Keerthi burst out crying, warm tears cascading her face as she found comfort in the solace of her father’s warm embrace, wrapping her arms around her father’s waist, the reality of the past few days and her marriage sinking in.
Keerthi wasn’t an extrovert. She had a lukewarm relationship with her husband, barely making conversation with anyone in the house apart from him. She was okay with him, she could get used to it.
But she just couldn’t be herself at least half the time. It was so new and foreign. She felt so out of place every time she sat for a meal with the Rathores. She felt like an outsider, which was true. She was. She only maintained a cordial relationship with them, only talking when necessary.
It was only with her husband that Keerthi was a little comfortable with. But talking to him was like touching a fuse wire, she didn’t know when it burnt. Keerthi already spoke less. But initiating a conversation with her husband was a task. Almost every alternate conversation they have turns into a fight, making her apprehensive to approach him. She found him great when he was nice, but the times he had made her cry was higher than the times he made her smile. There was a blatant imbalance.
She hated her father for throwing her into the sea of marriage before she was ready. She had to mold herself a lot, getting adjusted into the new setting she was forced to accept. She cried as she seeked comfort in her father’s arms.
She didn’t know if she was crying because she missed her parents or because of her argument with her husband or because she found it hard to call a new place home. It felt good to let it all out though.
She knew every girl went through that phase, she wasn’t the first girl to leave home to make another one her home. Women were expected to fulfill that requirement.
Arvind rubbed soothing circles on his daughter’s shoulders as he let her cry in his arms. He had never seen his daughter cry that way.
Keerthi cried her heart out. She was surprised she had so many pent up emotions in her. It took her father’s arms around her to let her be vulnerable without shame, she knew she could cry all she wanted only in her parents’ arms, at the end of the day.
She cried until she let go of all the emotions that didn’t let her stay at peace, the discomfort she felt at her in laws’ place, the awkward conversations she was forced to sit through, her husband’s hurtful words, the fear of marriage, the terror she had initially felt when her husband initiated intimacy , though they hadn’t gone all way, the loneliness she felt when she couldn’t talk to anyone in the house whole heartedly, the anger she had on her father for marrying her away without a proper consent, the fear she felt for her mother, the suppressed frustration she had on her husband who scolded her but didn’t want her to cry, crying away all the tears she had to blink away everytime they fought but couldn’t make way down her cheeks, the dislike she felt for the responsibilities marriage came with, the discomfort she had felt when she had to change her style of dressing, shifting to more conservative attires, every silly and serious issue and everything in between.
Keerthi buried her face into her father’s chest, sobbing loudly, knowing it was the only place she could do so freely, without him judging her. She could cry at peace, washing every bitter thought away in her tears. She didn’t find her new place home enough to cry in it openly and in front of others.
She had only cried in front of Vikram , though she didn’t like it, her husband could be very harsh when he was angry, tossing mean and hurtful statements. If it was upto her, she wouldn’t shed a tear in front of other people, apart from her parents. They were always an exception. Her husband didn’t give her a choice in their arguments. He said the exact words that would hurt her, forcing her to shed tears.
Keerthi pulled away after a long time, when she ran out of tears, gazing at her father’s warm concern filled eyes with a puffy face and a lighter heart. She probably looked like a clown with all the crying she had done. But she wasn’t worried about her appearance. The man in front of her was her father. She could cry all she wanted. It felt amazing to cry it out finally. It was long overdue,”I.. I just miss home so much. It’s all so new, so it’s ta.. taking a lot of time for me to adjust. I.. I just feel so awkward,”Keerthi wiped her nose,”All of it feels so new. An.. And.. I and Vikram had a small fall out,”Keerthi blurted out.
She didn’t know upto what extent it was good to disclose her marital issues to her father.
Arvind kissed his daughter’s forehead as he wiped the tears still flowing down her eyes, his own damp at his daughter’s unexpected outburst, crying bitterly into his chest.
It was the first time he saw his daughter sob so uncontrollably. He blinked his eyes, looking at his daughter. What her daughter said was normal. It was a stage. She will get through it, eventually, though it might take longer than usual. But she will. He knew it. It was nature’s magic. Letting go of old ties while she strengthened new ones.
“Beta”, he placed a hand on her head,”I know it must be difficult for you. But try to be a bit flexible. Your in laws are just like me and your mom. They are good people”, Arvind consoled his daughter,”You just stay twenty minutes away. Your office is on the way home right? So whenever you leave office early, just come home for a few minutes. That way, you will see either me or your mom often, so we will miss each other lesser. And as for your fight with Vikram, my only suggestion is to be calm in an argument. Don’t lose your cool, and at the time stand up for your word if you think you are right, apologize if you feel you are wrong”, Arvind advised his daughter.
Arvind knew his daughter would miss him and his wife lesser and lesser as she gets closer to her husband and his family.
That was just how things worked.
Keerthi listened to her father carefully,”Yes dad. I’ll do that”, she smiled at him, feeling serene. She didn’t realize crying could be so liberating, though her smile turned down when she remembered something.
That wasn’t their topic of conversation. They were talking about their mother.
Arvind sighed when he saw his daughter’s face,”Don’t worry about your mother.” He didn’t have to manhandle his wife now that he knew what was troubling his daughter.
Keerthi released the breath she was holding, having heard the unspoken promise in her father’s statement.
Keerthi nodded, giving her father another tight hug as she released him.
“Go. It’s already late”, he waited for his daughter to walk into the house before driving away.
Keerthi climbed onto the bed in her pajamas, feeling light hearted after the conversation with her father. She felt better.
She picked her phone to dial her mother after some time, knowing her father would have been home by now.
She crossed her fingers as her mother’s phone rang. She knew her father had promised her. But she wanted to hear it in her mother’s voice.
Keerthi let loose a breath of relief when she heard her mother’s bewildered voice.
“Keerthi? Is everything alright?”
“Yeah. Everything’s cool.”
“Why did you call then?”
“Do I have to call you at a particular time, Mom?”
“Keerthi”, Amritha said in a flat tone.
“I had called to say Goodnight.”
“Don’t lie”, Amritha warned her daughter.
“I just called to check on you”, Keerthi admitted softly.
She didn’t want to upset her mother.
“I am fine dear.” Keerthi could hear the smile in her mother’s tone.
“Okay”, Keerthi said.
“Keerthi”, Amritha started hesitantly,”Is everything alright?”
“Yeah. Why?”, Keerthi squeaked.
“What happened?”
Keerthi smiled amusedly, her parents knew her so well,”I was just missing home so much Ma.”
“Is that all?”, Amritha probed.
“I had a fight with Vikram”, Keerthi mumbled, lying down on the bed.
“Oh. Anything serious?”
“No”, Keerthi briefly explained the argument with her husband to her mother.
It felt nice to share it with her mother. She didn’t have a person closer than her mother to reveal what her fight with her husband was.
Amritha silently listened to her daughter,”Keerthi, Vikram probably was very busy. And how is it his fault if he himself didn’t know about the timing of the surprise trip? Don’t be upset about it”, Amritha advised.
She knew she shouldn’t poke her nose in her daughter’s marital issues. They were sensitive. But Keerthi was her daughter. If she didn’t explain to her what was right and wrong, nobody else would.
“Yeah. Maybe”, Keerthi closed her eyes. She didn’t want to discuss her husband.
“When is Vikram returning?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Okay. Call him now then.”
“No way”, Keerthi snorted, rolling her eyes.
“Keerthi”, Amritha scolded.
“Ma! he was very rude. There’s no way I am calling him now.”
Amritha silently thought about her daughter’s statement. She only knew what the issue was about, not it’s depth.
“If that’s what you want. But it’s not a good idea to hang onto ego.”
“It’s not ego”, Keerthi argued,”I am genuinely upset.”
“Fine. If not today, talk to him tomorrow. Okay?”,
“Okay”, Keerthi grumbled.
“Give it some time Kitty. It’ll be fine.”
“Yup.”
“Give me a call tomorrow saying you made up.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll update you the progress”, Keerthi laughed.
“Good. Goodnight. Go to sleep now. It’s already late. Don’t you have to go for work tomorrow?”, Amritha chided her daughter.
“Yeah, yeah. Will sleep now. Goodnight Ma.”
Keerthi placed her mobile on the side table.
Should she follow her mother’s advice and call Vikram once?, she glanced at her phone.
Though she missed him already, she decided she would let Vikram call her this time. He had scolded her once already when she had called. She was genuinely hurt when he snapped at her in the morning. She didn’t want to murder her self respect by calling him again, and most likely getting into another argument.
She glanced at her mobile hoping for it ring.
No call. No text.
She flung it aside, burying her face in the pillow, trying to sleep.
Vikram had not called that night.