SHADOW
I woke up from a vague dream of walking to the cliff. That was the only thing I remembered. I got up from bed only to see my feet were dirty with mud. I also saw traces of dirt on the sheets. My heart pounded.
Did I sleepwalk?
It was only four in the morning. I cleaned my feet and texted Zarah. She would hate me to disturb her sleep at this time, but it was a kind of emergency.
While changing into jeans and a shirt, I checked Califf, but he was still sleeping. I got out of our room, and the portal was already there.
“What the hell is wrong with all of you?” I was met by the mad bull Zarah.
“All?”
“Yeah.” She walked away from me. “Your father just left for a business meeting.”
“You don’t even wanna know what’s the emergency.” I followed her to the kitchen.
“I take it you would tell me,” she said as she filled the kettle with water. Then she put it over the fire.
“I think I’m sick.” I opened her drawers to check if she had a silver cutlery. I wanted to test the theory I had in mind. What if I ingested mercury like Califf and began sleepwalking like him, and my vague dream wasn’t a dream at all? I could not wait until I went cray-cray and killed people.
“Are you going to tell me? Or you will just search for something in my drawers.”
“Do you have a silver spoon or something?”
“Are you crazy?” She opened the top cupboard and eyed me suspiciously before handing it to me.
“I can hold silver. I did it before.” My heart pumped so hard as I fought the urge to grab it or not. I was also scared to disappoint myself, but I had to see if silver could hurt me again. It was now or never.
I gripped the silver spoon, and my stomach just did a nosedive. It did not burn me or anything.
Blowing my breath, I sat down on her stool and offered the spoon back to her. “I thought so.”
“Why did you think something’s changed? Did you feel or experience something different in your body?”
I tried to close my eyes and remember something, but nada. “I’d been dreaming twice, but I couldn’t remember anything. Then today, I woke up with muddy feet.” I looked at her. She also looked worried.
“What if I get mercury poisoning and start acting like a lunatic? I thought the pack, me, and Califf were already in a good place. Now, this. Every time I plan to have kids, something happens,” I said exasperatingly.
“Don’t go there. Maybe it’s genetics. Give me your hand.”
I did as she told me. “Don’t hold back. I want to know what’s wrong with me.”
Then she just smiled. “You’re fine. Nothing’s wrong with you.”
“Should I cuff myself to the bedpost before I sleep?”
Her smile widened. “I think Califf would enjoy that very much.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m serious, Zarah. Anyway, how are you and Sebastien?”
She ignored me and grabbed two teacups instead. She made tea and put the other one before me. “Maybe you’re stressing your human mind.”
“Well, I kinda think of finding a regular job. I want to make myself busy with something else that gives me monthly paychecks.”
“Didn’t your father talk to you about working with him in the company?”
“That’s a huge leap, Zarah. I just want a desk job.”
“There’s nothing simple in you. Whether you’re human or not, nothing can change whether you’re Sebastien’s daughter or Califf’s wife. I suggest you take some days off and spend some time with Califf and your friends. You deserve it.”
“Kindra will have a picnic this Saturday. You should come with Aira.” I nodded in understanding as I blew and sipped my tea. I cringed at the taste, and Zarah saw my reaction. Then I remembered something. “I need to see Kain.”
“I received the invites. Why do you wanna see Kain?” She sipped her tea.
“He said something like I am the only one who could bring my wolf back.”
“And?”
“I want more information.”
“Don’t get your hopes up, Shadow.”
“I know.” I tapped my finger against the cup until I got a stupid idea. “What if I just jump off the cliff?”
“Are you crazy?” Her eyes went big.
“Maybe I am. I’m desperate, Zarah. I think I just got the after-effect of losing my gift and wolf. I’m not feeling okay.”
She sighed and joined me as she sat on the stool beside me. “I know you are desperate. Give yourself some time to rest. Meditate, and maybe it helps you remember about your dreams.”
“That’s very helpful.” I pursed my lips.
“Don’t give me that look. Here’s how I can help. If you have another dream, come to me and let me hypnotize you to help you remember.”
“Fine. Can I borrow your car?”
“Where are you going?”
“I told you. I wanna see Kain.”
“Oh, Goddess.” She heaved a sigh. “Then I’m coming with you, but let me tell you. You’re wasting your time. Where’s Califf, by the way?”
“He was still sleeping when I left.”
“Great. Sneaking out while your husband is asleep.” Without a warning, she just created a portal in her kitchen. “Go. Call me if you find anything.”
“I’m not going back, Zarah.”
“Then go see Kain?”
Kain emerged from the portal and walked into the Kitchen in a wife beater and sweatpants. “Where am I?” He looked around and sniffed.
“Are you kidding me?” I questioned him. “So you just got in the portal without questions that you might end up in hell.”
“You’re in my house, Kain. Care for a tea?”
“Thank you.” He leaned against the countertop. “Why am I here?”
“Oh, yeah. Tell me more about getting my wolf back. How to resurrect her?”
“You’re not resurrecting her, Shadow. She’s not dead,” Zarah said as she put a cup of tea in front of Kain.
“Just a fair warning. Her tea is nasty.”
Without a second thought, he sipped it. “It’s earthy, fresh. I like it.”
I cringed at him. “You’re joking.”
“Oh. I like it. I used to go foraging in the woods. I picked some mushrooms and wildflowers for tea.”
“Wow.” I tapped my fingers impatiently against the countertop. “Tell me how to get back my wolf. You’re deflecting, Kain. Do you know how or not?”
“I told you. It’s all up to you. One thing I am sure of is your heart. If you have a pure heart and did something good for humanity.”
“How is it all up to me when I don’t know what to do? Is my heart pure? I don’t know. I’ve made some mistakes in my life. I mean, who doesn’t?”
“What he meant to say is it never happened before. I told you not to get your hopes up. I don’t wanna see you hurt,” Zarah said sincerely.
“It’s fine, Zarah.” I felt like I just lost all hope and strength. I missed my wolf, talking to her, and how she pissed me off. Losing her was losing half of myself. “I know you know something. You wouldn’t just say something like that if you haven’t heard it happened like this before.”
“One in a million years, Shadow. When a virgin prayed in the full moon, asking the moon goddess to give her a gift. That’s how she became a white werewolf,” he explained.
“Why did it have to be a virgin?” I rolled my eyes. “So, in my case, there’s no hope and ways of getting Raven back. Is that it? I’m not giving up. Maybe somewhere in your grimoires, there’s a way to get her back, Zarah.”
“The sooner you accept it, the better. I can do something, but I can’t guarantee it will work.”
“What is it?” I tried not to overreact to Zarah.
“Purification during the full moon.”
“Should I ask how it is done?”
“You will drink something-”
“It can kill you. It hurts ten times more than your first shift,” Kain cut off Zarah.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “So you knew.”
“It’s never done in hundreds of years, and it might kill you because you don’t heal fast like us. You are human now. Your body doesn’t have a strength like a werewolf.”
“But it worked?”
“It did. If the moon goddess is in your favor, it will work.”
“I have to do something.” I looked at Zarah, determined to go through the process of purification even if, by means, it would kill me. “I’ll do it.”