Noel’s POV
“And then he was like you lawn mowers mowing my lawn without my permission make sure when you’re done my lawn still remains the same way you met it cox I know I didn’t freaking employ you. There’s a particular way I like my lawn if it ain’t like that I usually kill people!” I say trying to imitate a deep voice while also trying not to laugh and also trying to keep steady on a treadmill. Woah I’m trying a lot of things.
“I hate that. People doing stuff without being asked and expecting you to pay them afterward.” Jesse said checking the numbers on the treadmill and increasing it a little.
I threw him a glare but I was not capable of being angry with the story I was telling still going through my mind. Its one of the hilarious moments my father pulled with neighbors around. “Yea my dad hated it too and the way he spoke to the boys doing the ‘compulsory mowing service’ it scared them and they immediately gathered the machines and scrambled out of our lawn picking up the already uprooted grass and trying to place it back to normal.” I laughed, remembering their faces, “my dad didn’t even have a gun.”
“Your dad must have been really cool,” Jesse said walking around and observing me like a through gym trainer.
“Yea he was,” I said smiling fondly throughout our gym session Jesse’s being making me talk about dad. First about how he died and stories that remind me of him. I wonder what he was trying to do but since he was my new shrink I didn’t bother ask and just went with the flow.
“You’re so slow this is the speed a toddler would use on a treadmill.” He complained.
“Well when it comes to exercise I’m a toddler deal with it this was your idea,” I complained looking down at my feet.
“Well I’m trying to change your status.” He says.
“Its already changed. I’m in a relationship.” I say sticking out my tongue at him.
He smirked, “yea yea whatever. No that kind of status. Your lazy couch potato status. I’m prepping you for war.”
“You’re crazy you know.”
“Mm I can live with that. Now go faster.” He increased it again and I readied myself to fly off anytime soon.
We stayed in silence, my breath being the only sound in the room. “So let me get this straight. You never said goodbye to your dad.”
I frowned curious as to why he was going on with the dad talk, “yea, kind of.”
“Your dad loves you wearing a beanie and before his demise he wore it a lot?” He asked carefully as if placing puzzle pieces.
“Mmhmm.” I nodded at him.
“Ok, guess what I think. As your unofficial shrink I’ve come up with a diagnosis. Guess.” He said stopping the treadmill and raising his collar up.
I sighed grateful that my legs could now get the relief they craved. I sat down on the treadmill and Jesse tossed me a water bottle sitting beside me. “Jesse no matter how much you adjust that collar it won’t make you look professional.”
“that’s not the point” he answered glaring at me.
I sighed I guess we’re doing this. “Ok tell me, I’m not good at guessing.”
He smiled proudly happy to disclose whatever news he had by himself. “I think you haven’t fully let go of your dad. I think you’re using the beanie as some sought of inanimate replacement. Like your subconscious is saying, ‘if the beanie is here, dad is here. If dad is here I’m ok, I’m fine. I’m protected. All is well in the north pole’ ”
I clutched the water bottle and let the words he said repeat themselves to me over and over again. I feel him tip my chin up to look directly into his eyes, “You were a daddy’s girl. He being gone affected you very much. You seeked comfort in the beanie and now you’ve gotten so used to it its become a part of you. But we have to grow up someday. Everybody. Our parents elders are meant to leave. The time may not be appropriate to us but we can’t tell. One day you’ll have to face that you’re in this by yourself. No daddy and no beanie.” He showed me his hand and I saw my milky beanie in his fingers.
I reluctantly reached up and touched my head, no beanie it was really in his hands. “H-how long- how long have you had it?”
He smiled, “for a while now while you were still on the treadmill talking about him. The memories Noel, the memories are what we hold onto.”
A tear leaked out of my eyes as they remained fixed on my beanie. This is the first time, the very first time I’m without it in public. My eyes go back to Jesse and a ghost smile is on my lip. “What are you? Are you really a shrink?”
He laughed, “Nope but now I’m considering becoming one.”
I chuckled, ” you talk as if you know this a lot.”
“Well, well maybe I do.” He says looking down for a second. I raise my brow at him and he sighed. “The man I fight with everyday, that’s…. that’s my stepfather.”
I gasp not really expecting that news, “Jesse…”
“He left when I was 10, vehicle accident, didn’t really know him much but… but I know he was a lot better than the one I’m stuck with now.” He explains fiddling with my beanie.
I don’t know if it’s sympathy or just grief overload or the need for two fatherless children to console each other but my body wills itself and soon I’m in a bone crushing hug with Jesse. It takes him a moment before he hugs me back.
.
.
I waltz my way into the kitchen, literary. I’m actually turning around and humming a song to myself as I enter into the kitchen. Mum with a helmet and she’s cooking again. She chuckles as she sees me lifting the helmet off her head to reveal her messy hair and damp pasty face.
“What’s got you in a good mood and are you actually dancing?” She asks looking at me strangely.
I ignore her and I go and hug her from behind taking in the her fresh vanilla scent now mixed with cooked food smell. “I love you mom.”
She stiffens then turn back to look at me raising her brow, “Noel? Are you ok honey?”
I nod smiling she reaches up to feel my temperature. I just laugh and hug her again. “Noel don’t go play the I love you card on me then die off.” She says skeptically hugging me back.
“No mum I’m not dying off. I just feel like telling you that I love you. Is that bad?” I pout at her. After one long look at me she pushes me away and places her hand on her hip.
“Ok what do you want? Hope you haven’t done something really terrible at school?”
“No i don’t need anything and I’ve not done anything wrong.”
After one long look at me, I think she’s finally going to believe me but instead she blunts, “Are you pregnant?!”
I scoff moving over to go taste the dough she’s mixing. “You’re unbelievable mum. Hmm this is good.”
She sighs, “yes I’m getting better with all my practice. This way on Christmas day I’d know how to cook and bake most of everything.”
Ooh Christmas my favorite holiday of the year. Its no surprise my name means Christmas which Jesse has decided to call me for the rest of my life. I doubt he even knows how to pronounce Noel. Anyway back to Christmas, I love Christmas. Christmas is the time of the year where there’s lots of sweets to chow on, snow, ice skating and I get a lot of presents from Santa aka dad.
My last Christmas wasn’t all that memorable, I didn’t go skating as was tradition and the tree wasn’t filled with present, just a little here and there. Mary Lou our cook was in depression and from my mom shouting hear and there —she was in a sour mood too— most the food ended up burnt. I cried throughout Christmas until the next day. But this Christmas is going to be better, yes no daddy but there’s mummy and there’s Aaron and Jesse and Nadine and Peyton. Let’s not forget Liv my personal fighter.
“Mum are we getting a tree?” I ask still licking up dough.
She slapped my hand away, “I don’t know, do you want us to get one?”
“Yes, I want us to get a giant tree I brought our old decorations and ornaments the are all packed up in a closed box. But if we don’t have the money….” I trailed off looking out from beneath my lashes and giving my mum puppy eyes.
She looks at me like I’m different from the daughter she knows then she smiles wildly, “We’ll get the biggest tree in the whole new York as far as it fits in. We’ll decorate it together. We’ll even put a mistletoe. It would be perfect.”
Mistletoe was also family tradition. We always hanged a mistletoe in the living room and whenever dad or mum find themselves under it they would kiss and I’ll be shouting ewww in the background. Mom also said it was a childish and indecent tradition but she still grumbly partakes in it every year.
“Yea mum that’s the spirit, oh and mum in the light of Christmas spirit and all is it ok if I go out and don’t come back until really late?” I blunted so fast giving my best puppy eyes better than the first.
“Ah I knew it. I knew you wanted something. Where’re you going off too?”
“A school game,” I said excitedly my feet bouncing up and down, that’s the reason for my over excitement this evening. Aaron’s game.
“And you’ll be back?”
“I don’t know, if we win —which we will— there’ll be an after party. I’m attending that too.” I say hoping she says yes.
“Ok go off get out and go have fun but take care and stay with you friends always.” She says checking the oven
I squeal, “thanks mum.” Then I run off. “Oh and Noel?” I turn to look at her. “I love you too.” I grin widely at her before making my way upstairs to go get prepped up. Its like I’m high on drugs or something.
Its my first outing as Aaron’s girlfriend to a big game. It wasn’t even going to be played in our school. Its in a rival school. Nadine’s coming too and Liv. Unfortunately not Peyton. I dressed up in black leggings and I put on Aaron’s jersey, with his number and surname on it. Jesse got it for me after much pleading. I painted the school colour on my cheeks in two strips. Packing my hair up into a ponytail I examined myself. I looked good.
I’m so going to surprise Aaron. I crossed over to Jesse’s room and he was already ready go take me. He unfortunately was my ride. I didn’t want to go out through my door because my mum would start asking me questions about the Jersey and weird makeup.
“Nice look Christmas. Didn’t think you’d go through with it.” Jesse said smirking at me.
“I didn’t think I would too but I did. Now take me to my Romeo,” I blunted out then immediately shut my mouth.
Jesse started laughing his head off, “as you wish Juliet.”
I blushed following him behind, “but we won’t kill ourselves though. That’s stupid.”
“Ow come on, that’s the best part of being Romeo and Juliet,” Jesse whined getting on his bike.
“Turkey brain.” I retorted climbing unto the bike and putting the helmet on top my beanie. Yes I’m still wearing my beanie. I’m slowly putting it aside, key word being slowly. Its not easy, not at all
We reach the rival school in no time and Jesse goes about greeting people like he has known them all his life. I make my way into the school and I see Nadine completely painted in the school colours with a big pack of popcorn. We shake hands and I ask where Aaron is and she says she hasn’t seen him. Her and Liv decide to go get us chairs on our side of the bleachers while I wait to see Aaron. I didn’t wait for long because soon the boys start piling out the locker room. I see Aaron immediately and my whole face glow up. He’s head peeks above all others as he searches around for something, someone. He finally sees little ol me and smiles making his way to me. Finally we’re standing face to each other and his eyes scan me.
“Hi,” I breath out waiting for something, a compliment? A reaction? Whatever
And a reaction I did get, Aaron raised me into the air and spin me around with a large smile on his face. Everybody was looking at us but I couldn’t care less. I made him happy and that’s all that matters.
“Good luck kiss?” He ask holding me to himself. I smile and place a quick peck on his lips. He groaned, “no no no, kiss me like you missed me. I missed you so much.”
I laugh, “you won’t make it to your game on time if you don’t go now.”
“Last kiss first.” He insisted and I pressed my lips to his, he immediately took over kissing me until my legs started to wobble.
“Altamira! Let’s go!” Someone shouted. We broke apart resting our foreheads on each other.
“See you later?”
“Sure,” I breathed out my mind still jumble up. He smiled and ran off.
“Bye love.”
“Bye…” My finger go up to my lips, no matter how many times we kiss I just don’t get used to it. “… Love.”
The game went fine although our rivals were really good and we barely won with four points. I nearly caught a heart attack in this one. I so wanted us to win, So badly. Every time the opposing team won it was like a piece of me breaking. But eventually we won and that resulted in another mind blowing kiss. We went to the after party and it was really fun.
Somehow I fell asleep and I know for sure it wasn’t on my bed.
~
When love is not madness, its not love.
~