I didn’t want her to drag this issue further, and it’s best if she just keeps shut about because, if the wrong people hear about this matter, it won’t be easy getting her out of it this time around.
“I killed my sister! Your daughter! Don’t you hate me? At least look me in the eyes and tell me you are disappointed in me! You… can’t be so unfeeling to the point that you don’t care about what I do, or the person I turn out to be.” She replied sadly.
Her eyes were swollen prior to coming her, and I knew just how much the truth must be hunting her now, which was what I was avoiding.
But letting her have those memories back would only cause her more pain- so much pain her poor heart won’t be able to contain it.
Oh, forgive me Livy but I can’t fulfill your one desire this time, not after weighting all the risk at hand.
“Your sister is dead! And she died because she was weak but you are strong. You made a sacrifice for the greater good, so why would I hate you for doing that? You don’t have those hurtful memories anymore, so why would you want to remember? Trust me, your life would be easier this way.” I reassured her, hoping- no praying, she would concede.
“Just like 8yrs ago, when I had to spend the night at the police station? I asked you why you didn’t come to get me the next day and all you could say was, ‘the bitter truth should not be told, your life would be easier that way’. But it never was. Turned out you had to save your precious daughter’s life while I was at the station all night”. She scoffed with tears in her eyes.
“C’mon mom- Sophy was your favorite after all, so you must have held a grudge against me. Why don’t you stop lying and just tell me the goddamn truth for once!” She requested loudly, shocking me.
That was another memory that I asked to be taken away. On their senior year, Livy bashed another kid in her class pretty badly and her father happened to be a lawyer, so they filed a report against Livy.
The police got to her before I did, but before I could go to the station to see her, I met Sophy who was bitterly crying.
She held a small bottle with a greenish acid inside of it, and she threatened to consume it if I went to the station that day.
So, even when Livy had called directly from the station, I lied and told her I was held up at work and couldn’t come to get her.
Ild give anything to make her forget what I did that day, and I did- I made her forget, but now she seems to have remembered.
“Your sister would have killed herself if I had come to you that night. She had always been weak, and a weakling can not seat on the throne I had prepared for you both. So, I’m not angry with you… in fact, I’m proud of you.” I told her encouragingly, but she wasn’t buying it.
“What… is… wrong with you. I am a murderer with no knowledge of what I’ve done! I need my memories, I’m going insane here! Please.” She pleaded redundantly.
“I can’t do that. Now if you have nothing else to do or say than to wallow in your self pity, then you’ll have to excuse me- I have work to do.” I said, dismissing her sternly.
Could there really be a way for her to regain her suppressed memories without help? I wondered as the pounding headache in my head suddenly rendered me unconscious- barely mobile enough to even reach for my phone again.
MARKIAN
“Alex, how is she?” I asked anxiously with Livy behind me.
We arrived at the hospital just 15mins after Alex had called me to inform me that Judy collapsed few minutes ago.
“The doctors are with her now, but they’ve not been able to tell me anything yet” Alex answered.
I could see the light lift from Livy’s face, and for the first time in almost a month, I could read her face and it’s emotions. She looked pale almost as if she was nauseous and would throw up at anytime.
“Did anyone see you come in here? The press, paparazzi- maybe?” I asked being cautious.
Judy would hate it if she regains consciousnesses but finds the press outside the hospital doors. She hates looking or being painted as weak by this gossip news channels, so for her to be hospitalized would be seen as a risk she wasn’t willing to face even though unconscious.
“No. I rushed her here from a meeting downtown, after I noticed she wasn’t responding to my calls.” He answered truthfully and a bit anxious.
It was as though Livy’s legs failed her as she slumped on the bench close to us. I rushed and held her in place, steadying her while she recollected her senses.
I could feel her trying to resist my touch and holding back her tears. My heart boiled with anger at her attempts of resistance but I guess I deserved it for everything I had put her through.
I wanted to release her from my hold, but the feeling of regret and disappointment lingering around my for the past few weeks vanished with my next line of action.
So involuntarily, I pulled her into a comforting hug, and surprisingly it brought me peace and genuine happiness.
I missed her terribly- her voice, her sweetness, the way she trembles when I’m mad at her, her innocence like the way her face turns red each time I was close to her.
It’s been almost a month since I held her this close and honestly, I could stay like this forever. With her in my arms, I was feeling like a freaking superhuman with the world in my grasp.
I don’t fully understand what I was feeling for this woman, but I want to fight to keep her close to me and safe from every form of danger.
She didn’t repulse me anymore, in fact I didn’t want to let go of her at this point- until I heard soft sobs escaping from her lips. They were so soft, it could easily be missed.
“You can cry all you want Livy, I’ll hold you so you won’t have to feel like you’re alone. I promise I won’t leave you.” I proclaimed unconsciously, unaware of how those words could escape my lips.
Those were almost the same comforting words I had said to Sophia when we were both lost in the woods 16yrs ago, but somehow, it felt right repeating them to Livy.
I held her even tighter as I felt her give up on her resistance and held on to me, like she wanted me to be with her just as much as I wanted to be with her.
Slowly her sobs became louder and she began to cry, while my heart was breaking into tiny little pieces.
Would it be so wrong if I fall in love again?
Because I want to- I really, really want to love this woman that fits perfectly in my arms right now.
I want to learn how to be selfless and courageous as to sacrifice my life for someone who might never be mine. I want to have faith that things will get better even if there’s no ray of sunshine in the sky.
I want to be with Livy- I want to be like Livy.
I pulled her away from my chest so I can look at her face. It was all wet and red, and so were her eyes.
I took her chin in my hand and raised her face to mine.
“Would it be ok if I said I love you?” I asked like those word were threatening to choke me to death if I didn’t say them to her.
She seemed to have frozen for a moment at my question and so was I.
We stared at each other for few seconds that felt like a lifetime because, it seemed like time for us froze.