A few days have passed since Anthony took us to the graveyard, he’s spent most of his time in his room when he does come out he doesn’t speak. Amelia had just gone down for her nap when I see him sitting in the garden, he sat with his head in his hands looking like he was talking to himself. I debate whether to go out there or not to check, I was running different scenarios in my head of what not to do. I mean it might make him angry, but if I don’t go he might get offended that I didn’t, I feel like I’ve had this mental talk with myself before.
I decide I probably want to know what’s going around the mind of the person holding us, I slowly make my way towards the sliding door where he sat facing forward. Unfortunately, the glass was too thick for me to hear what he was saying to himself, I wait a second before slowly opening the door, which alerts him so he turns to look at me.
“Oh doll, is everything okay?” He asks looking a little worried, which confused me for many reasons.
“Yeah everything’s okay, I just put Amelia down for a nap and I saw you here, I was checking if everything was okay with you” I smile, trying to sound as sweet as I could not to alarm him more, he seems to calm down nodding.
“I was just thinking about some stuff, I need to ask you something” he says looking back at me, I just nod as he moves aside on the outside sofa, tapping the place beside him.
I slowly walk over sitting beside him placing my hands in my lap, he proceeds to not say a single word for a moment, as though he was trying to think of how to phase his question.
“I’ve done some bad things in my life, I’ve hurt people, I’ve took some things that I shouldn’t have, but it’s all been for different reasons that I thought was good” he starts to explain, which wasn’t actually a question “for instance, when I first fully got into this, it was when my mother kicked me out, I had to rob people as I had nothing. Than I met ink and I had to help him, cause I was just like him before, from there I met many different people who also needed me to do those things for them” he continues talking quite quickly, it was getting harder to understand what he was actually saying.
“The things that I’m doing right now is to stop people taking you and Amelia away from me, yes I know it’s wrong but I can’t let you and her leave me” he continues, still not asking me the question that he intended to when I first sat down “I just want to know, does that make me a bad person? Everything I have done is actually for good” he finally asks me the question, but it was gonna be harder to answer than I thought.
Of course I wanna say, yes you are a bad person! Due to the whole kidnapping two people thing, but I can’t for two reasons. The first? obviously he might get angry and god knows what he’ll do to me, but two for some reason a part of me is saying maybe he isn’t a bad person. I know I sound so incredibly dumb for thinking that with everything he has done, but I can’t help but feel bad for him, he had a pretty tough upbringing, with a mother that didn’t care and a father that tried his best. But what also comes to mind is the times when he’s acted so different, a few times now he’s been so nice and acted like he generally cared, and how compassionate he was when I told him about my parents. People aren’t born bad or born to do bad things, it’s what happens in their life which causes them to do the things that they do, maybe this is him just trying to navigate his way through life the only way he knows how.
I look over at him staring at me with hopeful eyes waiting got my response.
“Sometimes, we do things that we aren’t always proud of but in that moment there’s nothing else we can do, does that make us bad people? No, it just means we’re trying to handle situations the best way we possibly can, sometimes that means doing things that aren’t great” I say, trying the answer his question the best way I could.
He doesn’t speak for a while and looks down at the ground, I could tell whatever was really going around his mind, was really eating him up.
“Thanks doll, you always seem to know exactly what to say to make me feel better” he smiles wrapping his arms around me for a tight hug, mid hug I hear Amelia start to cry waking up from her rather short nap.
“Don’t worry I’ll go” he smiles, pulling away from the hug walking into the house, once he was gone I sigh putting my head in my hands this time.
Why am I starting to feel bad for this guy? he’s done so many bad things to me and in front of me but I just can’t help it. Most of the time, I wanna scream in his face and tell him to take us home, but other times I just wanna hold his hand and him everything is gonna be okay. What kind of person does that make me? I know of the things he’s done and I’m feeling compassionate towards him! But when you’re put in this situation, everything you used to feel is just flown out the window.
The cold November air makes a shiver run down me reminding me to go in, I sigh rising to my feet starting to make my way back inside. As I close the door I hear Anthony talking to Amelia upstairs, I smile a little making my way down the hall when I pass a door that’s never open, but for some reason it was wide open. I stare down the hallway making sure Anthony wasn’t near by before slowly walking in, it led to a different room with a desk, a few bookshelves and chairs. The thing that caught my attention was the phone sitting on the desk, this is the first phone I’ve been near one since I’ve come here. Could this be my way of escaping?
The sound of Anthony’s voice calling my name makes me leave the room, I quickly leave the room closing the door quietly behind me, as I hear Anthony making he way down the stairs with Amelia. I quietly run down the hall and stop turning to walk down the hall once more, to make it seem like I just came from the back garden.
“There’s mummy” Anthony says, looking down to Amelia who’s face lights up when she sees me “I tried to make her lay back down for a nap but she wasn’t have any of it” he smiles, tickling her a little bit causing her to giggle.
“I need to make her a bottle up” I smile, as the door bell rings over and over again, Anthony stares at the door confused for a second turning back to me.
“Well you go make her up a bottle, I’ll put her in the living room while I go to get the door” he says, as the doorbell continues, I nod heading towards the kitchen while he went to the living room.
I’d just finished the bottle when a woman’s voice starts shouting through the house, I listen closer and realise it was that of his sister Nicole. I grab the bottle and go through the other door to the living room to avoid where she would be, Amelia was stood holding onto the table watching some child’s cartoon on the tv. I knell down handing her the bottle as Nicole storms into the living room.
“There you are! Adam hadn’t come home for a few days, I just thought it was work, then I realise he’s left his laptop at home which he would need for work” she starts, just getting right to the point “I didn’t think too much of it at first, until I rang his office where they proceed to tell me that they hadn’t heard from him in a few days and thought he was taking some time off! I decide to check on his laptop and what do I see? He was looking you up just before he left” she shouts, trying to get into my face but Anthony pulls her back where he stands in front of her.
“Why was my husband looking you up before he went missing?!” She shouts, causing Amelia to jump and start crying.
“We don’t know what you’re talking about, get out of my house now” Anthony says in a serious voice towards his sister, she looks down at Amelia picking her up roughly.
I move passed Anthony, not even wanting to know where this was about to go.
“Now I’m gonna ask you again, why was my husband looking you up before he left?!” She shouts, this time with a crying Amelia in her arms, I look back to Anthony he backed away going into a draw pulling something out, I had a feeling I knew what that was.