Pick up, pick up, I mutter, my head swimming with possibilities as I dial Anshu’s number.
I am going to have a panic attack.
Shit.
Deep breaths Sandy.
“What the hell are you doing, not picking the call!”, I snap at my best friend.
“I’m in the labour room. Wassup?”
“Wassup? Wassup? You stupid female.”
“Sandy? You okay?”
“No”, I screech.
“Okay listen. Someone’s calling for me. I think I need to go.”
“I don’t care if you’re in the middle of an apocalypse.”
I hear a deep sigh, “Just a second Deepthi”, I hear her snap, “What happened?”
“Dhruv texted”, I cry out, “He is asking if we can meet tomorrow.”
“What?”
“Exactly. What the hell!”
“Okay calm down. I don’t think I can come to your room right now. Come to the hospital.”
“Cool.”
My hands tremble as I lock the door behind me, halting in steps when I pass the hostel gate.
I’m overreacting.
So what if the asshole texted. I could always ask him to fuck off and not meet him.
Sandy, you shouldn’t be nervous. And he definitely doesn’t deserve this much of your energy, I give myself a pep talk.
I make a quick call to Anshu, saying I’ll be fine, though it took some time convincing.
That’s it. What’s the big deal if he texted. The decision to meet or not depends on me.
I find myself reading the text repeatedly as I lay down in bed, wondering if it just isn’t a figment of my imagination, my eyes drooping and sleep lulling me at an odd hour of the night.
****
The day passes agonizingly slow, as I keep looking at the time frequently.
It’s gonna be evening in some time.
So what?
I close my eyes, taking deep breaths.
I feel so conflicted right now that it wasn’t even funny.
I don’t want to see the asshole’s face ever, but I’m also curious about what he wants to talk about.
You feel me?
I groan, placing my head in my hands, defeated.
“Okay. Cheer up. That’s enough sulking.”
“Go away Avyukth.”
“Seriously though. You look like you’re going to puke.”
“Thanks Anshu. You always know how to make me feel better”, I roll my eyes.
“Why are you so stressed? Didn’t you decide you aren’t going to meet him?”, Avyukth smirks.
I glare at the idiot, “I’m so going to poison your food if you continue speaking.”
“Let her be”, Anshu tells her boyfriend, “Look. Don’t beat around the bush. Do you want to meet him?”, I open my mouth and close it when Anshu gives me a sharp look, “Don’t talk in riddles. It’s a Yes or No question.”
“I don’t know”, I mumble.
“Great. So let’s forget about it. Let’s go out for dinner then.”
“When did I say No?”
“Okay. Get ready. We’ll leave in sometime then. Ask Dhruv where he wants to meet you. But I’ll tag along. Obviously.”
“When did I say that I want to meet him?”
“Shut up Sandy. You’re giving me a headache. You obviously want to meet him, but you’re just looking for an excuse. Talk to that asshole, and throw him out of your life, once and for all.”
“Don’t you hate him too much”, I hear Avyukth mutter, earning a glare from his girlfriend.
“Well, excuse me if he was a bitch to my best friend.”
“Calm down”, Avyukth snaps confusing the both of us.
He clears his throat, looking at me softly, “Maybe he’ll tell you his side of the story.”
I blink back bitter tears, “There’s really nothing else to say.”
“Sandy”, Anshu wraps an arm around me, “I genuinely think it’s not a good idea to meet him.”
“Shut up Anshu. Let her make her own decision.”
I look at Avyukth, bewildered, “Do you know something that we don’t?”
“Stop being dramatic. You’re confused, and you deep down know that you want to know why he wants to meet you. Don’t be a coward. It’s out of character for you.”
“You’re right. Let’s get this over with.”
I hesitate as I text Dhruv, asking him where he wants to meet.
I let out a deep sigh, tired when he texts back. Anshu squints, reading the text out loud.
Hey. Thanks for agreeing. Let’s meet at Headquarters at 7?
“Headquarters? Isn’t it the same restaurant you went on your first date to?”
“Is he expecting me to go alone to meet him?”
“I don’t care what the asshole wants. I’m coming with you. You’re are not meeting him alone, and definitely not at this time”, Anshu exclaims.
Avyukth had other commitments, and it felt weird to ask him to accompany, even though we were good friends. I had half a mind to not bring Anshu along, but.
I roll my eyes, pocketing my mobile as we disperse, ready to meet in the evening.
**
“Stop it. You’re making me nervous too”, Anshu snaps, as I repeatedly breathe in and out, looking for Dhruv in the restaurant.
My steps falter when I catch sight of him when he waves his hand to motion us over. He was wearing a blue checked shirt, pants hidden beneath the table as he kept flipping his phone, his hair messy, and a hint of stubble on his jaw.
“I can’t do this Sandy.”
“I really like you… But we cannot be together.”
“Why the hell did you not tell me about this previously? Why the fuck are you messing with my head?”
“We’re over.”
The last few conversations before we broke up played in my mind repeatedly, numbing my senses.
I looked down, as if I was adjusting my sandals when Anshu nudged me slightly, as I looked at the carpet, blinking back irritating tears, as I walked towards him.
Don’t show him that he still affects you.
I put on my resting bitch face, approaching him, my heart thudding loudly when he passed a smile.
“Hi Sandy”, he stands up when we’re merely two feet away.
I think he greeted Anshu too, but mind was not exactly working quite well.
My eyes took in his appearance, just like his took in mine, leaving his greeting in the air, lost in each other for one tiny moment, savoring the others’ presence.
The fact that it felt nice to see him and that I actually missed him makes me want to get out of my skin, slap myself.
I close my eyes, replacing vulnerability and need with blankness and unapproachability.
“Hi”, I wish.