CHAPTER 52

Book:Grieving Hearts Published:2024-5-1

Agustin’s Pov……
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# Day 13
Happy birthday to me.
I hate this day-I dread this day, this is the same day my parents died. I never liked to celebrate my birthday, and I never did before I met you and Jacob, I remember how both of you always tried to cheer me up, saying that I should move past it or it will always be painful if I don’t try to move on, that was the first time after my parents death that I celebrated my birthday.
That was before our marriage, I remember my first birthday after our marriage. I never thought it will go that way. It stills hurts to think about that day.
I recalled my last birthday, tear stinging at the back of my eye.
You were not home when the clock stuck 12,
I thought you may be planning something special and just pretending to have forgotten my birthday to surprise me.
Then my phone rang, I hurriedly ran for it, thinking you must be calling, to say something like, come on the roof or something, as I used to do on your birthday, but it was Jacob’s call.
I picked up, he wished me “happy birthday, beautiful.” I giggled and said thank you.
” So what’s the plain for today?”
I excitedly replied “I think Agustin is planning a surprise for me”
Jacob went silent on the other side of the call, after a while he said he have to go and hung up.
I waited, waited and waited… one hour, two hours, three hours… whole night, you didn’t show up. I cried to the pillow whole night.
I tried to console my self, you must be stuck with somthing important. I checked my mobile again and again, for any message, any call, there where none.
Deep down I knew you are just hanging out with your friends, like countless other nights, when you don’t even think it’s necessary to at least inform me. But I couldn’t make bring myself to believe that, I thought at least today will be different.
You came in the morning saying your friends dragged you to the pub and you spend the night in one of your friends house.
I couldn’t say anything, I just stared at you. Maybe I didn’t do a good job in hiding the pain on my face,
Sensing that you catched your ears and said that you are really sorry and it won’t happen again, then you asked, what I want you to do to make me forgive you.
The words where on my lips but I didn’t- couldn’t voice it, I just wanted you to say,
‘Happy birthday, Onika.’
That would have done, I would have kissed you then and there, every thing forgiven, it was that simple.
Instead I said, “you are forgiven but from next time at least message me,” I gave a small smile to pretend every thing was okay, but if you I would have looked carefully, you would have noticed, I was holding back tears.
I instead, you smiled, kissed my forehead and said, “sure thing.”
You started to make your way to our bedroom when your phone rang, you looked at the screen and a frown appeared on your face, ” fourteen missed calls from Jacob, what’s wrong with him” you mumbled and latched the phone to your ear. I could see a shocked and guilty expression taking over your features, and I immediately figured out what Jacob said.
I just wanted to run away from there, may be I am being over sentimental, it’s okay… it’s no big deal, it’s just a birthday, right? why am I behaving like a cry baby, I tried to reason, it’s just that this day already has many bad memories associated with it and I don’t want to add more.
Why are you becoming so detached these days? Where am I going wrong? Maybe it’s just a phase of our relationship and it will get better with time.
Or maybe I need to understand, unlike me in whose life you are the only person that matters, there are many in your life and I need to accept that.
How stupid was I not to have understood, it was just because you never cared.
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# Day 14
You know, Agustin, why I fell in love with you?
I fell in love with you because you loved me when I couldn’t love myself, or so I thought.
Never knew it was just me loving you more than my own self and not the other way round.
What a fool you have made out of me.
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# Day 15
There was a day when I thought I would never get tired of saying ‘I love you’,
I thought nothing could ever change that, nothing.
I thought it would always be like that.
I have heard relationships break apart, I just never thought it would happen to us. I mean it’s us, We were ment for each other, isn’t it?
Oh, how wrong I was.
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# Day 16
It is said that there is always one person in a relationship that loves the other more, how I wanted you to be that person, but it seems that it doesn’t even apply in our case, because you never actually loved me. It was just me, stuck in one sided love, and even if you tried, you can never love me the way I loved you, never.
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# Day 17
You said you will never hurt me…. in reality no one had ever or can ever hurt me the way you did.
You said you will be always there for me….. by that I didn’t know you ment you will always be there in the form of demons I have to fight every second to keep myself in a single piece, was this what you ment when you said you will never let me feel lonely, if yes then this is the only promise you have kept.
You said you will always love me…… you have made me dread that word, I never want to be loved again, if this is what you call love.
You became everything you said you would never be.
And I am the unlucky witness of your transition from a loving husband to the devil himself.
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# Day 18
I think I know why it is so hard for me to overcome my fears.
Maybe it is because, I know you are somewhere out there, searching for me, hungry for my blood, the day you get me, god know what will happen. Even thinking about it cause a shiver to ran down my spine.
I know this is not the ending, I can feel it, I can sense the impending danger.
What scares me the most is thinking about what will happen to Alex.
I know I shouldn’t have kept Alex knowing I am on hiding from a psychopath, the danger is too high, I know it was a mistake, but still I can’t bring myself to regret it, Alex is the best thing to happen to me, he is the only reason I am alive.
And I will protect him with my life, no matter what, I won’t let you harm even a hair on his body, I promise that to myself. If I need to beg you for that then that is what I will do, if I need to kill you for that then that is what I will do.
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# Day 19
Sometimes I dream that I have become richer than you and I took over your company and I took your everything away from you and threw you on the road alone with your fucking best friend forever Xavier.
And god just thinking of it gives me satisfaction and peace and happiness…..
But then I go back and read that line again, richer than you, uh-ha, not happening anytime soon.
Fuck, I am royally screwed.
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# Day 20
I have lost my mind completely and weird types of thing comes in my mind
According to census the present human population is around 7 billion, I think that’s a useless data, simply counting the number of person who appears like a human being is useless, because some of them are just demons pretending to be humans.
You see, I am officially loosing it. What will happen to Alex if they put me away to a mental asylum.
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#Day 21
I am lost.
I am sad.
I am broken.
I am scarred.
I am ruined.
I am fucking no one.
Congratulations Agustin Deluca.. I am everything you ever wanted me to be.
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# Day 22
I want you to rot in hell. I want to choke you to death. And I think of thousands of ways to kill you. And at the end I realise this is not me. I don’t want to be this, What have you done to me, Agustin? I am loosing my mind.
I never wanted to be what I have become, I don’t know myself anymore.
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# Day 23
What do you want Agustin De Luca? You always wanted me to beg, to break me…. I am fucking broken, I am fucking begging you, let me live…. You have already broken me into pieces now please have mercy and at least leave my pieces along, before no trace of me is left.
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# Day 24
I want you to be nothing more than a distant memory, or maybe not even that, is there any way to induce amnesia?
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# Day 25
Today I just woke up and realized I couldn’t handle it anymore.
I just wish I were never born.
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If you weren’t born there wouldn’t be any meaning of my existence, I mumbled to myself.
As I was about to turn the page, I heard a knock at my door.
“Agustin, are you ready for the party? We are already running late?”cames Onika’s voice.
I was so engrossed in reading her entries, that I completely lost the track of time.
I heard the door knob turn.
Shit! “Onika don’t enter, I am changing clothes” I lied.
“Ohh.. I .. I am sorry, I will wait outside” she answered sounding embarrassed.
I smiled to myself at her naivety, if I were changing clothes, I would have been more than happy to let her walk in.
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