I smiled at Ethan who was right next to me. I reached over and brushed some hair out of his face and let my fingers trail over his face. I traced the outlines of his cheeks, his perfect nose and soft lips that I wanted to kiss so I reached over and pressed my lips to his for a second.
I continued to watch him as he slept deeply and peacefully. The sheets were tangled up between us, his naked chest half on display and half hidden behind it.
I extended my hand towards his face again and placed my palm against his cheek.
“I’m sorry I’m hurting you. But I seem to have no choice.” I whispered to him, knowing he won’t be able to hear me. “Will you forgive me?” I caressed his cheek, feeling the prickles on my palm where his beard rubbed against my skin. “I wish we were normal people and I could’ve met you under different circumstances when things weren’t so hard. I want to like you freely.”
I closed my eyes feeling sleep taking over me but willed my eyes to open because it’s not everyday I get to see a shirtless Ethan in bed with me. I wanted to commit this image in my memory and wanted to memorize the fragrance of the sheets in the morning when we had shared a bed together last night and wanted to remember how it felt to touch him and kiss him, even if it wasn’t much of a kiss.
When I managed to open my eyes, I saw him staring straight at me. My hand was still on his cheek in a gentle caress and I moved to quickly retract my hand back but he was faster and he grabbed my hand and pulled me closer.
“What did you say?”
I quickly sat up, snatching my hand back.
“Its so late. You should get up and go back to your room.”
He sat up too. “You told me you liked me, didn’t you?”
“What gibberish talk is that? Get out and don’t come knocking on my door again while you’re pissed drunk.”
“Where’s my shirt?”
“There,” I said pointing to the nightstand. “You said you were a little hot so you took it off and threw it away.”
“Oh, sorry. I don’t remember anything.” He held his head in his hands.
“Go take some aspirin.”
He nodded. “Sorry for intruding like this again.”
In my mind I told him that I didn’t mind at all and that he could come whenever he wanted to but of course I didn’t say it.
It was a day after the party. Last night Ethan had come knocking on my door again and he was as drunk as he was last time. But this time I didn’t search for a key or take him to the guestroom, I led him straight to my bed and tucked him in. And then I had occupied the other end of the bed and spent some of my time staring at him, as creepy as it sounded. I didn’t get to see him as much as I wanted to and this was a way of looking at him to my heart’s content without having to hurt him.
He left soon after and I was left alone in my room and all that I had that reassured me it wasn’t a dream were the sheets that still smelled of him.
***
I was going to give a little more attention to what was going on between Heather and Olivia. They had been acting weird for the longest time and I knew that if I had to know then I couldn’t directly approach them about it. And so the only possibility of getting any information was from Amelia.
I had invited her over to watch some movies with me but in reality I just wanted to broach the subject that had been gnawing at me.
“Hey,” she hugged me once she arrived. “Are you okay? Where did Ethan take you at the party?”
“It was nothing. He was hurt as usual and I had to act like a bitch about it… as usual.”
“Aw you poor thing. I’m so sorry you two have to go through this even when you like each other. I just hope things work out and you two move on or get back together. Either way is okay.”
“Thanks. Let’s go to my room and watch some movies.”
We made our way up to my room.
“So how are things for Juliet? Is she ever going to return?” I asked casually. I was a little curious about how the real daughter was living her life and where she was.
“She’s fine. She’s loving it there and she told us how much she has discovered herself and that she met someone there and she thinks she loves him. We’re not surprised because it doesn’t take long for that girl to fall in love. Her heart is a little whore.”
I chuckled. “She sounds like she’s happy. I’m glad. It makes it a little easy for me to live here.”
“I’m sorry it’s being a little hard for you right now.”
I shrugged nonchalantly. “Its fine. Its not your fault. And besides I’m used to my life being hard so this is actually not that bad although I do prefer my previous hardships over my current ones.”
“You’re so strong, Julie. I can never imagine how it must be like to worry over financial issues and if you can afford something or not. I really respect you for how strong you are to be dealing with issues that I don’t have any experience in.”
“Uh… thanks. But we’re all fighting our own different battles and I think we’re all strong in different ways.”
“Well said. I’m glad that I know you. Hey, I want you to know that even if things end, no matter if they end on bad terms or on good terms, just know that I’ll still be your friend and you can call me anytime you want and if you need help, I’ll be there for you.”
My heart swelled with happiness for the first time in a while. “Thanks, Amelia. I’m glad I know you too.” And it was true. Amelia was my favorite and I really considered her a true friend.
She smiled at me genuinely and my heart warmed. I wasn’t alone. I at least had one friend I could rely on and confide in. I wasn’t sure about Olivia.
“So… do you know what’s going on between Olivia and Heather? They seem to be a little secretive lately.”
Amelia was browsing through the movies and I saw her finger momentarily stop over one of the movies before she relaxed and continued to search. “I don’t know. I didn’t notice they were being secretive.”
“Do you have any idea why they’re like this? Did Heather tell you something?”
She shrugged. “She hasn’t told me anything. Hey, don’t overthink. Its probably nothing.”
“I can trust you with anything, right?”
She turned to face me and nodded. “Of course.”
“I don’t think it’s nothing. The two have gotten a lot closer to each other and it seems like Olivia trusts her more than she trusts me. She avoids talking to me and I feel like she’s sick. She looks so weak and tired all the time and I don’t know what to do about it because she always pushes me away.” I confided.
She walked towards me with a movie and put a comforting hand on my shoulder. “She just might not have been in the mood to talk. I’m sure if it was a big issue she’d let you know. Don’t worry.”
“But I’ve tried talking to her a few times and every single time she has pushed me away. I feel like we aren’t even friends anymore. And I thought you might know something about it. Do you know what Heather and Olivia did when they didn’t show up to hang out with us that day? I think Olivia started looking sick sometime after that day.”
“Okay, I’ll be honest with you. Heather told me to keep you engaged into various things and to take your mind off of them on that day. I don’t know what she asked me that for but she told me it was important and she can’t tell me about it because it wasn’t her place to tell and I’m still confused about it till this day. She didn’t give me any reason and I sensed that it was something really important and so I agreed to keep you busy and it worked. I didn’t get to talk to her about it after that. It completely slipped my mind.”
So something did happen on that day that Heather didn’t want me to know and it involved Olivia.
“Are you sure you aren’t keeping anything else from me?”
“I swear that’s all I know.”
“Okay, thanks. So what did you choose to watch?”