“You shouldn’t have done that, Heather- you shouldn’t have…” he warned breathing heavily and so was I.
“Why not?… I came back to say that I was sorry, and that you’re not just a booty-call or a boy-toy to me. I should never had treated you like one either, so I’m very sorry, Kevin. I’ll do better this time, I’ll make things right…” I confessed shamelessly.
I didn’t noticed I had already started crying until, he pulled me close enough to wipe my tear with his thumbs as he held my face with both hands.
My feelings were all over the place and I had a tight knot in my stomach that was slowly killing me.
“I never should have read meaning to what we had… It was wrong of me. But…” he stated but I interrupted quickly,
“No buts, please… we can start again.”
At this point my heart was breaking, because I knew exactly what he was about to say and I just couldn’t bear to hear, so I kept shaking my head in disapproval and mostly denial.
“Heather, we can’t- we won’t work. I stirred up these feelings in you and that was wrong of me, because you don’t really love me.”
What?… How dare he try to undermine my feels for him? Do I look like a kid who would get confused about her feelings for a guy?
I’m a grown ass woman for crying out loud.
“(sniff)… I know what I’m feeling, Kevin… don’t treat me like a fool because I’m not” I replied, irritated by the idea that he could think so little of me.
“Of course you’re not a fool- You are Heather Winfrey. But whatever you are feeling right now started because I walked out of you house that night. Whether it’s regret or guilt, it only started and intensified with every minute you tried to reach me but I wouldn’t reply. I don’t think one needs a big event to cause a realization in their heart of how much they love someone- I don’t believe that. If you truly love someone, you’ll know from the very first moment.” He stated calmly, and I understood where he was getting at even though I didn’t want to.
“I made a mistake by taking you for granted, because… because I never really thought you’ll ever leave. I don’t want to not have you in my life… isn’t that love? Isn’t it what matters the most regardless of the events that caused the realization?” I asked a bit confused.
Some people need big events to make them realize their feelings, while for some it’s love at first sight. So, what’s wrong if it’s one or the other. Isn’t main concern the fact that it’s still love?
“I’m not the right person for you, Heather. I’m so sorry.” He revealed as his hands slowly dropped from my face to my shoulder.
So, this is a breakup? I didn’t come here for no damn break up. I came here to get my man and that’s what I’ll do.
“Is it because of all the rules? It’s fine now, we can both go on dates and hold hands in public- anything you want, I’ll do it…. Hell- I’ll even stay in Shanghai if that’s what it takes.” I proclaimed stubbornly and boldly.
“I met someone. I’m with someone else and I like her a lot. We are still getting to know each other but I really do like her and I want to be with her” he declared sternly.
I became stiff but with anger not surprise. How long has it been and he has already moved on with someone else?
“Is she wealthy? Does she know you as much as I do? Does she know how you love to scream my name each time we…”
“Heather, stop! I appreciate that you think you love me, but I’m not me when I’m with you. Have you thought about what happens next? Fine, we kiss and make up and eventually starts dating, then what else? You’ll always have to pay for every meal, every ticket, and I’ll always have to concede to you because I can’t afford the things you like and the places you go to. Your type of things, they ain’t my type of things. I’ll always be in your shadow because you are- Heather Winfrey.” He explained and that broke my heart into tiny pieces.
“I can learn. I can learn to step back, to concede and let you take charge…” I started but he interrupted,
“but then that wouldn’t be you at all. And just like how I don’t want to change for you, I don’t want you to change for me or anyone at that… Please believe me when I say i didn’t make this decision in a haste. I thought long and hard before making it. I’m so sorry, but- this is the end for us” he concluded, as his hands completely dropped from my shoulders and he walked away.
At first I just stood there sobbing uncontrollably, unable to move a muscle.
Who decides when it the ends? How do people manage these feelings after a breakup? Because, my feelings were all over the place. I felt like screaming at the top of my voice, but I couldn’t even move.
I was upset at myself for coming here in the first place- I should have just taken the hint already. Or if I had tried to fix things earlier, before going to Minnesota, maybe things would’ve turned out ok.
I was also sad because for the first time in a long time, I felt something strong for a guy but like last time, I couldn’t protect my feelings.
I would’ve cried my eyes out at the parking lot and that wasn’t me. I don’t cry, I haven’t done it in a while- but today I just can’t control myself at all.
My head was bowed and the scarf that covered my head and neck were getting soaked in tears when I had a voice from behind, startling me.
“Are you gonna keep crying here- all alone?” he asked making me jerk in surprise.
As I slowly turned to see who was being so insensitive to my pain, there he was in all his glory. Mr. Callum Jeffery Vincent.