I carefully sat on a chair near her and watched her sleep in slumber. My eyes went to her baby bump. If I’m not mistaken, it’s her due month.
I can’t help but to smile bitterly. I slowly raised my hand and caressed her stomach.
If my child didn’t die, it’s probably my due month, too. Again, the splinter of pain in my heart intensified. I could still feel here inside, digging and buried deep right into my heart. Endless, as if the pain will never stop.
“Emory…”
I quickly turned to Alessandra’s voice. I also quickly removed my hand from her stomach.
“H-Hi, how are you?” I said as I cleared my throat.
She smiled timidly, “You’re here…” she said in her weakened voice.
I didn’t answer. I also want to ask myself why I decided to come with Marcus. But when I looked into her eyes and watched how she suffered from all of this, I also wanted to question all I went through and ask if what she experienced was actually more painful than mine.
“I’m glad you came, I thought Marcus wouldn’t find you… ” she muttered in a hoarse voice.
A timid smile appeared on my lips. Truthfully, I can’t say anything, after what happened between us, here we are having a small talk like an old friend is like a suicide for me.
“How hypocrite will I be if I say, I’m here because my care is only for the baby.” I chuckled.
She smiled and shook her head. “Yes, you are such a hypocrite,” she murmured.
I caught one of her hands and held it tightly. “How are you?” I asked in a serious tone.
She licked her dry lips and shook her head, “I don’t know, I just felt tired.”
I gripped on her tighter and squeezed her hand gently.
“No, just hold on… you can do it,” I uttered lowly. There was a lump im my throat when I said those words.
Tears pooled at the corner of her eyes but she rather hid it with a soft smile.
“The doctor said, there’s a 50/50 chance for me and for the baby…” She bit her lower lip and looked away.
“My pregnancy weakened my heart and it enlarged. It was late when we realized that my sickness became worse because of my pregnancy. I can deliver the baby but the risk are still there, there’s a possibility that I will get a heart attack during or after giving birth,” she stated softer and lowly.
I didn’t soeak. I thought her condition wasn’t that worse yet but her feet was actually already buried six feet deep in the ground.
I stayed holding her hand. I think there’s no word that could alleviate what she’s feeling right now.
I couldn’t utter a word. My heart was being pricked repeatedly. I thought, I’m the only one who got hurt and suffered from this epic love I fonder, but after hearing those words coming from her pale lips? I want to be ashamed of myself.
“Please, I want to hear it from you… I want to hear that… your forgiving me…” She held both my hands and looked at me with pleading eyes.
I shook my head, “No, there’s no need, Alessandra. I also did something wrong. IfI told you about this earlier, we wouldn’t have reached this situation.”
“It’s because you have a pure heart.” she reasoned.
I smiled a bit, “And so are you…” I muttered.
She laid down properly and beamed at me with teary eyes. “Can you promise me one thing?”
I swallowed hard as I looked at her with bobbing heart. She closed her eyes hard.
“I thought I’ll change his mind if I use my sickness as the reason for him to stay. But I was wrong, he’s not the same Gabriel that I loved before, he’s so different…”
“He can’t even look at my eyes, or hold me, or even kiss me. It hurts to think that the person who you love the most is slowly drifting away from you. Now I know what is the feeling of being left alone… So I guess this is what I called Karma,” she whispered weakly.
Her eyes stayed close while breathing lightly.
“Promise me… whatever happens, you will always love him as much as I do, don’t… just don’t give up on him, as what he did to you…” Her tears fell from her closed eyes.
“Promise me, Emory…” she trailed. She opened her eyes slightly and held my hand tightly.
She’s desperate and hopeless, I guess no matter what I say to give her strength, I can’t alter her decision anymore. So in the end, I squeezed her hand in return before opening my lips.
“Yes, I promise…”
“You don’t have to worry about the baby. He’s healthy and I know he’ll be fine…” Alessandra whispered to me.
I was holding her hand while her nose was attached to an oxygen tube. I came home from Manila when I received a call from Cassandra that she was rushed to the hospital again.
“How are you feeling? What did the doctor say?”
She shook her head and averted her eyes to a different direction, “I’m fine, now because you’re here…”
I lowered down my head. I held her hand tightly before releasing it.
“I-I have to go, Emory might be waiting for me.” I said in a low voice.
“Is it still her after everything?” Bitter words spit out of her mouth.
I didn’t respond. I think the pain I inflicted on her was enough. I can never repay all her help and sacrifices for our child if I kept on hurting her like this.
“Don’t stress yourself. It’s bad for you.”
She slowly closed her eyes and smiled. “I want to take a rest, don’t leave me again…” she whispered before drifting off to sleep.
“What the fuck, Gabriel! It’s not in our deal to hurt Alessandra!”
His eyes were bloodshot as he held my collar.
“Look at her now! She’s hovering between life and death because of what you did!”
I smiled bitterly. He was right, I was the one to blame for everything. Even the loss of the child in Emory’s womb.
“I’m sorry…” I lowly said.
Instead of speaking, he punched me. His mother couldn’t do anything when he pulled my collar and punched me again.
I didn’t fight back. I know I deserved this. If this will make him feel better, I’ll accept it.
“I regretted letting you in my house and get close to Alessandra!” He pointed his finger on me harshly with glaring eyes.
“Enough, Marcus! We’re in a hospital!” Cassandra held his arm to stop him.
“Don’t try to get close to Alessandra again! Or else you’d get more than beating!” He said in a stern voice before walking away with big strides.
I carefully wiped my bleeding lips and walked out of the hospital. After I heard about Alessandra’s condition, a decision has been made. Inside my car, I drove to a path of no destination.
l hate myself for hurting Alessandra and hated myself more for keeping on hurting Emory.
I slowed down when I saw our house. The lights from outside and from the small cottage was turned on where I saw Iseah. He immediately stood up and opened the gate to let me in.