Dhruv grabs my arms roughly. “Look me in the eye and tell me you didn’t spend that night with Nayan”, he hisses.
Both of us don’t acknowledge my bike that falls onto the ground with a thud.
“I did”, I mumble.
Dhruv lets my hands go, making me stumble.
“But”, I panic, holding his arm, “It’s not the way you think.”
My heart breaks at the decieved look he gives me, “What did I do wrong Sandy?”, his voice breaks, “We were so happy.”
Panic consumes me as I turn him to me, “You have to believe me Dhruv”, I shake his shoulders, “I… I agree I and Nayan shared a room that day, but nothing happened. I swear.”
“You’re telling me you slept on the same bed as him and telling me nothing happened?”, he hisses.
“What? No. Listen to me. Please”, Tears run down my face, “There were no rooms available then. And I couldn’t exchange with anyone. We had gotten a single room. I… I insisted to sleep on the floor, and Nayan on the bed. But he didn’t agree. So I took the bed”, I wipe my tears, “And… and he was on the bed in the morning when I woke up. I asked him why too. And he said it was uncomfortable sleeping on the floor.”
“Lies lies and more lies”, Dhruv shouts at me, “We’re over Sandy”, he glares at me, “So you can tell me the real reason. There’s no need for you to make up bullshit stories.”
“I’m not lying. I swear”, I cry, ” Believe me.”
“Fine. Imagine I believe you. Then why the fuck did you not deny when our friends entered your room in the morning and made suggestive comments.”
“I… I did Dhruv”, I say softly, “I was just so tired the previous day that I didn’t realise things could be misinterpreted in that manner. Please”, I whisper softly, aware of the almost negligible distance between us, “I did not cheat on you. I loved you so much. Why would I do that to us?”
“Then why did you lie to me that night? That you were sleeping with one of your girl friends?”
I press my lips thin, “I… I thought you would be angry and misunderstand the situation. So I thought of telling you after I returned.”
“Shut up Sandy”, Dhruv yells, making me flinch.
I just take in his angry face, studying all the minor details that I’d forgotten. Even though I’m crying , even though he’s yelling at me, I couldn’t deny the warmth he provided by just being there.
“I don’t mind if you don’t believe me”, I say softly, biting my lip to prevent further tears from leaking, memorising his face.
It really is the end for us now.
I step back, missing his warmth instantaneously.
My heart breaks a little more when I see Dhruv’s hard stare, “Why didn’t you come to tell me this then?”
“You wouldn’t listen to me”, I shout, “I tried so hard.”
“Obviously not”, he shouts, making me jump, “You didn’t even bother to clear the misunderstanding after the first three to four times. Granted, I was angry. Granted, I shouted at you, yelled at you. But it was only because I loved you. You could have come to me after I had calmed down. Your ego was more important to you than our relationship. You we-”
“I was hurt by all the accusations you had thrown at me”, I interrupt him, “I’m only human. Do you have any idea how I felt when you asked me if I slept with Nayan?”, I shout.
“So what should I do if random people around me gossip about how easy you were and went to another man’s bed when yours wasn’t around. And I was forced to believe that it is the truth when you didn’t bother to clear it to me after sometime.”
“Yes. I didn’t. Because my self respect was hurt. You didn’t seem like you would trust me any way. Why the heck should I bother with it when you had already come to your own conclusions?”
“This is what I’m taking about. You know I would have forgiven you, heck even apologized to you if you had told me then what you told me now. If what you’re saying now is the truth”, Dhruv pulls me by my shoulders, “Have you ever tried standing in my shoes? How I would have felt? People talking mad shit about the girl I loved. The girl I was going to propose to? Not once. I hurt your ego by refusing to listen to you, and what did you do? You thought to heck with it”, Dhruv hisses, “Wasn’t I even worth fighting for, Sandy, if you weren’t wrong?”, he ends softly.
I try to swallow the lump in my throat.
The rational part of me knows what he’s asking is perfectly right.
“I was very hurt”, I mumble. I really didn’t have any other explanation.
“You didn’t love me like I loved you, surely.”
I glare at him, “Don’t you dare say that. ”
“Tell me then. How many times did I not come behind you, apologizing to you, convincing you, when you used to get mad at the most random crap? And you, decided it wasn’t worth talking to me about such an important topic after what, three times? Four times?”
“I thought you wouldn’t believe me”, I mumble, “I didn’t want to face that situation, where I would tell you the truth , but you wouldn’t believe me.”
“So you thought breaking us was the next best thing to do?”
My lips quiver, tears slapping my cheeks rapidly.
“I’m Sorry “, I find myself apologizing, “I… I should have probably tried harder.”
Dhruv glares at me venomously, “Sorry?”
“What else do you want me to say? I at least have the decency to apologise. What about you? Do you have any idea about how much yours words hurt me? I glare at him venomously.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Nikhil doesn’t deserve someone like me? He can do far better?”Bringing two lover boys of mine at the same time? I charmed Nikhil, like years ago? What the fuck , even”, I glare at him, “And what else did you say? You have a girlfriend, And unlike me she’s loyal “, I’m on a roll, “And yeah, what was that? Who in their right mind would agree to marry this? Wow. I’m reduced to this now? Fine. All of this, okay. But what was it you said at last? Don’t come running to me when she decides to cheat on you.”I throw his words back at him, glaring at him avidly. “You asshole “, I grab his collar, “You didn’t even hear my side of the story and you have the audacity to verbally abuse me this way?”
“Okay I was an asshole. I agree. But you could have abused me too. You could have asked me to shut the fuck up. You are not someone who shuts up when they’re not wrong”, he grabs my wrist, pulling me to his eye level, “So why did you just bear my anger silently? Because you were guilty. Fucking accept it!”
“I was not, and I am not guilty”, my voice booms. “Heck, I did not even expect you to be so hostile when we met at Headquarters after two whole years. Maybe it’s easy for you to forget every moment we shared and be a dick to me, but I cannot.”
“I was a dick because I couldn’t forget every moment we shared”, he glowers at me, his hands tightening around my arms.
I let out a humorless laugh, “So you decide to insult me every opportunity you got?”, I hiss.
“I didn’t want to meet you at Headquarters to insult you. I wanted to have a once and forall talk with you, listen to your defence, because I couldn’t even look at another girl in the last two years. And what news am I welcomed with?”, Dhruv snaps, our faces inches apart, “That you’re getting married. To Nikhil. It just broke all my rationale and I said whatever came to my head.”
“That’s not an excuse. I refuse to be a punching bag. You wanted to meet me for something and we spoke about something else. The problem with you is you jump to conclusions so easily. Did you ask me, even once,’What’s going on Sandy? I heard you and Nikhil are getting married. Is it true?’ But no , you straight away accused me, and asked me not to spoil his life?”
Dhruv sighs, running a hand through his hair, “It’s you and Nikhil, Sandy.”
“So what?”
“Won’t you jump to conclusions, if in a hypothetical scenario I and Anshu are going to get married? Are you going to think only with your head or will your heart come into play then?”
“If thinking with your heart means directly accusing and insulting the one that you apparently loved, then I suppose you should rethink the idea of Love.”
“I lost Nikhil and you in a span of a week Sandy. Cut me some slack. How else will any sane person react?”
I stay mum, refusing to say anything.
“How would you feel if when I was your boyfriend, and when you break up with me, you lose Anshu too, because of me. Would you have an ounce of sympathy if your best friend abandons you just after your heart breaks?”
“Don’t try to blame me for this. You only have yourself to blame, for losing me and Nikhil.”
“Maybe”, he snaps, “But I’m ordinary too. It’s natural for me to link scenarios and come to conclusions. I was so mad at you. And you, not clarifying anything justified the rumors. Silence means acceptance. I’m sure you’ve heard of that. I hated you for sleeping with Nayan. And I had to lose my best friend because of you. Why? He thinks I’m a douche for even doubting my girlfriend.”
I run a hand through my hair, exhausted.
“That really says something. Even Nikhil believed me then, but you didn’t.”
“You wouldn’t even tell me anything after the few times we fought. How hard was it to just come and scream the truth on my face? It’s not like you never screamed at me. Maybe I was wrong for judging your character that way, but won’t anyone need some kind of reassurance? You were just so busy being heartbroken that you didn’t realize I was going through the same pain too!”
I shut my eyes, squeezing my forehead.
I am getting a headache.
“You… believe me, right?”, I ask softly, squeezing his hand for some reason.
Dhruv gives me a hard stare.
I shrink under his gaze, my eyes peering down, “Actually, don’t answer that.”
I move away from him, my heart hurting, as I silently lift my bike.
I’m so done with this conversation.
Dhruv simply takes the handle from me, as we walk in silence.
The thought that he doesn’t trust me hurts me more than anything he has said to me until now. My heart tugs painfully, trying hard to blink back tears.
We walk side by side in silence, lost in our thoughts.
I can’t do this Sandy.
Why the hell did you not tell me about this previously? Why the fuck are you messing with my head?
We’re over.
By the time we are in the hostel premises, I felt the most miserable I had ever felt.
Dhruv parks my bike in the allocated space, looking around.
I clear my throat, tucking my hair behind my ear, “Thanks”, I mumble.
Dhruv nods.
I turn around, stepping away from him, biting my lip hard so I can prevent the sob in my throat and the tear in my eye from making appearance.
“Sandy?”
My heart jolts, surprised when I find Dhruv right in front of me.
“Are you…”, He clears his throat, “Are you really telling the truth?”
I didn’t have to be a scientist to know he was referring to the Nayan fiasco.
Tears wet my cheek as I nod, “I am”, I let my quivering lips answer.
I watch as Dhruv clenches his jaw, wrapping an arm around my shoulder as he pulls me in for a bear hug.
And I shed tears worth two and a half years in his arms.