Amanda
This was my second time painting freely without any inhibition. I was having my ups and downs, my emotions were all over the place. I was painting freely, canvas after canvas.
At some stage I was raging on to my canvas, brushing colors on top of another. I was trying to get it to the right shadowing effect that I wanted, then switching it to another canvas and slowing everything down as my heart desires. Then I started the process all over again, I didn’t stop until I was down to my last smaller size canvas.
It was almost five in the morning, when I finished everything then I moved back and hugged myself. I slowly slumped down to the floor, all the nothingness that I was felling the whole day was bubbling up to the surface.
My hands were trembling as I drop the paintbrush, I wasn’t even using my palette anymore. The mixture of colors was on my hands and on my thighs, I was too amped up to mix it onto the palette.
But then my eyes were seeing my complete works as it laid there in random order, it wasn’t clear before but then I realized it was bruises. I was painting my memory of the bruises that Troy had given me, and these were the bruises that I had buried deep in my subconscious mind.
The ones from my earlier months of being married to him. He did abuse me from the very start, I just chose to ignore it thinking that it was my fault.
What made me let out my tears was the second painting, it was my hip. The dark coloring marked the amount of force that he used to kick me.
I was coming home one night, and he was pushing me to the kitchen wall raging mad at me. He was saying that he saw me with another man and that I let him hugged me. He slapped me a couple of times and called me names, then he kicked me hard on my side. But what he didn’t know was that the guy, Aiden was congratulating me on our pregnancy.
That night I bleed and he took me to some shady clinic trying to conceal his evidence of abusing me. I lost the baby as they did an emergency procedure on me. It didn’t end there, they were also saying that I might not be able to carry another child because of it. I kept on crying the whole ride back to our place, then he slaps me again telling me to be quiet.
Since then on, I was his punching bag and I let him. I was naively in love with him and convince myself that this was the only way that I could keep his love.
The memory suddenly washed me with tears, I couldn’t stop crying, my body couldn’t stop shaking. This was years of memories of him abusing me, that I was suddenly remembering.
I had fallen asleep on the floor when Angelica wakes me up. The sun was shining brightly on my tear-streaked face.
“Goddamn Amanda! Why didn’t you call me? I knew one of us should stay with you last night. Oh, honey…. it’s okay now, he’s dead, I’d kill him again with my bare hands if he’s still alive.” Then she looked at my paintings and gasped, then hold me tighter in her embrace. I could feel her tears falling down to my cheek.
“God Amanda, I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry for not being with you last night. I’m so sorry honey…” she cried with me as we both hold each other, and I let her cuddle me in her arms.
Minutes passed when she finally told me to sit on the sofa.
“I’m going to make our breakfast and coffee, okay, you can go back to sleep again, I’m not leaving you alone.” She went to the kitchen and finally picked up her phone, and was whispering to the other line.
I looked at the surroundings, the whole floor was a mess of paint tubes and brushes over an overused large cloth. My paintings were scattered on the floor and some were on the easels. But I was too tired to care, as darkness surrounds me once again.
The warmth and the familiar manly scent suddenly woke me up. “Dale…” I let out a raspy whisper, apparently, I had cried out my voice.
“Amanda, I’m here baby… I got you… rest a bit longer, Angie is preparing your bath… then it’s coffee and breakfast. We’re pampering you today okay? … You had been working too hard last night.” Dale said calmly, though I saw him clenched his jaw several times already, and cleared his throat as if he was too choked up to continue on with his words. His eyes were giving me all kinds of expression. But love was the feeling that I received from his kiss to my temple.
I snuggled in closer just the way that I like it, making him chuckled and pulled me in closer to his hug.
“I love you, Dale…”
“I love you my sweet, more than you can imagine…” he whispered softly as he caresses my hair.
“Come on Dale her bath is set, get your woman clean up or she will be permanently rainbowed,” Angelica said as she patted my head, just like a mom would to her kid.
I rolled my eyes at her, telling her there’s no such word as rainbowed.
“You’re going to be one great mom Angie, tell Ivan that and stop messing with you and marry you already.”
“Aww… Dale, you’re such a dad. I think he has a daddy issue here… am I right Amanda?” she winked at me. I finally formed a smile on my face, and let out a small laugh.
I was getting off of him and about to head to for the bathroom when Dale suddenly picks me up and start carrying me there.
“Okay, I’m off… I need to pick Dennis up from my mom, just tell me if you need me okay? I don’t want her to be left alone, do you hear me, Dale?” She asked sternly while gathering her stuff into her purse.
“God… look who has mommy issues here… I got her Angie, I’ll call you if I need a sitter. But I think I’m good, I’ll probably take her everywhere just to make sure she’s never alone.” He grinned and kept on walking to the bathroom.
“So, now let’s get you squeaky clean then we’ll head back to mine.” He undressed me, and help me into the bath.
“I’m going to tidy the living room, and get your painting supplies in order so we can bring it back to my place. You will paint there, I have another room that I think is perfect for your studio.” He left me with a kiss and said that he would be back to check in on me. I sighed and rest my head to the tub, the warm bubbly bath water relaxes me instantly.
I closed my eyes and rest while waiting for Dale. I’m safe now… it’s over…