Noel’s POV
There’s that one person in your life that you can’t always lie to. One look from them and you’re already saying the truth down to how you cheated and didn’t get rid of your bicycle trainers until you were 11 years old. I didn’t have that person in my life until Aaron came by. One question, one look and I’m already spewing out my fears and problem to him.
“C-Cancer.” I answered shaking the word sounding like bile in my mouth.
“What happened to cancer?” Aaron asked confused. Then his eyes widened. “You have cancer?”
I waved my hand, “no, no I don’t. As least not yet. My dad’s grandfather had cancer, his mother had cancer and then he too. I’m- I’m just waiting for mine to come. And wearing a beanie, wearing a beanie feels like I’m protecting myself, slowing it. Increasing my life span.”
Aaron jaw clenched up, then he turned to the steering wheel and hit it, making me jerk up at the noise. “That’s the problem Noel, why do you always think negatively? Huh why can you think or believe that in this chain of heretic illness that you, that you’ll be the only one to survive it, to not get it.”
“There’s no need thinking positive Aaron, that just makes it harder. What’s gonna happen is gonna happen.”
Silence no body said anything, Aaron just held on to the steering wheel his knuckles turning white. Then he turned to me with a pained expression, I almost yelped.
“How can you say that? How can you prepare your mind to die when you’re not even sick?”
“It makes it easier that way.”
“No it doesn’t!” He shouted making me jump. He removed the beanie from my head and I looked at him surprised. “This doesn’t help. You’re not sick, quit it! You’re alive, you don’t need the stupid beanie!”
“It’s not stupid,” I said calmly I barely heard myself. Why is he saying this? Why can’t he understand it?
“It is! Its stupid Noel”
“If its stupid then I’m stupid too. Isn’t it?” I asked daring him to say something.
“No, you’re just sick and maybe you need help. To talk to someone.” He said.
“No I’m fine.” I said
“No Noel you aren’t. This isn’t healthy at all. You need to talk to someone.” Aaron said holding onto my hand.
“No! No I’m fine Aaron I don’t need you butting into my business.” I yanked my beanie off his hand, opened the car and rushed inside. I had not even reached the stairs when I heard the loud horning of the car, continuous waking up the whole neighborhood.
“Noel?” My mum called coming out of her room with her night robe on her. She saw my holding the banister, “Noel are you ok?”
I didn’t want to look at her. I didn’t want to look at her because I was crying and the continuous horning outside was like someone putting a hand into my heart and twisting it. “Yeah, I’m fine mum.” I ran past her and into the room.
Dogs were barking round and everybody light was on. I think Jesse came out before the horning finally stopped. I shut my window and locked my door. I don’t want to see anybody especially Aaron.
I walked to my closet, opened it up and brought out every beanie I owned. They were much. Different colours, design, style but they had one thing in common; they were all beanies. I couldn’t even count them. This were the only things I’ve spent my money buying for two years. I didn’t let mum buy them for me. I saved up and bought every single one and now… and now they were stupid. I know Aaron was angry but he shouldn’t have said that, he shouldn’t have said that to me. I lay on top of them and closed my eyes letting memories drown me.
“Hurry up Noel cover up!” My dad yelled all the way from the living room.
“I don’t see the need for this,” my mum said grumbling as she descending the stairs. “The family going to an ice rink that’s dangerous Steven.”
“Yea yea but we’ll have fun and its not going to be dangerous Gracey, the ice rink is solid.” My dad said gathering our stuff.
“I’m here, I’m here!” I yelled rolling down the banister.
“Noel! What is wrong with you? Behave like a lady.” Mum scolded.
“Sorry,” I said before running to my dad. He is the cool one. “I’m here!”
He chuckled, “ofcourse you are I heard you miles away.” He exaggerated and we laughed. “Is that a beanie I see?”
“Yea for the cold.” I said adjusting the beanie on my head. My dad moved to me and helped set it straight on my head.
“You look good in a beanie. Its as if beanies were made for you.” He said patting my cheek. “We should go to the ice rink everyday so Noel would wear a pretty beanie.”
“You’re just looking for an excuse to go to an ice rink. Not happening.” Mum said.
“Don’t I look good in a beanie?” I asked mum.
“You look good in everything,” mum said not even looking at me.
(A year later)
I sat on the hospital cushion watching my dad, he lay still there the heart monitor the only thing to show that he was alive. He looked so thin and frail, nothing like my father. The nurse entered and I turned to her. She nodded at me before going to my dad’s bedside.
“Nurse?” I called softly getting up to cushion and going to hold my dads boney hand.
“Yea dear?” She answered checking my dad IV.
“Why is my dad always wearing a beanie now?” I asked looking at the blue beanie on his head. It was always on his head this days.
“Its the brain cancer honey. It helps keep his head warm and protected. Also his hair is slowly going.” She answered and I wiped the tear that dropped off.
Two days later dad went for surgery. I could mum talking on the phone with a bank manager about loan and stuff. The surgery spent us dry. Mum and I waited outside seating and awaiting news.
“Mum dad’s gonna make it right?” I asked her as I watched her foot bounce up and down.
“Ofcourse Noel, this are the best doctors.” She answered as her feet stopped bouncing. Then she held onto my hand. “Come on let’s go pray.”
Since dad became ill we’ve been praying a lot, we prayed before but now it tripled doubled up. The surgery went well but dad was unconscious. The next day he opened his eyes and he looked fine. He even joked around.
“Dad you’re fine now?” I asked smiling as I held his hand, soon it would be back to the strong fleshy hand that I love to hold.
“Yes baby, can’t you see I’m perfectly ok.” He said trying to sit up.
I laughed and held him down. “No dad rest, you need to rest.”
“Ok but when I’m fully fine we’ll play all the games this world has to offer and be sure I’ll win you.” He said his brown eyes shining.
I looked around for my mum, “dad mum said we should stop playing games. That it’s unladylike.”
“Tch since when do we listen to mum. We’ll play all the games even if we have to do it in the basement. Promise?” He held our his pinky.
I giggled and linked our pinky, “promise.”
He yawned “God, I’m in need of ice cream. Its so long.”
“Is it good for you?”
“Ofcourse, go get me some ok?” He pleaded.
“Ok but stay awake till I return if you sleep the ice cream would melt.”
I ran off to go buy the ice cream, dad’s favorite banana. The kiosk was full so I had to wait a while. When I finally bought it, I ran back hoping dad was still awake. We had a lot to talk about. We always bitched on Caren together. If he heard her latest escapades he’d be sure to laugh.
When I reached his ward, I noticed something was different. Doctors were rushing in and out of his room. Mum was looking into the room from the glass, holding her shirt so tight. I think I’d tear off.
“Mum what’s wrong?” I asked.
“It’s your dad Noel. Your dad.” I looked into the window and the doctors were with him. They placed those electric stuff on his chest, it made him jump once, twice, thrice. Nothing. Suddenly all the doctors stopped hurrying about. One doctor checked his watch and said something while the nurses took the white bedsheet and pulled it over his head.
Mom screamed so loud, the nurses rushed to her. I on the the other hand couldn’t move, all I could think about was. “Who would eat the Ice cream now?”
I cried during the burial, everybody tried to console me and mum. I still couldn’t believe my dad was gone. He said he was fine. Mum said he would be alright. Lies all lies, lies that didn’t help. Lies that didn’t let me say goodbye. After the burial, I walked round the streets aimless. I just wanted to feel the fresh air. As I walked I saw a shop and a beanie on display through the glass. I stopped and looked at the beanie for long. It reminded me of dad.
A Lady came out. “Do you want it? Buy it, it’ll look good on you.” She handed it to me and I wore it. Something a about the beanie made me smile.
“I’ll take all you have please.”
“Its stupid.” I repeated. I reached for Lee and held him tightly against me. Maybe Aaron was Right, maybe I do need to talk to some body.
I got up took a shower, dressed in my PJs and went to my window. I couldn’t sleep and I’m worried about Jesse. Surprisingly they were stones around my window sill and I used it to hit Jesse’s window. After four hits he opened up and looked at me confused, rubbing his sleepy eyes like a child.
“Christmas?” He asked before yawning loudly without closing his mouth.
“Yes its me. Is Aaron in?” I whispered.
“No he went home.” Jesse whispered back.
“Great. Can I come in?” I asked. He looked at me for a while not saying anything. “Jesse?”
“Um, yea sure. Come in.” He moved away from the window and I don’t know where the courage came from but I crossed over to his window taking Lee with me. I entered into his room and it was dark but I could still see him in just his boxers. His abs shining in the moonlight. “Uh make yourself at home. I’ll go put on a shirt.”
I nod, flicked on his light and sat on the bed, stretching my legs. He came out seconds later wearing a shirt and boxers. “Should I get you anything? Water? Coffee?”
“No thanks I’m ok.” I answered. He nodded and sat on the other side of the bed. His room was just like mine, but coloured grey with a punching bag, and weight lift. Clothes were lying around but it wasn’t too messy.
“Nice teddy,” he said breaking the silence.
“Yea he’s beautiful.” I replied, silence fell again.
Jesse groaned. “Ok, I don’t know what you’ve heard about me but I don’t do late night booty call.”
I laughed, “idiot I’m not a booty call.”
“Great, now what’s up except the moon?” He asked turning to me. Then I noticed the cut on his lip.
“What happened to you?” I asked concerned pointing at his lip.
“Tch, is it bad?” He asked me touching it then flinching.
“Not really.” I answered sincerely.
“My dad, he wants to ruin my beautiful face but he didn’t succeed I remain more handsome than him,” Jesse said winking at me.
My jaw hanged open, “your dad? He was the one you were arguing with this morning?”
He relaxed back on the bed, “yeah, that asshat.”
“What’s wrong? Why do you guys have to fight like that?” I couldn’t understand how family go against each other to the extent of physical combat.
He looked at me raising a brow, “You’re in need of stories this night?”
“Yep, I can’t sleep.” I confessed.
“Hmm, ok. So my dad’s a crazy man. My mum was just downright unlucky to pick him out of all the good people in the world. He’s an alcoholic and a violent man. Before my mum got divorced he would beat her up and me too. After the divorce he kept coming back asking for money and support. I’m guessing he didn’t know that my mum now had a grown up me. I mean if I was a girl, it would have been so easy, he’d come scatter, cause trouble then leave us crying and broken but he ran out of luck because I’m a guy. A strong one and if it means punching out all his teeth to send a message I’m ready to that.” Jesse said smirking at me like its a joke.
I chuckled lightly, “you’re crazy Jesse.”
“Now tell your own story.” He said tossing a pack of gummy bears to me.
I grinned and digged in, “Aaron and I had a fight. He thinks I’m crazy and should see a psychiatrist. Can you imagine? Just because I’m am attached to my beanie. He doesn’t even know everything.” Silence. Only me digging into gummy bears can be heard. “What do think?”
“Well Aaron might have used a bad approach but I’m sure he just wants to help. And the psychiatric stuff, its up to you really. Do you think you’ll need it? Are you satisfied with the way you are? Its all up to you Christmas.” He said giving me a smile.
“And if I’m not ok? Does that mean I’m crazy?”
“No, it means you’ve been carrying a weight for way to long. Its time to drop it and stretch a little.” He said.
I laughed “where did you hear that? ”
“It just came to me. Damn I’m good.” He praised himself.
“Can I stay here?” I asked. I didn’t feel like going back to my beanie filled room.
“Sure Christmas as long as you promise not to rape me.”
“Gross. Trust me, I wouldn’t.”
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What do you think? Does Noel need help?
.
Thanks.
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I saw that you were perfect so I loved you. Then I saw that you’re imperfect and I loved you even more.
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