I sat back down on the chair close to her bed, but she turned her face to the opposite direction.
“Livy… Please can we talk?” I requested politely and tiredly.
She finally looked my way and smiled deviously.
“Of course, Markian. Let’s talk. We are married, aren’t we?” She replied coldly.
“What is the matter? Please… tell me so I can help you. Is it because of what happened to your mother? I’m really sorry that I convinced you to accept her conditions so she would have the surgery. What did I do so wrong that you would choose to hurt me this way, huh? Trying to take your life? Do I mean nothing at all to you?” I asked sadly with tears in my eyes.
She had tears in her eyes too and I was confused, trying to find out what’s going on with her.
What is she fighting with exactly?
“You- mean- nothing to me Markian. I… feel suffocated every time I see you because I can’t love you. And if I force myself to love you then I can’t love myself nor will I be able to put my needs before yours. This- this is what happens when I try to put meaning into what we have.” She replied, pointing to her wrist with the bandage.
Her words were piercing my heart and it hurts, but I refused to believe them. If this was a test, I hope it ends soon because, I don’t think my poor heart could take more of this.
“I don’t… understand” I managed to voice out.
“You would, if only you listen. You- never lis…” she started,
“Don’t you dare say that I don’t listen, because I- fucking listen! I’m trying to listen right now, but you aren’t saying shit that makes sense. You mean to tell me that every word- you said to me this past week have been a lie?! You want me to believe that I am the reason you choose to kill yourself?!” I yelled frantically, as I stood up from the chair suddenly.
Finally, I was exploding at the fact that I’m trying to understand her, but she keeps saying I don’t listen.
What more does she want me to hear before my heart is completely ripped out?
I stretched my hands and grabbed her by the shoulders looking her straight in her eyes.
“Livy… I told you I’ll forgive any mistake you make, and I told you that if you’re ever unfaithful, that I’ll restore back your faith in me, and if you lose all faith, I’ll convert you again. But I can’t insist on trying to make things work if it will cost you your life. So, if you wanted to leave me, I wouldn’t have stopped you. If you didn’t want me in your life anymore, I would have walked away no matter how painful and hard it would be. So I ask again, please… tell me what is eating you up? Let me help you” I pleaded earnestly.
I was very tired, and this emotional rollercoaster I was on might just be the end of me.
“No, you wouldn’t have. You are Markian Winfrey, and you try to fix things and make things go your way, all the time. You never would have walked away if I had told you I did want you.” She countered sadly.
“Of course I wouldn’t because it doesn’t make sense why you would want to leave me…” I started but she interrupted,
“Because I’m not good for you! I’m not a good person, Markian and I don’t deserve your love. I- hurt people around me and it kills me everyday because I’m afraid I’ll hurt you too!” She cried out, weeping bitterly.
Somehow, I could tell she was being honest, but I just didn’t want to believe anything she’s trying to say. My heart don’t want to believe those treacherous words.
“That is not true. It’s not true” I countered.
“But it is!… I killed Sophia!… and if you try to come closer to me again, I’ll have to end my life.” she threatened sorrowfully.
It’s all a lie, she’s just spewing lies and there’s no way I’m believing that. No way.
‘She is just saying that to keep me away from her, there’s no way it can be true. She couldn’t have killed her own twin sister, no way’ I thought, as I kept shaking my head in protest.
I heard the door open and I released her from my grip to wipe off tears from my face.
The doctor walked in with Daniel, and said he’ll like to do some examinations, so I nodded in approval.
Daniel then pulled me to the side to speak to me.
“Markian, MCB News reporters and other reporters are flooded outside the hospital, and i think they saw you bring Livy here. If word gets out that she tried to commit suicide…”
“I’ll handle it. Please… ask Heather to keep an eye on Livy, I’ll be right back.” I asserted, as I quickly left the room.
I managed to avoid the press on my way out, as I drove over to the Winfrey Mansion with Livy’s words still ringing at the back of my mind.
*****