I had spent most of the week looking for proof that Ray was the hacker but I couldn’t find any. He was good at hacking and covering his tracks. There was no possible way the code could be traced back to him and there was no back door that could show the location from where the hacking occurred.
There hadn’t been any more hacking incidents but there hadn’t been any more progress in catching the hacker either.
I was the only one who knew of Ray using the ‘4-4’ signature and every time I saw Athena which was almost every day, I would remember her and Ray kissing or Ray and that other girl kissing. I had devoted almost every second even outside the office in search of any proof and I was still standing at nothing.
I slammed down the laptop, frustrated and annoyed. I needed coffee. Again.
I made myself a cup of strong coffee and rubbed my forehead feeling the familiar headache develop fast. It had started exactly one week before. The night I read the most shocking news – Alex Bianchi and Diana Reynolds getting engaged.
I didn’t know how to react or what to say. So instead I did the only possible way I knew to deal with my emotions – shove them inside a corner of the brain and preoccupy myself until it becomes a lost memory.
I walked towards the empty room for some peace of mind and to forget the images of Diana Reynolds shoving her diamond studded ring finger in front of the paparazzi cameras. And as luck would have it Athena was already there.
The lights were dim and she had her back towards me. I was just about to scoff and announce my presence when I heard her voice – furious and stern.
“I don’t care what they say Ma. I don’t want to see him. I hate him.”
I almost stopped breathing. I knew I was intruding but I couldn’t stop my legs from moving away either.
Athena continued. “I know Ma! I know. But I am happy here. I have a life here. I have a job. You cannot expect me to throw all of this away just because he doesn’t want me happy.”
There was slight pause and then I heard something I never in my dreams thought I would. Athena’s broken voice, almost as if she were crying. But Athena with her stoic face and emotionless heart?
“I can’t believe you would choose him over me, after all that we have been through. You will never change will you? I wish I could hate you too Ma. I wish I could.” And then Athena cut the call, her face falling into her arms. I could see her shoulders shaking lightly and then a sniffle.
I slowly cleared my throat, holding on to the coffee cup for support. I knew she was going to be super livid about me snooping on her personal life but I felt like I should be supporting her.
Athena froze at the sound, she very slowly lifted her head and turned. Her eyebrows furrowing as she glared at me. “Nosey bitch.” She spat out.
I smiled faking sweetness. “Hello to you too.” I walked towards her, sitting on the chair next to her.
Athena sighed defiantly. “How much of it did you hear?”
“Just the last part.” I answered.
“And you won’t pretend to forget it all?”
I looked at her dried up eyes and replied truthfully. “No.”
“Fine. What do you want to know?” Athena leaned back on the chair, closing her eyes.
“Was that your mother?”
She snorted. “No I call my grandfather Ma. You are some Sherlock huh?”
I pressed my lips together, fighting the urge to be sarcastic as well. “So that was your mother. Why was she calling?”
“To ask me if I ate my dinner and if I was having enough sex.”
I narrowed my eyes at her smug face. “Really and what did you reply? That you enjoy eating other’s happiness and that having sex is out of question because no one really wants to be near you?”
Athena’s eyes snapped open, her scowl in her eyes. “You are really annoying, you know that Myra?”
I feigned a smile. “You really bring out the worst in me, you know that Athena?”
We glared at each other for a while until Athena sighed and looked away. “That was my mother, she wants me to come back home, to Ottawa.” Athena shrugged, looking down at her nails. “Her husband, my stepfather, how do I put this nicely? He is an asshole and he deserves to be dead so that he can rot in hell.”
“Wow.” I breathed out, surprised at the intensity of hatred. That was put nicely?
She continued. “My father left us when I was a kid, I don’t even remember his face. My mother was a waitress so she worked hard until she found my awesome step-dad. He is a drug dealer, he drinks, he smokes, he beats the shit out of my mother but she is in love with him.” Athena scoffed, biting her lower lip slowly. “I spent most of my teenage sleeping at the library so I wouldn’t have to go back to stepping on broken glasses on the floor and watch my mom crying in a corner.”
I wanted to pat her shoulder but it was Athena, she could wring my neck for that small act of affection.
“He would steal mom’s money and get drugs. So I had to work to pay for my own school and college. I begged my mother to leave him.” Athena let out a small sob. “Begged her. I told her I would keep her safe, here. But she said no, she said and I quote, ‘He is my love, where he lives, I live.’ I left the next morning and never turned back.”
A single tear dropped out of Athena’s eye and despite the warning bells in my brains, I patted her shoulder.
She didn’t seem to notice or she choose to ignore it but she didn’t swat my hand away so I kept it there. “It has been over 4 years since I have seen my own mother. And now that sick bastard has cancer and my mom wants to me come down there to help her take care of him. The man who beat her shamelessly. The man who would hit me at night and the man I loathe so much. He is the reason I can’t seem to trust anyone that easily and prefer to live alone.”
Athena wiped away her tears, breathing in and out deeply. “And that is what the conversation was about. My mother begging me to come back. Again. And me, wishing I hated her.”
I didn’t know what to answer. “You are strong. At least you picked up your mom’s call. I just end up letting it go to voicemail.”
Athena glanced at me, surprised at my response to the sob story. “That is what you have to say.”
I shrugged, patting her back one final time. “Honestly I don’t what to say. I have a rocky family relation too but nothing this bad. So I don’t know how you are feeling. But if you are here, living on your own, working a great job, then you must be handling it all well.” I shrugged, giving her a small teasing smile. “Maybe work on your social skills though.”
Athena smiled back, a real one, a rare one. “Maybe I will. Thanks Myra.” I wasn’t surprised at her next words. “For being a bitch and not leaving me alone when I told you too.”
I nodded, letting out a low laugh. “You are welcome. I’ll order Social Skills 101 for you.”
Athena laughed back. “I won’t be paying you.”
“Consider it a gift.”
And in those two silent minutes, I felt like we had bonded. I didn’t hate her as much as before and she wasn’t glaring at me so that was nice.
She was just a broken soul, lost and alone, yet so beautiful.
Our moment didn’t last for long. The sudden knock made us turn back towards the door and standing there was the guy I had succeeded in avoiding for many months now.
Athena got back. “I’ll leave you two alone.” She whispered, walking away.
I gulped, staring at Alex. He looked good. It was past midnight but he was still in his suit, a slightly wrinkled grey one that was tailored to fit his perfect body. His hair were a little messy like had been moving his fingers through his hair a lot. His beard wasn’t trimmed and there were dark circles under his eyes. He was tired, definitely but that didn’t stop him from being attractive.
On the contrary, those exhausted eyes seemed more intense now. He took a step inside, closing the door behind him.
I took an open mouthed breath, trying to control my heart rate which was now real fast.
“Myra.” Just the way my name rolled of his tongue, I wanted to forget everything and just kiss him senselessly, until the only name he could say was mine, Myra.
“Alex.” my voice broke, half gasp and half scrap.
“How are you?”
Horny. “Good. You?”
He blinked, looking at his boots, scratching his head. “Not good.”
“Oh.” Alex confused and nervous was a sight to witness. “Um is it the wedding preparations?”
He looked back up, walking slowly towards me. Unconsciously I took a step back. Alex froze. I swallowed.
“Go on a date with me, a real date.”
I shook my head, not quite understanding the direction of this talk. “You are getting married.” My eyes glanced at the silver ring on his ring finger. “You have a fiancé.”
Alex looked at the ring, a series of emotions flying over his face. I could only catch one – distress. He looked back at me and then did the most unimaginable thing. He removed the ring and stuffed it into his pocket. “Now go on a date with me.”
I sighed, shaking my head. “You are still engaged. And I have a boyfriend.”
“He’s not your boyfriend.” Alex instantly corrected.
I raised an eyebrow at him surprised.
“Zivah.” He shrugged admitting his informant.
I rolled my eyes, of course it would be her. “It’s complicated.”
“Don’t you want to escape?” He asked. “Escape this all. Even if it’s just for a while.”
I looked around at the empty. “Escape what?”
“This, this tension between us. This difference. This distance.” He pointed at the space between us.
I unconsciously scratched the back of my neck, not quite understanding how to react to his words. A part me did want to escape but I was scared – if I did escape with him, I wouldn’t want to come back to reality. I would want to stay there, with him, not for just a while but forever.
So crushing my thoughts, I looked at his shoulder unable to meet eyes. “No, I don’t want to escape. Not with you.”
I heard him sigh and I looked down at my feet. “Why are you here?”
“Because you like me.”
My face shot up, looking at him. “That’s not true.” I objected.
“Okay then I like you.”
My jaw dropped down. “Wh-What?”
“All I am asking for is a date, no escape.” Alex said, taking a step closer, this time I didn’t back and he took another step towards me. Close enough to grab me if I ran away.
I wanted to say yes, even with all the warning bells and heart breaking alarms, I wanted to go on a real date with Alex.
“Give me one chance and then I won’t trouble you again.”
And that last part of the sentence broke a part of me, because I wanted, I wanted him to trouble me. I wanted him to come to see me at odd hours. I wanted him to demand I go on dates with him. But mostly I just wanted to feel his presence near me, hear his soothing voice and maybe kiss him too.
I couldn’t understand what of my brain should I listen to – one begged me to stop overthinking and just go on the date while the other swore that I would surely regret this decision.
I remembered the only advice my mother had ever given me when I was in school and my only friend at that time had stopped talking to me because she had got a boyfriend. ‘Myra, always remember. If you want someone’s attention you have to be around them. You sitting in my kitchen, eating all my cookies and wasting my time with your sob story will not help. If you want her to miss you then you must show her that you are worth missing. Get out of here now. Do your homework.’
So against my better judgment. I said, “Yes, I’ll go on a date with you.”
Why? Because as selfish as it sounded, I wanted him to miss me too. I wanted to show him that I was worth missing.
Alex clearly did not expect this reply. I saw his eyes widen in surprise and I smiled at that. “You what?”
“I’ll go on a date with you.” I repeated. “But just one.”
Alex nodded, a smile forming on his face, “Okay. Okay.”
I tried to control my bright smile. “Okay.”
Alex tapped his feet, blinking anxiously. “So um, today?”
I shrugged a shoulder. “Sounds good.”
“Okay today. I’ll pick you up.” Alex said but his attention seemed frantic.
“You okay?” I asked uncomfortably.
“Yes. Yes.” He nodded. “Just so much planning to do. Okay bye. See you on our date.” And without another glance he was out of the door.
I stared at the empty space he was just standing and then at the ajar door. “Well that went well.” I said to myself.
I sat on the chair in the empty room, finally coming to the realization that I had a date with Alex Bianchi. The guy was engaged and would soon be married. And yet not one bone of me regretted saying yes to that date with him.
I was past the phase of denial. I was past the gossip floating around ‘What ifs’. I was doing what I desired. I was doing what made me happy. And there is nothing wrong with that.