Lunch was fleeting and my pleads to make it last forever had no effect on time.
We headed off to the Guthrie theatre and Livy couldn’t help leading small chatters while the play was going on. I would occasionally give her a peck on the cheek or a kiss on the back of her hand and watch her blush so lovely.
It was beautiful seeing her smile and being genuinely happy, and if I could ask for any day in my life to relive, I’ll choose today because I’ve never been more happier.
This kind of happiness is one that not even power, nor wealth, nor fame or family can provide. But it comes with a deep feeling of fear; fear of loss, change and uncertainty.
We got back home around 6:40pm and got ready for a homemade dinner at home. After eating, we moved to the living room with a special bottle of red wine, courtesy of Heather.
Livy was looking flushed even before we finished the wine bottle. I didn’t read the label but I’m sure it had just a moderate mix of alcohol in it.
“Hmm…” Livy sighed, looking up at the ceiling.
“What’s the matter?” I asked concerned.
“I just wished this was our lives- everyday. There’s nothing I’ll love more than to be with you Markian.” She confessed sadly.
Why is she saying that like it’s a tragedy? She just said the words I’ve been wanting to hear for a while now.
Livy still loves me, but somehow it seems she finds her love for me to be strange and kind of a hassle.
“So? I’m here- we both are, so why don’t you take a chance? Livy, I love you so much and I’ve not felt anything like this in a long while. But I’m no simple man, so whatever it is that’s troubling you and making you feel insecure about me- about our marriage, I can help you put them at ease… You can confide in me, because I’ll be here for you always.” I reassured her sincerely.
“And if I made a mistake? Or I commit an unforgettable and unforgivable sin against you, would you still want to be with me?” She asked me with teary eyes.
At this point the music playing in the background was ‘hold me while you wait’ by Lewis Capaldi. What could she have possibly done wrong? How grave of her mistake will I be able to overlook or forgive?
It was beyond my nature as a man and as a businessman to overlook certain things or give second chance- I was groomed to be vicious, skeptical, unforgiving and ruthless.
But seeing that all these are not the qualities that Livy wanted in this relationship to feel secure, I want to change and be a better man.
“I’ll look past it, and I’ll forgive but you’ll need to trust me enough to tell me about it first. My forgiveness isn’t cheap, but you’re someone I love and you’re not someone who would hurt others for no reason.” I replied honestly.
“And Sophia? I heard she hurt and your family ‘for no reason’. Did you ever forgive her?” She asked sending me aback.
Is Livy thinking that Sophy and I had love-hate relationship too? Or is she just trying to know if my family had a hand in her sister’s death?
“I loved Sophy. And until you came along, I didn’t think I’ld love anyone else more than I loved her. So- yes, I forgave her for everything she did because I loved her, but my love wasn’t enough.” I replied bitterly.
The story of my first love wasn’t all cherry blossom and bright meadow as outsiders thought it was, and I won’t lie- it scared me to try and love again.
It scares me that something like that would happen again, but this woman in front of me gaves me hope and courage to want to take a limp of faith.
“I’ve wished and longed for this day so much from the first day I met you. You don’t know this but, I first met you on college grounds one very hot afternoon, and for me it was love at first sight. You didn’t go to my school, because after that day I searched for you throughout the campus but couldn’t find you. Your selflessness that day captured my heart and if only I had been bold enough to ask for your name that day, maybe things would have been different today.” She suggested to my dismay.
The day she spoke about was still very clear to me till date, but that wasn’t the first time we met- she just can’t remember what happened 16yrs ago and I didn’t recognize her either.
All that led to me hurting her so much, but those are the memories are the memories I want to wipe away with so much love and care.
“Why now?… Why are you suddenly trying to make our marriage work- to make us work? Markian, you loathed me and broke me. Every effort I made to get you see that I was not a monster, you turned futile” she stated with great distress.
“I did all that- said all that because I didn’t know. I judge you before I was able to understand you and love you. Which is why I can’t afford to make any more mistakes with you and why I won’t judge you so hastily ever again. I’m so sorry for the pain I’ve caused you,” I apologized with all my heart.
Nothing would hurt me more than to awaken tomorrow and see Livy back to shutting me out again.
And to think of it, I never understood why I took her actions that day- at the Welcoming, to heart.
“Then give me my first kiss. I’ve not been kissed by anyone nor my husband, so kiss me Markian.” She bravely requested.
Her first kiss?
I was astonished by this revelation as I watched her hold up her hair, baring her neck and collar bone seductively.
Damn… this woman is so freaking hot and I loved her so much. She was inviting me to come to her.
Since we’ve been married, it’s been me always forcefully initiating this but at the last hour, nothing ever seems to happen because she always seems to put a stop to it.
I have been a fool all this time, for thinking that Livy could easily be broken with my savage advances. I never even realized that I haven’t been able to land a single kiss with this woman.
My respect for her just increased and I didn’t think of her as easy but as a very strong and smart woman.
At this moment, maybe it’s the wine, or the music or something in the air, but I wanted to kiss everything about her not just her lips. I wanted to appreciate her for being herself- bold, gorgeous and beautiful.
“Are… you sure?” I asked nervously.
“Yes. I want to be yours and you- mine.” She stated effortlessly.
My mind had already gone berserk from her first request, and it’s a miracle I’m still holding back but i needed to be sure.
16years ago she was traumatized and I can’t imagine how life must have been for her after all that, so, for her to ask these of me, I was nervous beyond comparison.
What if I lose control and hurt her? I could never live with myself if that happens.
But I pulled her closer and held her face with one hand. We were on the floor so she let go of her hair and held my waist with one hand while using the other to wedge herself as I arced over her.
I brushed away strands of her hair that was interrupting my casted gaze upon her face. She was so beautiful and more so tonight.
I arced in even further and placed my lips on hers for the very first time and my mind went insane.
Her lips were warm and sensual and inviting, so once I got a taste there was nothing else I wanted than to taste more of it.
I pulled her closer and this time her lips parted allowing me to completely take over.
Mehn!
Right now, all the nerves in my body were starting to pulsate, hunting me each time I release those lips and driving me to capture them again and again, each time more ferocious and passionately than the last.
“Markian? I… want you” she managed to voice out, panting heavily as I paused to look at her.
“Would that be ok?” I asked, also panting as I gazed upon her face and saw her flushed cheek and dreamy eyes.
She nodded as she replied shyly, “I want it… I want you.”
Without sparing a single thought I scooped her from off the floor and carried her upstairs bridal style.
She was staring at me the whole time, blushing as I opened the door to what was supposed to be our matrimonial room, but we haven’t shared it since Jeffery left.