SHADOW
“Me? Having a PTSD?” He barked out, laughing as he pointed at himself. “I don’t get traumatized, Zarah?”
“Really? Do tell, Califf?” Zarah crossed her arms over her chest as she began to get annoyed at his behavior because he thought everything was still a joke.
“Human gets PTSD, even animals like dogs. Whether you agree with me, you are part human and an animal. You have an extra strand in your DNA, but it doesn’t mean you are special and not expendable. You get killed and get sick. And this is just the first stage. Do you understand me?”
He finally shut up when he realized something. We shared thoughts, after all. He met my gaze, and I felt like my heart split in two.
“How many times your life and your mate had been in danger? How many times have you seen death, dead bodies, and blood? Trauma isn’t only caused by war or death but also by watching your loved ones in serious illness, accidents, or the death of someone close to you or their near-death experience. And if you had depression or anxiety in the past, that could trigger PTSD.”
“Do you wanna see a doctor?” I asked.
“A shrink? Fuck no.”
“There’s a werewolf doctor I know,” Zarah suggested.
“No thanks.” He snorted.
“Of course. You’re scared your pack will see you weak and different when you see a doctor. It makes you look less of an Alpha.” I rolled my eyes as I went beside Zarah.
“I don’t give a shit, Shadow. I want to get better.”
“Then see a doctor,” she insisted.
“No. You and I will help each other.” He gazed at me. He was worried, and for the first time, he showed me he could be this fragile. “Zarah will help us. I’m sure she can do better than a therapist, forcing me to talk about my life and the things I don’t wanna talk about.”
“We’ll keep this between us.” Zarah sighed loudly as if she figured something out. “That makes sense.”
“What makes sense?” I asked urgently.
“You. You are being distracted while training. I’m postponing it until Califf gets better.”
“Lyon knows.”
“This is a health problem. He won’t talk to anyone, or I will make him forget it happened.”
“You can do that?” I asked incredulously.
“Yes, child.”
I couldn’t help but snort. “I’m not a child. I’m an adult, married, and have sex.”
Califf shook to laugh. “I don’t sleep with underage.”
“Enough.” Zarah cut us off as if we were her children. “You two will see me tomorrow.”
“Wait. You’re leaving?” I gripped her wrist before she could vanish into thin air.
“Yes. You know what time is it?” She glared at me, and I loosened my hand on her wrist.
“Three in the morning,” I said with guilt.
“Yeah. Next time you call me at this hour, I will ask for a professional fee. Get some rest, Califf, or I will make you sleep.”
“Night, Zarah. Thanks.”
“Bye.” I let go of her hand.
Once she was gone, I went to bed and sat beside Califf, who was awfully silent.
“Are you okay? I feel like I’m such a terrible wife.”
He reached out for my hands, and I let him. “I’m a terrible husband and mate. I should have told you something was wrong with me and my wolf. He’s been aggressive lately, not only because you defied me but also because I don’t pay much attention to him. And part of me denied that I wasn’t sick. I’m so sorry, baby.”
“It’s okay. I’m glad you finally told us.”
“It’s hard to admit, but I trust you and Zarah. And I love you so much. I didn’t want to burden you; I know you’d be worried. And with our current problem, I need to be in full health to do my job.”
“Thank you.” I kissed his hand.
“For what?” He turned to face me.
“For telling me, for being considerate.”
“I wish I was more straightforward.”
“It’s fine. I know you’re an Alphasshole, and I don’t want you to change.” That shut him up for a moment.
He then smiled- a smile that made me fall in love with him. “I’m sorry about Calder.”
“I got your point. And you are right. I might have done the same thing if I were in your position. We don’t know him. He’s literally a stranger who just walks into our lives and says he’s family. I realize I am too open and willing to welcome a stranger to our pack. It doesn’t mean he’s your brother and has no hidden agenda.”
“Thanks.”
“I mean, I’ve read and watched this many times where an estranged son gets revenge on the entire family because he felt abandoned and outcasted. And he’s a human but knows something about us, our weakness-”
I stopped when he squinted his eyes with a smile on his face. “You thought about this now or before?”
“I guess I just love our pack and consider the possible worse scenarios. I told you to give him the benefit of the doubt, but we do it with vigilance. We should ask him about his relatives.”
“Okay, baby. Enough of your conspiracy theories. Let’s get some sleep.” He pulled me so I could lie in his arms.
“Tell me if you feel something off, okay?”
“Yes, baby.”
“Night.”
***
I woke up to an empty bed, only five in the morning. “Califf?”
With my heart thundering in terror, I jolted upright in bed and went to the bathroom, but it wasn’t used. He didn’t change either. He was still wearing his pajama bottom.
I tried to connect to our link, but he didn’t respond. I changed into my workout clothes and grabbed my phone from the nightstand before leaving the room.
I dialed his number, but it looked like the ringtone came from inside. I dashed out to his office and punched his security code. I expected him to be at his desk, but unfortunately, he looked like he hadn’t been there.
I texted Zack to meet me at the construction site. Califf could be there, but it was early morning, and the workers would report at 8 a. m.
“Hey. I came as soon as I received your text.”
I turned to Zack. “Have you seen Califf?”
“No. I just woke up. Why?”
Yeah, he looked like he just got up from bed with disheveled hair and a crumpled shirt. “Let’s keep this between us, okay?”
“Of course, scouts honor.”
“Let’s go to the woods. Maybe Califf went there.”
Zack followed me out of the compound but with wariness in his voice. “Maybe he just went for a run.”
“He’s not feeling well lately.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. I don’t know that. Do you want me to call a scout to find him?”
“No. We do it together, and no one can know.”
“Of course. Should I be worried?”
“I hope not.” My lungs were burning with anxiety as I headed to the tree to check Califf’s clothes, but it looked like he hadn’t been there- I couldn’t grasp his scent.
“We’ll see if he comes here on foot.”
We headed to the woods with nothing but a flashlight on my phone. Zack didn’t shift either.
“No, he didn’t,” Zack commented. “At least on two-legged.”
“What?”
He pointed at the shredded clothes on the ground. Then he followed the footprints imprinted on the dirt.
“Oh, no.” My heart was in my throat.
“He shifted with his clothes on. Why?”
“Strip and shift. Find him, and I’ll follow you.”
“Okay.” He quickly removed his clothes and shifted. I picked them up before I followed where he ran to. I could also run faster in human form.
When I thought my senses deteriorated, I was wrong. I was just distracted, and it affected me with what was going on with Califf. He was the distraction in my head.
I closed my eyes and blocked all my thoughts except to listen to my surroundings. A breeze whispered through the leaves. I could hear his heartbeat and breathing if Califf was close to where we were.
I took a deep breath, and later on, I could hear the insects munching their food, the leaves rustling, the wind blowing, and even the distant thuds of Zack’s paws as he ran away, finding his Alpha.
Then, a heartbeat- a fast heartbeat caught my hearing. It was definitely Califf- that unique heartbeat that beat as one with mine.
I instantly opened my link to Zack. “Go to the clearing where I drove away with the wrangler. You will find him there.”