There’s a pause in my steps when I hear a suspiciously familiar voice, surprised.
“Have a good day! Bye”, Waves Ananya at her brother, who only smiles, nodding his head, as he stands there watching her zoom past the gate in her car, out of sight.
I didn’t know why I did what I did next, but my steps became hurried, hoping Nikhil didn’t see me.
I sigh when I was almost in safe zone, cursing myself when I look into the glass beside the entrance to see Nikhil looking up in surprise at the exact same time.
Our eyes meet in the mirror. I groan, turning around, “Hey”, I give him a small smile, my lips thin.
“Hi”, he smiles, “I joined as an SR”, Nihkil fills me up.
I give him an awkward smile.
What the heck should I say.
Yeah. I know. Anshu and I gossipped about you.
Or act surprised.
I bypass both the statements.”First day?”, I ask.
“Yeah. It is”, he says, hanging his apron on his forearm.
Why do guys look so attractive when something hangs off their forearm?
“Have a nice day”, I grimace at the wish, “Um. I’ll see you around.”
“Sure”, he smiles, walking in the opposite direction.
Phewing in relief, I enter the hospital.
There’s something odd about conversing with someone that you know likes you, especially when it’s not reciprocated.
But as I take the stairs, I couldn’t help let my thoughts wander to Nikhil.
Even though Anshu claims that Nikhil likes me, his feelings don’t exactly reflect in his behaviour. Heck, he doesn’t even acknowledge he as his once-upon-a-time-good-friend, making it odd for me believe that he likes me.
It’s just me that makes things awkward, avoiding him.
I run a hand across my pendant as a thought crosses my mind.
Even though Dhruv affects me, I have enough hold on myself to know that I don’t like him like that, even though people around me perceive it in that manner. I even had to explain Anshu of what was going on in my mind. So if my views on Dhruv could change with time, wasn’t it foolish of me to think that Nikhil is still stuck on me.
Granted that Anshu thinks Nikhil likes me because of what he said to Avyukth. But what if they were reading too much in between the lines?
What if Nikhil is affected by me too, but doesn’t like me? And he said something similar to Avyukth which he might have misinterpreted?
As I near the ward, I come to the most logical conclusion.
Why else would any guy refuse to marry the girl he likes?
“Ma’am?”, I hear nurse Savitha walk towards me, “These are the lab reports of the patient in bed no. 12.” She hands me a file
I shake my head off all thoughts, concentrating on my patients.
****
I was never so grateful that doctors had odd lunch hours/break hours.
I have a particular break time. But that’s not the point.
It’s just easy to bluff though.
Especially when my friends were trying-but-failing-miserably to play cupid.
I had to sit through an awkward lunch with Anshu, Avyukth and Nikhil.
I am usually a non-stop FM with my friends.
But with Nikhil in the picture, there was no network between my mouth and brain.
The hour long lunch was painfully long, and awkward, that even Anshu finally would give me the how-long-do-we-just-randomly-sit-and-smile-at-each-other look.
Suffice to say, I didn’t share a lunch break with them after those three days.
Even though Anshu said she would postpone
repone her lunch time, I refused. Avyukth is friends with Nikhil. And I don’t want it to seem like Anshu and I don’t want him to have friends.
It’s a completely different matter that Anshu eats lunch twice these days though.
I go through the mind numbing process of checking the patients’ files, one after the other as my mind wanders away.
It’s only when the words dance in front of my eyes, my leg numbing and eyes drooping that I decide to get up.
I glance at my watch. One twenty.
I yawn, lazily making way to my favourite spot in the hospital.
Man, night duties suck when it’s free.
The only think that’s making me slightly cheerful right now was the prospect of drinking coffee.
The third one for today.
I sleepily walk though the corridor, nearing the coffee machine.
I jump, placing a hand on my heart, startled when I saw a familiar face.
“Hey”, I greet, bewilderment clear in my tone.
Nikhil seems surprised too, “Hey… Hi”, he greets walking towards me, the coffee machine, actually.
“Night duty?”, I ask, internally kicking myself for such a question.
Why else would anyone be in the hospital instead of sleeping like a log?
“Yeah”, he smiles, nodding his head.
I keep quiet, not knowing what to say.
The glucose in my brain was slowly depleting.
“Have a seat”, Nikhil points to the seat next to the coffee machine, “I’ll get us coffee.”
“Um. No. It’s okay”, I deny politely.
“It’s okay Sandy”, Nikhil points towards the table with three chairs, “You look tired.”
I clear my throat, tucking hair behind my ear, as I take a seat.
I look around, gazing at the empty corridor, bored.
Maybe I should take a quick nap.
I shake me head, pushing the thought immediately away.
My naps could last for eight solid hours, especially in the night.
I look towards Nikhil, checking if he was done, sleepiness vanishing from my system in an instant.
He added exactly two sugar cubes in my coffee.
Nikhil stiffens too, as he mixes my coffee, as though he could feel my gaze.
He turns to me, giving me a nervous smile, “How much sugar do you take Sandy?”
I raise an eyebrow, my tone dry, “You seem to know exactly how much.”
Shut up Sandy.
Nikhil averts his eyes, “Of course not”, he says smoothly, “Majority of the population takes two cubes. It was just a guess.”
I keep quiet as he hands me my coffee.
We sip on our coffees in silence.
I sigh in content, the warmth of the coffee pumping adrenaline in my veins, momentarily forgetting I have company.
I sneak a glance at Nikhil few moments later, to see him gazing outside the window.
He seems to be in his own world too.
Ask him.
I glare at the table in front of me. There’s something about after mid night conversations that make everything too personal, too vulnerable.
Ask him.
Shut up Sandy. Drink your coffee. And get out of here before you make a fool of yourself.
I snap out of my thoughts when I hear Nikhil call me.
“Are you okay?”, he looks at me weirdly.
“Yeah. Of course”, I try to smile.
“You were zoned out”, he shrugs.
“Uh… Yeah.”
Ask him.
I am pulled out of my internal conflict when Nikhil opens his mouth.
“Look Sandy. I think you are uncomfortable around me”, Nikhil says, making me stiffen, “If you have genuine reasons for it, we should just minimize crossing paths. But if you are uncomfortable because of… different reasons, I can only say that what you’re thinking is not true.”
“So”, I hesitate, finally asking, “You don’t like me anymore?”, I ask softly.
Nikhil stares at my face the next few seconds, “No. I don’t. We were good friends before all… this. So I just thought we could be friends again. But if you are determined to make it awkward between us, there’s little we can do about it.”
I frown, mentally kicking Anshu twenty times.
Oh, she was going to die a slow, painful death today.
“Oh”, I say, “I just”, I stop.
What the heck should I say when a guy openly tells me he doesn’t like me.
Thank you so much for clearing this doubt. You have no idea how relieved I am. We could just be good friends.
“Sandy”, Nikhil pauses, “I’m not going to deny. Yes. I remember quite a few things about you”, he clears his throat. Like I take two sugar cubes in my coffee?, “But I’m sure you remember a few things about Dhruv too, even though you claimed to not like him anymore”, he refers to our meeting in the restaurant.
“It’s just that it’s… difficult to forget a few things”, Nikhil looks into the distance, “I’m sure you remember how Dhruv takes his coffee, or what his favourite colour is or food is, etcetera.”
Black coffee.
Red.
Chicken Risotto.
That’s enough. Sandy. Shut it.
“Right”, I nod my head, a tiny part of me annoyed for some reason.
Nikhil sighs, resigned.
Hmm. Maybe my response is not too friendly for someone that wants to be one.
“Nikhil?”, I call him when he gets up, ready to leave, “I didn’t mean to be so awkward”, I give him a I-couldn’t-help-it shrug, “But yeah you’re right”, I frown, silently wishing I can kick Dhruv out of my head, “We could be friends, I guess? Like before?”
He chuckles, “You’ve changed so much Sandy.”
“Hey!”, I exclaim.
Nikhil grins, “See you around.”