Claire’s? POV:
I was so damn sleepy. When I woke up, I was in a car. And Jake was there. He was staring at me. Over the few days we had known each other I have unusually grown closer to him too fast. I didn’t think that it would do any harm though. It was not like he liked me or something, right?
“Where are we?”
He chuckled quietly. “We are at your house, of course.”
“Oh,” I sat up straight. “What time is it?”
“Past one in the morning,” He answered, glancing at his watch. I nodded.
“Brooke… is she home safely?” I asked, suddenly remembering her.
“Yes. Brian dropped her off at her house. I called him,” he said and I nodded again.
“Um… you should go home too. You must be tired.”
“Yeah. I’ll be leaving now,” He nodded.
I opened the car door and stumbled out of the car. Why was I so clumsy around hot guys like Jake?
Jake got out of the car too, my bag in his hand.
“Thanks,” I said, taking the bag from him.
I tugged at my bag which he was still holding. I looked up at him to see him staring at me.
“Um… Jake?”
He didn’t respond. Slowly, very slowly, as if telling me by his movements, he leaned in and in a second our lips met. He pressed his lips to me softly. I could literally hear my heart pounding in my chest. I bet he could too.
I was too shocked to react. As his hands travelled to my waist, the bag in our hands dropped to the ground. He held me tightly against him but I didn’t protest.
My own hands reached up to his neck and tangled his hair, pulling him closer to me.
Instantly, memories of Jesse burst in my mind. He used to kiss me like that. But there was something different about this kiss. A difference I couldn’t point out.
I felt his tongue licking my lower lip, asking for permission. I was enjoying it more than I should.
I granted and his tongue slipped in my mouth. He tilted my head, deepening the kiss.
This felt so wrong, yet so right at the same time. I couldn’t handle it. First Jesse, now Jake. I still hadn’t moved on from Jesse, I knew I still loved him.
I loved him? I didn’t know. I keep saying that but I really didn’t know if I genuinely had feelings for him. God, this was so confusing.
I shouldn’t have agreed to that stupid revenge plan of Brooke’s. I shouldn’t have helped her. I shouldn’t have met Jesse at all in my life. I shouldn’t have met Jake. I shouldn’t have done anything.
I suddenly remembered that I was in the middle of a kiss with a hot guy. I was kissing him.
Holy crap. What was I doing? I couldn’t do this to Jake. I thought he didn’t have any feelings for me. And this was not good. He didn’t deserve a slut like me. He was too good for me.
Stupid Claire.? Why do you ruin others lives with your own? Pull back now!
And so I did. I pulled away from the heavenly kiss. A look of disappointment, pain and sadness was evident on his face. I instantly felt guilty.
“I-I’m sorry, Claire.”
God, he was looking so cute when he stuttered. It made me want to kiss him again.
“It’s okay, Jake. I should go now,” I said and bent down to pick my bag up.
“Okay… bye. Good night.”
I nodded, “Good night.”
He turned around to leave. I literally ran towards my door, unlocked it and without a second glance at him, shut the door behind me.
A few seconds later, I heard the engine of Jake’s car start up and drive away.
I had my back pressed to the door. I slid down the door and sat on the floor.
I felt really bad. I really liked Jake. He was a great guy. And Brooke had told me that he liked me. And deep down, I knew it was true. But Jake was too good for me. I was such a bitch. I should not have slept with Jesse.
Jesse just used me for sex. That’s what his life revolves around. I was just a tissue paper for him. Used and then thrown away. If Jake knew this, he will regret kissing me. He would be disgusted by me. He would think that I was just a slut who would hook up with any random guy.
Tears rolled down my cheeks. I didn’t want Jake to think about me like that. I wasn’t like that.? But? Jesse? made? me? feel? exactly? like? that.
“Claire, you’re home? What are you doing on the floor?” My mom’s voice reached my ears and I quickly got up and wiped my tears as my mom neared me.
“Just tired,” I said and walked past her in the direction of my room, praying she hadn’t noticed me crying.
“Okay. Sleep well. You look very tired,” She said from behind me.
“Yeah,” I said and shut the door of my room. I took a bath and brushed my teeth and changed into comfortable clothes before going off to sleep.
The kiss was the last thing playing on my mind before my eyes shut.
~
In the morning, or should I say afternoon, when I woke up, my mom and dad had already left for my aunt’s house. They had been planning to visit her today. I was all alone in the house. And that was what I mostly preferred. Being alone.
That was a plus side of having no siblings. I pitied Brooke. She could never get to taste this kind of freedom. And sometimes siblings were a big pain in the ass.
I was in the kitchen, preparing eggs for breakfast. That’s when I heard a knock on the door. I glanced up at the clock and it was two o’clock in the afternoon.
Suddenly, my heart started to race at the possibility of Jake behind the door. I quickly laid my eggs on a plate and proceeded towards the door.
Without looking through the peephole, I opened the door slightly. I stared at the person in front of me. And then my stare turned into a glare.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I yelled at him, resisting the urge to slap him across his goddamned face.
“Claire,” He started, his voice dangerously soft and low. I cut him off before any more words came out of his mouth which I once kissed so passionately.
“Just stay away from me!” I shouted and attempted to close the door on his face. He stuck his foot in the way so I couldn’t close it.
“Get lost.” I said as I tried to get the door locked. He started pushing the door, opening it further.
“Claire, please listen to me. I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have done what I did.”
“It’s too late, Jesse. You have Grace as your bed buddy now.” My vision started to get blurry, tears started rolling down my cheeks and I knew I was putting on a weak front.
Claire. Be strong. Don’t let this douche win. Strong. Be strong.
While I was busy pep talking to myself, he managed to open the door and before I knew, he had already got inside and shut the door.
Crap. Now what?
“What do you want from me?!” I shouted in exasperation.
“Listen to me. Calm down, baby. I love you so much,” He said in a soothing tone.
“Don’t give me that crap. You don’t love me! You have Grace now.”
He started taking slow steps towards me and I backed away immediately.
“Stay away from me!” But he didn’t stop, but at least his pace slowed down a bit. “Stop!”
“Claire, I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. I don’t love Grace. Only you. Trust me,” He pleaded.
“No Jesse. Don’t you dare lie to me! I know she is your girlfriend.”
“Was. She isn’t anymore. Do you know why I left her? Because I realised that I missed you. I loved you. Didn’t you miss me?”
“Miss you? Are you kidding me? Do you seriously think that I’ll miss a jerk like you. You, who used me? The one I slept with, only to be thrown away the next day. I missed you? How stupid could you be,” I laughed without humour.
“I know you missed me. Admit it. And I know you still love me. Don’t deny your happiness, Claire. Your happiness lies in me. I am all yours. Then why make both of us miserable?”
“Listen to me. I don’t love you. Get that in your non existent tiny brain! And now that I have cleared your doubts on this subject,”I spoke calmly and walked towards the door and opened it, “out.” I said in a sarcastically polite tone. I showed him a fake smile and gestured towards the door once more.
“Claire, please. Give me a second chance. Please. I know you still love me,” He said, not moving from his position.
By this time, I couldn’t control anymore. I burst into tears. He held my hand.
“Why did you leave me, Jesse?” I asked in between sobs. “I loved you so much. You were literally my everything. And now you have turned me into nothing but your broken ex. How could you do this to me?” I wiped the tears trickling down my cheeks. Damn, why the hell was I crying? He didn’t deserve the satisfaction of seeing me cry because of him.
“Claire, please don’t cry. I love you. I never left. I love you so much, baby. Shh, don’t cry,” His fingers brushed away the remaining tears from my cheeks.
“Why are you here? What do you want from me?” I asked, more tears falling from my eyes. “You have no idea how much I cried, how much it pained me when you left me.”
“I’m sorry for everything. Please forgive me,” He said and hugged me. My hands reached up to his back and I was hugging him back despite my heart screaming a deafening ‘no’ to me.
“Don’t leave me,” I said and clutched him tighter.
“Never,” He pulled back and cupped my cheeks. I looked at him and he was leaning in. In an instant, our lips met. His hands tightened it’s grasp on my waist and my hands reached to his neck. His tongue slid inside my mouth and I was immediately reminded about Jake.
He had kissed me last night. And his kiss had seemed different from Jesse’s kisses. This kiss was different from Jake’s. There was a certain roughness to it. When Jake kissed me, he had done it delicate manner and with my permission. He was so sweet.
And Jesse?
I didn’t know what I was doing anymore. Crap. I was such an idiot. Couldn’t I be with only one man . First Jesse, then Jake and now Jesse again. If I loved Jesse then at least I shouldn’t give any false hope to Jake. I was so cruelly playing with Jake’s heart. I was encouraging Jake. I couldn’t do that. I shouldn’t. He deserved way better.
I pulled back immediately. Jesse looked shocked.
“Am I forgiven by my baby?” He asked in a honey sweet voice.
I gave him a small stiff nod.
“Oh. Thank God. I’m so sorry Claire. I love you so much,” He said engulfing me in his arms.
“Jesse, I think you should leave,” I said, retracting from the hug and pushing him back slightly.
“What? No please. Let’s have some fun,” He pouted, advancing at me again.
I extended my hand towards him and signalled him to stop. “No. Stop. Jesse, there’s a lot going on in my life right now. I need to sort it out, okay? I’ll call you later. But now please just go.”
He frowned at me but nodded. “Okay, bye. But call me,” He said and after giving me one last kiss on the lips, which I quickly ended, he was gone.
What should I do now? Jake, Jake, Jake.
My stomach growled. Maybe I should have my lunch now.
~
It was past ten now. I was in my room. My parents still hadn’t come. I was scrolling through Facebook when the doorbell rang.
It were probably my parents. I opened it without looking through the peephole. There he was, Jesse.
“Jesse?! What are you doing here?” I asked. “My parents will be here anytime. Go home.”
“No can do, sweetheart,” He said and stepped inside. I closed the door behind him.
“You should go. What if my parents come now?” I said as I made my way towards my room. Jesse followed me.
“You worry too much.”
“No, I’m just being cautious,” I said as I entered my room. Jesse shut the door behind him.
My parents didn’t really approve of Jesse even though I’d told countless times that he was a good guy.
He took my hand in his and pulled me towards him. His hands wrapped around my waist and my hands were on his shoulders and around his neck.
“I’m so sorry Claire. I really am.”
“It’s… okay.” I said abruptly.
He leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. Our lips moved together and his hands slid down to my thighs. Taking it as a cue, I wrapped my legs around his waist and he walked us to the bed. He laid me down on the bed, our lips still connected.
I pulled away for breath and he laid down beside me. “I missed you,” I said as I turned to face him.
“I missed you too,” He said and slid his arm around my waist again and pulled me closer to him. His hands tugged at the hem of my shirt and I felt him pull it up a bit. His other hand was on my chest and he tried to undo the buttons on it.
I immediately realised it was going too far and too fast. I immediately pulled away from him. I didn’t miss the disappointed look on his face.
“What happened, baby?” He asked.
“This is going too far. I’m not ready for this okay? I love you. It’s just that I don’t want to take it so fast. We’ll take it slow. One step at a time,” I looked at him.
“Okay,” He said, looking away. I knew he was not pleased with this. He got off the bed.
“I think I should just leave,” He said and went up to the door but I caught him by his arm. He looked down at me.
“I’m sorry. But I really am not ready for this. Give me some time.”
He smiled and kissed my forehead. “It’s alright.”
I smiled back at him and pressed my lips to his one last time.
He eagerly kissed me back. I pulled away after some time and he left my house.
As I shut the door behind me, my hopes rose. Maybe. Just maybe my life would be perfect from now on. With Jesse.
Maybe everything will be back to how it was. Full of love.
I just hope it doesn’t end up badly for me again.