SHADOW
I couldn’t believe he found me, and here he was, standing before me. Now, I was afraid he could hear my racing heartbeat. I knew my charade of a heartless and emotionally distant wife would soon blow in my face.
I missed him so much that it drove me crazy for the last few weeks I was away from him. He had no idea I craved him, and every bone in my body ached. But he didn’t have to know that.
Califf Stone, the powerful Alpha of the Night Stalker Pack, was better without me. The sooner he accepted that, the better. I knew it would hurt him and his wolf, but it would kill him if someone successfully killed me the second time they tried.
Zack made Sitka Venison with Chimichurri roasted potatoes and complemented it with beer. Damn, I had to remind myself that I needed regular exercise. Though my appetite hadn’t changed and I hadn’t gained weight due to my intense training, I had to watch what I put in my mouth.
“I hadn’t had venison in a while, but this is delicious, Zack.” Zarah preferred fish and veggies, but tonight, she had two slices of flank steak.
“Yeah. It’s really good,” Califf, beside me, agreed. He ate a large portion but still had rock-hard abs under his shirt. “You barely ate.”
“Are you kidding?” I arched my eyebrows. “My plate was full, and look at it? And I am human now. It’s hard to burn calories if I can’t shift to wolf and run.”
He swallowed hard. Guilt and pain flashed in his eyes.
“Jeez, Alpha. You have to loosen up. I’m full, and if I eat more, I’m gonna explode.” I rubbed my tummy and got up. “Eat up, Zack.”
He smiled. “Oh, I’m eating. I can’t wait to tell Lyon, Tor, and Kairo what I have tonight.”
“You can bring the rest.”
“No.” He shook his head. “That’s your food.”
“Okay.”
“Just kidding. I will. Thank you, Luna.” He stiffened and got a glare from Califf. If I guess it right, they were talking through the pack link.
“Welcome.” I grabbed the plates when he pushed his plate forward.
“Let me help.”
“You’re my guest. I will do it.”
“And your husband, Shadow.”
“Fine.” I put the plates back and grabbed my beer. “Thank you. Zarah, leave the boys and stay with me on the couch.”
“I can’t. I have to go back. I’ll pick up the boys tomorrow.”
“No. I’m coming with you,” Zack said.
“You’re Alpha needs you here, Zack.” Zarah made sure he wouldn’t argue with her.
“He will be safe here. The shield is protecting your cabin.”
I knew exactly what he was trying to do. I got it. He was giving me and Califf some time alone, but it was not going to happen.
“Then take your Alpha with you.” I slumped my ass on the couch.
“Stay here, Zack,” Califf said from the kitchen.
“Are you sure, Alpha?” He was still unsure and hesitant.
“Yes. That’s why I asked you to come with me. Now clean up the table.”
“Yes, sir.”
“I have to go. Call me if you need anything. Oh, crap. There’s no signal in here, is there?”
“Nope,” I said loudly. I forgot the enhanced hearing.
“What the fuck, Shadow? And you stay here alone without any way of communicating outside?” He sounded mad. His eyes blazed, yet he was still beautiful. I knew how protective he was, and he still blamed himself for what happened to me.
If he got to be mad, so did I. “Don’t what the fuck me. I have a sat phone.”
He sighed. “I’m sorry. Your actions worried me so much, baby. I need to know what it is that you want to achieve.”
“I wanna be left alone until I figure out what to do with my life, and you’re not good at giving me the space I need.”
“Fine. We will get out of your hair by tomorrow. You won’t see me anymore until you’re ready.”
“Shadow, there’s another pack in Oregon with two missing werewolves.” Zarah’s information brought back painful memories. “The bodies hadn’t been found, but I have a bad feeling that these hunters might be recruiting them, or they hid those bodies this time. Without your help, they can’t win this battle.”
“That’s absurd. What they can’t do that I can, huh?”
“You brought us together. Whether you like it or not, without you, there’s no one to lead us,” Califf said.
“Wow. Me? A human.” I shook my head in disbelief as I turned to Zarah. “You have two of the most powerful alphas in the world. You have Margaret and werewolves and lycan enforcers at your disposal. You don’t need me.”
“You know what.” Zarah huffed and came in the middle like a mother done with our bullshit, glaring at both of us. “I’m done waiting. You, Shadow, I know you are mourning. I know there’s no way to feel what you’re feeling, and I wish you just come to me so I can help you. But, young lady, you’re not just his mate or their Luna but also his wife. And his wife needs to be with her husband, and when you’re in trouble, you call for his help. This space you asked to figure out what you wanted to do in your life is not working anymore. You both struggle and hurt the people you care about and those who depend on you.”
“He gave up that for me the moment-”
“I’m not done talking!” She yelled at me. I felt like a child being scolded for eating a bowl of candies after a Halloween trick-or-treat.
She came and pointed a finger at me. “You two need this talk. It’s long overdue. Do you think you’re the only one who is suffering? You can’t be this selfish, Shadow. Your husband needs you. Your pack needs you, and your friends are worried about you.”
Nose flaring, I stood up. “How about this? I didn’t ask you to save me. Maybe I just want to be gone with my wolf. You don’t have to play the savior and hero all the time, but when they decided for my life, you were too eager to do the job, to get it done, because you love the attention. Yeah, you’ve lived long enough, but you never lost your power. And don’t pretend you know how I feel.” I slumped my ass back and drank my beer. “Go ahead. Curse me. Use your mojo on me and get it over with.”
She tsked. “Goddess. I feel so bad for you. I never knew you would come here in the middle of nowhere to gloat and be pathetic. The Shadow I knew never gave up on her family and friends. She never gave up on the people she loved. In fact, she would move mountains for him. Remember what you told me? That you’d rather give up everything but Califf.”
I clenched my jaw hard when my chin trembled. My eyes instantly welled with tears. “The Shadow you once knew is gone, Zarah. Don’t get your hopes up that you will still get her back.” I stood up and walked towards the door. I went out and slammed it behind me.
I didn’t give a shit. She didn’t know what hurt me the most-thinking I couldn’t live long the way they could. It was the reality that broke my heart. I couldn’t let Califf suffer. We may have a good life, but he would suffer for my death after that.
I froze and wiped my tears when I heard footsteps. His presence consumed me, creating tension between us as if hormones had taken control of my brain.
“If you want us to leave, we will go with Zarah.”
It took a few moments for me to pull myself together before I could talk to him. “If that’s what you want.”
“What about what you want, Shadow?”
“I have so many things I want, Califf, but I can’t have it anymore.” I shook to cry and felt him wrap his arms around me, sighing and kissing my head.
I couldn’t help but lean against him because I felt so weak and helpless, but as stupid and stubborn as I was, I wouldn’t show him my weakness.
“I’m here. What you feel right now, I feel it, too. Your pain is my pain, baby because I love you. We’ll do it together. You’re not alone in this. Please, need me.”
“Just go with Zarah. I’ll be fine. I will call if I’m in trouble.”
“Okay.” When he loosened his arms around me, I thought someone punched a hole in my chest and ripped my heart out. “Good night, Shadow.”
I cried there for a while until it hit me. I ran back inside but didn’t see them anywhere- the cabin was empty.
“Califf?”
They left.
They left without me.