CALIFF
I was soaking in my own sweat. I was burning up inside and shivering outside. I was convulsing. At first, I refused to give in. When another surge of pain seeped through every cell and bone in my body, it fucking hurt like hell. I surrendered.
It felt ten times worse than in heat. Restless, my wolf was growling and howling as the spike of pain flooded my entire system- it was agonizing, traumatizing. I’d never felt so helpless that I couldn’t do something to ease his pain.
I was trapped in a worse nightmare, the feeling of taking something so important to you by force- separating my body and my wolf, and it was the worst feeling in the world- it was earth-shattering- as if someone ripped my soul off of me and caged inside my own fear and nightmare for eternity.
I couldn’t fathom what it felt like. No words could express it, and I wanted to bolt out, but my luck ran out a long time ago, and I was trapped in hell. I thought, maybe I was dead, and this was what the hell felt like because that was what I felt- and the time seemed to have stopped. It was an eternity of torment.
I heard myself scream and almost immediately felt every painful memory, and I had no strength to switch it off. It was worse than physical. I was helpless to fight.
“Shadow.” I sobbed as I mumbled her name. Why was I sobbing? Somehow, it gave relief to the incredible pain in my chest. “Shadow,” I called her name again until I felt the touch of a warm, soft hand against my cheek. And then I was flooded with her delicate and distinct scent.
“Califf, is that you?” Her voice was mellow as a sad song, soothing me.
“Baby.” I swallowed hard. My mouth was parched, and my throat hurt as if I screamed, and some creatures clawed their way out of my throat. Licking my lips wet, I asked, “Was I possessed or something?”
“Or something. Can you raise your head? You need to sip a little water?”
I looked at her. For the first time, I saw how exhaustion looked on her face. She looked sad, and something flashed in her eyes, something uncertain. I tried to get up, but my body still hurt.
“Hey. Don’t force yourself. It’s okay.” She guided the straw into my lips.
I parted my lips and let my throat work. I felt relieved when the water ran down.
“Zack?”
“Zack is here?” I looked around. I wasn’t in our bedroom. The room didn’t look familiar, but I smelled some spices, maybe an incense, aside from my mate’s scent.
Zack came in. His eyes widened a little, but relieved. “Alpha.”
“Help her.”
They fixed and added a pillow on the back of my head and lifted me so I could be in a half-sitting position.
“Thank you.”
“Glad to see you, Alpha.” Something was holding Zack back by the way he said it, but he left the room quickly.
“I did that.” I noticed claw marks on the wall. Thankfully, the bed was still in one piece.
“Forget about what you see.”
I raised my hand to touch her face. “You look tired.” It felt good to feel her again. As she leaned her face against my palm, I felt our connection and thoughts.
“Jeez, thanks, Alpha,” she said as she fixed and covered my body.
“You haven’t been sleeping because of me.”
“I couldn’t sleep even if I tried.” Shadow held my hand and kissed it. “I was so fucking worried, but I never lost hope. I know you’re tougher, and you’re gonna be okay.”
“Baby.” She stiffened, and there was a hesitation when I pulled her close to me. When I looked into her eyes, I saw a hint of fear and a shadow of some bad memory. “Did I hurt you?”
“No.” She shook her head but dropped her gaze. “You could never hurt me.”
For a breathless moment, I stared wildly at her, my heart pumping so fast. “Don’t lie, baby. I can hear your heartbeat.”
“You were sick and hallucinating. That’s the only way I can put it in simple words.”
“What did I do, Shadow?” I grasped her hand, forcing her to look at me.
“I’m stronger, you know. I kicked your ass once-”
“Shadow, what did I do?” I used my alpha tone on her, and she just raised her brow.
Her eyes flashed, meeting mine. “Wow. You’re really healing. You’re back in Alphasshole self.”
“I’m so sorry.” I forced out a smile.
“How are you feeling?”
“Everything hurts. I’m weak and feel like I died and reborn, but still an asshole. And I’m starving.”
“We’ll see if Dr. Sallie and Zarah allow you to eat solid food. In the meantime, you have to wear something.”
I checked under the blanket. My heart sank. “I shifted.” It wasn’t a nightmare. “Did I hurt anyone? Is Zarah okay? Aira?”
Zarah joined us in the room. “Appreciate the concern, but you didn’t hurt anyone other than my walls and your mate.”
My jaw dropped. I felt the blood drain from my face as I stared at her in horror.
“Zarah,” she scolded her. “Califf didn’t have to know.”
My heart ached. I managed to make my mouth work to ask her since my mate refused to tell me anything. “What happened? What did I do, Zarah?”
“You squeezed her pretty little neck.”
“Stay away from me until I’m completely healed.” I jerked back in bed as if I’d burned. It was an instinct to stay away from them before I could do something like that again. I didn’t notice bruises on her neck because it probably healed.
“Seriously. It wasn’t strong, and you were not yourself.” After what I’d done, she still defended me. I knew she loved me and didn’t know what I was doing, but I couldn’t afford to let that happen again.
“You’re fine now. You need fluids and rest,” Zarah countered as she approached me. “You can’t hurt me, dog.”
“Why didn’t you stop her from coming to me?”
“I did. She thought you were okay when you shifted back after destroying this room. Too late, you turned into a mad beast and squeezed-”
“Jeez, Zarah.” Shadow glared at her, unimpressed. Pain crossed her eyes. “I’m much tougher than I look.”
“He asked, and I don’t lie.”
“I felt her hesitance earlier, and I knew I did something terrible,” I said with a terrible self-loathing chuckle.
“I’m fine,” she insisted.
“I forgot to ask. How long have I been out?”
“Three days.”
“Three fucking days?” My eyes bulged out as I looked at the witch and back to my mate.
“Three agonizing days for everyone, Alpha, but you endured the most. How are you feeling?”
“Terrible.” I gulped. “Can you just give me that thing again? Then you can lock the door until I’m back on my feet.”
“Jeez. The door won’t hold.” Zarah smiled amusedly. “You’re too quick to blame yourself when you should blamed the hunters.”
The realization hit me hard. My stomach sank as I told them urgently, “They got to me. I should warn everyone.”
“Don’t worry. We have plans while you’re recuperating. And you’re safe to hold your mate. Just no sex in my house. This is my sanctuary.”
“Oh, my God. You don’t hold back, do you?” Shadow rolled her eyes.
“Yes. I’m blunt. Alpha, if you can, get up and wear something. Your family is eager to see your ass face again.”
“I don’t know how to thank you-”
She snorted and swatted her hand. “Pfft. Shut up.” That was it. She left the room. “I already took down the spell.”
I got out of bed. It suddenly felt foreign to feel my feet on the floor.
“Easy.” Shadow rushed to my side in her supernatural speed and helped me.
“I’m so sorry.” Before I could take another step, I took the leap. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tight. I pressed my lips on top of her head. My chest squeezed painfully, thinking I hurt her and she was okay with it because I was not myself. It was still unacceptable.
“I know, but it’s fine.”
“I could have killed you.”
“I could have knocked you out in a single punch.”
“Why didn’t you?” I pulled away and looked at her.
Staring back at me with her brows drawn together, she said the absolute truth, “I couldn’t.” She was also sad, and those eyes never lied.
I cupped her face and traced my finger on her cheek. “It was not okay, baby.”
She swiped her hair off her shoulder, exposing her neck. “See? No bruises.”
I dropped my gaze. “It’s still not right.”
“It’s done. Let’s not dwell on the past. We have more problems right now than sulking in sorrow and guilt for something you didn’t even know you were doing.”
I met her gaze again. “I will make whoever did this pay. That’s a promise.”
“We will make them pay.”