Nate’s POV
” Good evening master McClain” chef Chu said as I stormed into the house. I didn’t say a word instead I went straight to my room, slamming the door so hard that I thought it’ll break, I wanted it to break but it didn’t.
Why did today suck so much to me?
I won the football match, but I made Zach hurt Victor. What the hell is wrong with me?
I noticed my heartbeat had doubled and I knew I needed to cool off, so I took off my clothes and entered the shower.
Just like magic, my whole body became calm, my breathing now normal, my heart rate felt okay. I sighed as I passed my hand through my hair and that horrible memory I always try to forget started coming back.
I tried to stop it but I couldn’t.
It was in 2014, April 15 to be precise, we were still in London then. I had come back from school that Tuesday, I was so devastated because I had come second in my class. My mother was in her bedroom doing something on her computer when I entered. When she saw me she rolled her eyes.
” Good afternoon mother”
” What’s good about the afternoon?”
” Well I got my result today”
” And did you fail?”
” No… I – well technically I did, I really wanted to be first this year”
” What position are you then?”
” Second”
” As usual, always such an improver.” She said dryly.
” Are you mad at me?”
” Obviously I am”
” I’ll do better next time”
She shut her computer in anger and then she glared at me.
” I don’t want you to do better!”
” I – I don’t understand”
” Why can’t you be like every other teen who likes to hang out with their friends and who doesn’t give two shits about school and homework, I mean, how old are you anyway?”
” Thirteen” I muttered.
” And you don’t even have a girlfriend”
” I’m too young for that mom”
” Look at you, your peers all have girlfriends or at least they want to, you just want to waste your time living in books!” She said with so much disgust.
” I -”
” Nate just go away okay. I don’t want to see you right now, mummy’s in a bad mood”
I walked away and headed for my room, thinking about what she said.
A few days later at school, I got into a fight with a bully or rather he beat the crap out of me. When my mother heard…
” I can’t believe this!” She said as she dropped her phone on the dining table and walked towards me.
” So some idiot beat you up in school? That’s why you have blood on your nose?”
For a moment, I thought that she cared but the next words that came out of her mouth proved otherwise.
” You’re just like your father. Such a coward! Must you embarrass me by letting some idiot beat you up? Don’t you know how to fight?!”
” I’m sorry”
” Now listen to me, if you wanna make me proud, you’ll go to school tomorrow and have revenge against that scum bag. You hear me?”
” Yes ma’am”
” Good”
I went to school the next day and saw the boy who had beaten me up, I was overcome with anger because my mom was mad at me because of him.
I had beat him so much that he ran to the principal and reported me.
That day when I got home, my mother was elated to see me. I couldn’t believe it, it was as if she was only happy when I did wrong rather than when I did right.
” Ahh… I knew that underneath your striking resemblance to your dad my spirit still is in you!”
” Thanks?”
” You’re welcome” she said as she sipped some wine.
” Now, Mrs. Raya has made food for you, go have your bath and eat.”
” Okay Mom” I said smiling, though I wasn’t happy that she was encouraging my bad behavior.
” Is that your blood on your shirt?”
” No, the boy’s”
” Good boy”
” I have homework to do mom. Could I use your computer?”
” Ugh, just when I thought you’re starting to get the point” she said and I looked at her in confusion.
” What’s wrong with your computer?”
” It’s broken”
” Whatever, go freshen up and then you can use my computer”
” Okay, thanks”
After bathing and eating that afternoon, I packed my science note and then hurried up to my mother’s room. The door was locked and I knocked several times but she didn’t answer, just as I was turning around, I heard a man’s voice in the room and then I panicked thinking he’s hurting my mom because of the odd noise she was making – a noise I later got to know was called moaning.
” Mom! Are you alright? Should I get help?”
” No, you idiot! Do I sound like I need help?” She had hissed at me and the man chuckled and then it was back to the moaning and funny noises.
I sat on the floor wondering what was happening and then after a good forty-five minutes, the man in her room came out and she kissed him right in front of me, turned around so he could hit her ass and they laughed.
” What are you doing?” I had asked in innocent confusion.
” Oh… This is your – ”
” -My house maid’s son” my mom quickly lied.
” Oh… I see, I’ll see you later love” the man had said as he straightened his tie and dusted his suit before he took his briefcase and left.
” Why do you always have to be a pain?” My mom had said sounding irritated.
At first, I said nothing because all my life, I had always thought she despised me because I wasn’t a perfect son to her but no matter what I did, she always seemed to hate me.
That day just made me realize that she never loved me and that no matter what I do, she never will. Tired of looking for more ways to please her and overwhelmed with bitterness I launched towards her and grabbed her hand.
” Why?!”
” Excuse you?” She asked as she glared at me.
” Why do you hate me? I’m the perfect son that most mothers would want, but no matter what I do you hate me!” I had said trying so hard to hold back tears.
” You know what? Why don’t you sit down”
” I’d rather not!”
” Well then, let’s get into it. You’re right, I do hate you”
” Why? I’m your son”
” You’re my shame, my pain, my downfall, my DISGRACE” she had said to me without any hint of remorse.
” I was a wonderful great-granddaughterle man here in England, I was supposed to be married to a billionaire heir to the Pierson estate and then your evil father came and deceived me and I fell in love with him, slept with him and then after a year of dating he broke up with me” she had said as she sipped some wine. Now, she was starting to get emotional.
” And just like that, your dad married another woman shortly after, and there I was, pregnant, I tried to get you out but…. There you are… Still a pain in my ass.”
” I never loved you Nate and I never will. So stop wasting your time trying to please me because your very existence disgusts me. Now leave my room and please stop calling me your mother, it’s embarrassing.
All I recall at that point was extreme pain, in my heart, my head was banging, my face damp from tears. I felt so many emotions at the same time and honestly didn’t want to ever feel that way again not for a worthless woman like her.
It was from that moment on that the nice, shy and smart Nate McClain died and the manipulative, insensitive, dick Nate was born.
Since I had been a pain to her even in my kindness and unfailing love for her, there really was no need wasting time to be the good son – I prefer the black sheep kinda son, the one that truly causes her pain and misery.
As I turned off the shower an overwhelmingly great amount of depression hit me and I knew that If I don’t take my pills, I will have an emotional outburst.
But when I came out of the shower, I searched everywhere but still couldn’t find it.
” Shit!”