You’re not in a real relationship. Everything you’ve shared was fake.
My inner voice struck again and she was right. We couldn’t go back to the past, the days of perceived innocence. However, I didn’t want him hurt.
Finally, I couldn’t take it any longer.
I raced toward the front door, throwing it open. Both men standing guard reacted quickly, reaching for their weapons as they rushed inside.
“Are you all right, miss?” one of them asked, standing ready to take out any perpetrator.
After closing the front door, the other soldier stormed into several of the rooms. They’d been well trained, their security detail made clear.
“I’m fine, but I know something is wrong with Lorenzo.” I took several steps backwards, wringing my hands.
The second and larger man walked back into the foyer, darting a glance at the other soldier. “It’s all clear. What do you mean something is wrong? Did he contact you?”
“No. I don’t have a phone. Just a gut feeling I have. It’s very late. He was just going out for a business dinner.” I heard the ridiculous whiny tone in my voice, a clear indication that I’d allowed myself to care just like I had before. Damn it. I’d thought of him far too often in the last several hours, trying to determine why my feelings were all over the map.
Because you’re afraid of getting hurt.
Again.
They shared another look between each other. “I wouldn’t worry, miss. Lorenzo can take care of himself.” The first soldier slipped his gun into his shoulder holster, trying to give me some sort of a smile. Both of them thought I was ridiculous. He was a powerful mafia leader after all.
“I realize who and what he is, but I would feel better if you attempted to contact him.” I studied the first soldier’s face, wondering how anyone could enjoy being a part of this life. His nose had been broken several times, now permanently crooked. The scar under his eye was recent, almost taking out a portion of his vision. Even one of his fingers was crooked, indicating a hardcore break at some point. I envisioned the kind of torment he must have endured and shuddered. This wasn’t a life I understood or could tolerate. He seemed to notice I was studying him like some specimen, fisting his hands and giving me a respectful nod.
“Boss doesn’t like to be disturbed,” the second soldier stated, easing closer.
“Look, if he says anything, tell him I’m to blame. There is something wrong. I’m telling you.” Now I was exasperated. Why?
The two men simply looked at each other.
“Humor me. Okay?”
The first soldier sighed, pulling out his phone. “I’m certain he’s fine. Certain business meetings go on for hours.”
“If that’s the case, I won’t bother you any longer.” I stood my ground, glancing from one to the other.
He hesitated another few seconds before punching in a single number, turning away from me. The moment I walked closer, the second brute held out his arm, shaking his head. I wasn’t to interfere.