Just as I unfolded the papers to what looked like some sort of a receipt, the door burst open and in came Olivia clutching her stomach. She could barely hold herself up.
“Olivia! Are you okay?” I asked as I rushed to her and held her up.
She tried reaching for the papers clutched in my hand but I moved it away from her. She convulsed, slipping from my grasp and dropping to the ground in a fetal position.
“Oh my God, Olivia. What’s happening?”
I suddenly felt Amelia’s presence next to me and I turned to her for help but she already had her phone pressed to her ear. I vaguely heard her call a doctor urgently as I helped Olivia to her bed.
She looked a lot better after a doctor came and checked up on her.
I showed him the pills I had found. Heather came after Amelia called her and had initially told us to leave but I wasn’t having it.
“What did you do to her?” I had almost yelled at her, unable to keep the bitterness from my voice.
“I didn’t do anything.” She had replied curtly.
No matter how much I tried, she didn’t give away anything.
Then the doctor came and gave something to Olivia and she instantly felt better after that.
Before that I had looked at the receipts and her diary. I had no idea she went through so much without me having an inkling about it.
“Have you been neglecting those pills?” The doctor asked Olivia.
She nodded.
“Have you been skipping meals?”
She shook her head. “I didn’t eat much. I didn’t have an appetite.”
“That’s not good. You shouldn’t starve yourself and should take your prescribed pills every day. It’s not healthy for you to keep up with this.”
“I just… I didn’t feel like I deserved to be healthy after what I did.”
“I understand you might be depressed after an abortion but moral support is very important. Have you girls not being looking after her mental health?” The doctor turned his questioning gaze at us and I gritted my teeth.
The three of us were silent.
“We didn’t know she had an abortion. She was keeping it from us.” I said.
“I knew. I was helping her as much as I could.” Heather said.
“I warned you about the risks associated with the surgical abortion. You’re making it worse by not taking care of yourself.” Dr. Moore said, turning back to Olivia. “What are the side effects you’re still experiencing?”
“Cramps, heavy bleeding and fever.”
“That’s normal. In some cases the side effects persist up to three weeks. Please take care of yourself and take those pills I gave you before and the ones I gave you now at the prescribed time.”
Olivia didn’t answer so he turned back to us. “Please make sure she does what I told her.”
“Yes, doctor. Thank you.” I answered.
After he left, I turned to the girls and asked if I could talk to Olivia alone.
Heather didn’t want to but she later complied and left with Amelia. Now it was just Olivia and I left.
I paced uncomfortably in front of her, unsure of how to start.
“When did this happen?”
“What exactly? My pregnancy or the abortion?” She asked with a blank face.
“Both. Everything. When did this even start? Does Tristan know?”
“You remember that reception party after Brooke and Brian’s wedding a few months ago? Tristan and I got drunk and you sent us home. We were both drunk and it happened.”
I vaguely remembered the party and sending them together. “Why didn’t you tell me that you two slept together?”
“I was scared I was going to mess it up for you. I knew you’d be disappointed in me, especially after you told me that Tristan and I aren’t meant to be. So I was scared about how you’ll react.” She was looking down at her hands.
“Olivia, we’re best friends. Of course I would’ve supported you in whatever decision you’d have taken. All you had to do was tell me.” I was truly hurt that somehow I made her feel as if she couldn’t confide in me.
“Don’t say that. Your words are only making me hate myself more. To think that you would’ve supported me and my little one would’ve survived.” She looked at her flat stomach, caressing it with her fingertips.
“Does Tristan know?” I asked again.
She sighed. “No.”
“He deserves to-”
“I know.” She said quickly. “But I won’t.? It no longer exists so I don’t know why I should tell him. It’ll just stress him and he wouldn’t want anything to do with me and I think after everything’s finished, I’ll just go back to my old life quietly.”
“Olivia, even if the baby is no longer there he still deserves to know.” I tried to be as gentle as possible. “And it’s better you tell him rather than him finding out in a painful way.”
“Why would he find out? If we all keep quiet, he won’t.”
“I found out, didn’t I?”
Olivia fell silent, trying to conjure up a response. “You snooped around without my permission. He won’t do that.”
“I was desperate to know what was wrong with you. Maybe one day Tristan might be as desperate.” I reasoned. I really wished she could see that it was important that he knew about this.
She didn’t answer.
“Why did you abort the baby?”
“I didn’t want to create problems for you. I-I didn’t know if Tristan would’ve wanted the baby and I knew I couldn’t do it by my own. I wasn’t ready for a baby. I’m irresponsible and I wouldn’t have been a good mother. I’m not even mentally prepared for it so I couldn’t birth it and give it up for adoption. I’m selfish and this angel didn’t deserve this.” Her eyes moistened and she licked her lips.
“You’ve been through a lot.” I sat next to her and pulled her into a hug. “You’ll be okay. All this time you’ve gone through this alone but now that I know, I’m with you. You can talk to me whenever you want to.”
She didn’t hug me back. Instead I felt her withdraw from me a little. I let go.
“Are you feeling okay?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t feel anything.”
I didn’t know what to say to her.
“Are you hungry? The doctor said you hadn’t been eating well. Do you want me to bring you something?”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to eat anything.”
“I’m not going to let you fall into depression. I’m going to be around you a lot from now on so better get used to it. I’ll go get you something.”
I got to up to leave but she held my hand. “I said I don’t want anything.” She spoke in a sharp tone.
Her coldness made me stop. “Okay, but please eat something later during dinner.”
I sat back down.
“You remember that girl’s day out we planned a while ago? That day you and Heather disappeared off to somewhere. Was that the day-”
“I had an abortion? Yes. It was the hardest decision of my life.”