Onika’s POV….
Alex is showing me his new toys for like past one hour but all I can think is about my conversation with Jacob. I have got two very shocking information today.
Firstly Agustin is again going to betray me. I don’t believe this, the audacity of this man! He never was actually letting me go. He just gave me false hope so that he can coax me into taking him back again.
I feel completely traped. I don’t think he even like Alex but he is ready to ask for Alex’s custody just because he can’t let me go. This is completely insane. Is this person for real.
What had happened to you Agustin. Where is that companionate and loving person you once were, the person I once loved. Who didn’t use to scare the hell out of me, didn’t use to beat the life out of me.
What have you become.
His words still keeps reverberating in my mind whenever I am alone.
Slut.
Bitch.
Whore.
Was I not enough to satisfy your needs?
Do you open your legs for every other person?
Tell me for how long have you been doing this behind my back?
No matter how much time I have traversed it still hurts.
If only you could have had in you to trust me our life wouldn’t have been so fucked up. We knew each other for three long years how could you think so low of me. But then the same is true for me, even I wasn’t able to figure out what you were. So I am also at fault as much as you are.
Was everything just an illusion? Seems so.
There is no such thing like love destined for eternity, everything is breakable it just needs the right snap at the right time.
When I thought Agustin will be my solace, my rainbow he just stole away my life to add miseries to it, leaving me completely ruined.
Nothing in this world seems to be predictable. Your parents may leave you when you need them the most, the person you consider your friend may be your biggest enemy, the person you think will love you forever will leave you at the most vulnerable phase, then there is this one person you least expected to take a stand for you, but he does not even bothering about the consequences, who cares when you thought no one ever actually did.
Jacob is the last person I thought who would go against Agustin. And for whom, me?
Jacob is ready to go against Agustin because of me! I have never seen Jacob doing that before. Not only Agustin is his best friend but also he is the last person someone would want to mess with. He is too dangerous of a person to mess with.
I am sure of, Jacob loves me. I don’t know what to make of it or how to feel about it.
Or am I being delusional? I mean he haven’t confessed anything yet but now that when I think of it everything just fits, now it seems so obvious that I don’t believe what took me so long to figure this out.
And what he said today.
‘You be free and live your life as you want, is what I want. Your dreams again be filled of rainbows is worth risking everything for.’
it’s not only about what he said but also the way in which he said that. The determination and adoration in his eyes.
Was that why he became so distant after Agustin proposed me? He was just protection himself from getting hurt and I thought he just didn’t approve me for his best friend. Oh my god I got it all wrong. My goodness he had been in love with me since then? Why didn’t he ever tell me?
That was why he looked like he had cried his eyes off on the day of my wedding and I thought it’s some stupid flu and so only he left the party so early saying that he was not feeling well.
Shall I talk to him about it. But he hasn’t confessed anything yet. What if I am wrong? It would be so awkward.
I don’t know what to do. Anyways what would I tell him. He definitely deserves someone worthy of him and not someone like me, scarred. He will find someone who will be deserving of him, someone much better than me.
And god only knows what will Agustin do if he ever comes to know about this. Oh god I don’t even want to think about the consequence. It will completely destroy their friendship or he may even blame it on me.
What if he says I am the one who is responsible for all this. He will most probably start torturing me again as he did when he thought I had an affair with Xavier. I couldn’t help the fear and dread that rose in my mind just by thinking of it.
I looked at Alex playing happily with his toys, unaware of all the tension in the surrounding air. He is like a life line to me who comes in your life when you had lost all your hopes, like a ray of light.
My life has been revolving ever since around him.
I don’t want Alex to grow up with parents who doesn’t even love each other, like the place I grew up in. Because I know it hurts, it hurts like a bitch, you want everything to be okay between them but no matter what you do it will never be enough.
I don’t what him to think this is what a healthy relationship looks like. I will teach him how to respect a lady.
I can’t let this small innocent boy be the victim of my wrong choices.
I have to talk to Agustin to keep him out of his ugly plans because he might have hurt me and got away with it but he is not getting away with hurting Alex. I will take legal action if I have to.
I was pulled out of my thoughts as the door opend with a sudden bang, I and Alex both jerked at our places and looked at the intruder to find Agustin walking towards us in slow calculative steps.
His dangerous aura right at this moment is sufficient to scare anyone.
I could see the change in his features, hair disoriented, a complete mess and mouth set in a thin line. He was looking at me intently with hooded, red eyes. His knuckles were bloodied giving me an ominous feeling.
I just want to wake up to find that all this is just one of my another countless nightmares, but the look of horror on Alex’s face made me realize that, that is not going to happen this time.
I just looked at him in alarm as he approached us slowly my heart tried to come out of my ribcage with ever step he takes, then my senses kicked in and I instinctively pulled Alex behind myself, protectively.
The next thing I know is he grabbed me by my shoulder and effortlessly pulled me away from Alex, and pinned me to the nearest wall before I can run away he put both his hands on either side of me, caging me from both the sides.
Before he can say anything I said, hastily “not here Agustin, Alex is watching us, we can go to another room and talk like two civilized adult”.
I looked at him pleadingly for him to understand, we can’t do this infront of a three year old. I am afraid that he will say that he doesn’t give a damn but he called loudly for Maria, who came running into the room and looked at us with wide eyes and alertness.
“Take Alex to another room.” He said to Maria, his eyes never leaving mine.
Before Maria can drag the scared Alex out of the room Alex whispered in a small timid voice.”ar.. are yo.. you going to hurt my mumma?”
I was holding my breath for his response. Agustin broke the eyes contact and looked at Alex for several seconds, as if coming out of some trance by his innocent question.
“No…… never again.” He answered with sincerity in his voice.
The last part was barely a whisper I would have missed it if not standing so close to him.
My body sagged in relief against him. I don’t know I believe him or not, but nonetheless I am thankful that he said that to Alex. At least he won’t be here to witness it.
Alex looked at him with uncertainty and asked.” Yo.. you promise?”
“I promise.” Agustin said without delay. Alex gave him a little nod like some grown up man giving his approval and went out with Maria.
He returned his focus back to me. He was standing so close that his ragged breathing was falling directly on my face.
I just stood rooted to my place not able to move a muscle, too afraid to do anything.
His hazel eyes were locked with my blue ones. His eyes were unreadable but bloodshot, which is scaring me to no end.
“Jacob loves you. Did you know that?” He asked in a horse broken voice.
My eyes widened at that. Oh my god he knows! I am dead. I looked at him with a panicked expression.
I was just looking at him wide eyed and with real fear on my face. After a while he broke the deafnening silence.
“I see you did… “He said back almost inaudibly as if talking to himself. “Since when?” Came his next question.
Since when? Since a couple of hours, I guess.
” May be from the very start… maybe I was fooling around with all three of you, being the slut I….” I whispered faintly tears welling in my eyes but before I can finish he cut me off.
“Please… please don’t.” He said in a pleading voice and closed his eyes, trying to even his laboured breathing.
After opening his eyes looking directly into my eyes he said…
“I.. I love you more than him… no one can love you like I do.. please don’t give up on me.” desperation was quite evident in his voice.
“Agustin please don’t bring Jacob in between. Me wanting to leave you has nothing to do with Jacob loving me. Its your own doing, So please keep him out of it and don’t you dare hurt him.”
He smiled but his smile doesn’t reach his eyes.
“Then why do you care so much for Jacob?” His voice trembled as if afraid to hear my answer.
” For how long do I and the people around me have to suffer the consequences of me loving you? I want it to stop. So yes I care.”
“No one needs to get hurt if you just give me a chance Onika.”
“So you are throwing that on me? When all you do is ask for a chance and just play with my emotions. Just answer me Agustin did you or did you not lied to me when you said you will abide by the contract and let me go after three months, were you not planning to use Alex to stop me from leaving and don’t you fucking dare to lie.”
Please Agustin, please just say no and I may think you are not completely hopeless, I prayed silently.
I could see his Adam’s apple rise and fall as he swallows hard from the foreboding situation.
There is a moment of silence as if struggling for the answer but of course there was only one answer available.
He nodded his head ever so slowly.
I felt a sudden surge of rage taking over me.
I can feel the anger rise in me like some volcanic eruption.
My blood was roaring in my ears.
And the next thing I know is, I slapped him hard across his cheek, so hard that my palm is stinging with the impact. May be it was a stupid thing to do, may be I will pay dearly for it but I don’t fucking care. Enough is enough.
“You are unbelievable, after everything you did to me you still have the audacity to trap me like this.” I said harshly.
His eyes showed guilt but I know better than to fall for it.
He lifted his hand and I winced, I thought he is going to hit me back but Then the most expected thing happened, a lone tear slipped from the corner of his eye.
He held my hand from the back and struck it on his face, my palm making contact with his already heated cheek.
He made me slap his cheek again and again till his face was bright red and my palms were burning from the after effect. I tried to free my hand but his grip was very firm he was just not letting it go.
“Agustin what are you doing have you gone mad? Leave my hand you are scaring me.” I couldn’t help the sob that escaped my lips.
“Hit me, hit me all you want but please don’t leave me… I… I .. am sorry.. I was not having any other option.. I can’t live without you…
Please, please understand I love you, I love you so damn much I can’t live without you, please.” He looked at me pleadingly.
“I love you, so much…” He whispered again in a defeated voice.
I looked at his broken state. I felt an actual pain in my chest as if something has snapped. What’s happening to him? My hands are shaking badly from fear, pain, weakness I don’t really know why.
“The question is not whether you love me or not, let us just not go there, what I am asking is will you let me go if I don’t want to be with you, Thousands of time you have said that you will change for me then why don’t you prove it Agustin, say yes and prove that you love me and let me and Alex go, can you do that?”
He looked at me for what seems like infinity, I could see the conflict in his eyes. My heart was beating fast in anticipation, may be there is still some hope but before I can reside on that particular thought he looked at me with a pained expression and said..
“No” in a helpless voice, his eyes pleading for me to understand.
And just that one word broke me again into a thousand pieces.
“Okay, then you only tell me what options do I have? I can’t live like this forcedly with you. After everything you have done to me you are still ready to force me then in my opinion you can’t change. Loving is not everything, Agustin, at least not when the love becomes a rope around your neck, tightening with each breath you take, suffocating you.”
He looked at me with a hurtful expression as if I have ripped his heart mercilessly.
Tears are shinning in both, Agustin’s and my eyes, threatening to spill but he controlled his but I couldn’t.
He wiped my tears gently and said “your options are, You can live here willingly with me, we can start fresh and we can be happy together, I won’t give you any chance to complain or else…. you won’t like your second option so let us not go there and stick to the first otherwise things will get tough for both of us.” He said looking miserable, as if he is the one who is helpless in all this and not me.
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