Lily’s POV.
I look at the time for the tenth time, Ryan has yet to arrive. I made so many things for dinner. I made his favourite grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato soup which has croutons too. I also made his favourite salad of vegetables and corn and also some mozzarella sticks.
For the main dish, I made lasagna bolognese and for dessert we will have brownies which I brought from Emma’s house. I also arranged romantic music along with lights just like Ryan did once for us on our two months anniversary.
I even dressed up in his favourite color and the dress which I wore the first night in Vermont. The first night we took one step ahead. The night I lost myself and found a new me in his arms.
As I feed Lady, I hear the jingle of keys and stand up with a smile. He comes inside with his shoulder down and before he could say anything which would create another argument between us, I just kiss him.
“Talk can come later. First we need to eat. I am way too hungry to fight about anything right now.” I say and hold his arm to take him towards the dining table because I am hungry as I didn’t eat much all day and maybe after eating I can get courage to talk to him.
“Okay.” He says with a small smile.
Teddy and Lady are eating their dinner too while we have ours. We don’t talk about Freya or the argument but about other stuff like how the island mansion is coming along. He tells me where the construction has reached and also that it would be finished a week before Richard and Heather’s wedding anniversary.
“So…was the dinner good?” I ask as I sit close to him and kiss his cheek.
“It was nice.” He says.
“I want to tell you something.” I start to say but he holds his hand out to stop me.
“I have to say something too.” He says and I see something odd in his eyes.
“Okay. But first me.” I say and he shakes his head.
“No. What I am going to say is something you need to hear first.” He says with a serious look on his face.
“Okay.” I say as I want to know now what is so important he wants to talk about.
“Lately I have been thinking a lot about what we have and tried my best to hold on to it. But my feelings are changing.” He says and I feel my heart skip a beat as I realise he might be feeling what I am feeling.
“Really? What kind of feelings?” I ask and anticipate his answer.
“I am not feeling anything for you. I am starting to have feelings I had for you for someone else now.” He says and my smile fades away.
“What?” I ask.
“From the time I met Freya again, all those feelings I suppressed years ago came back this past week like a flood. The things I feel for Freya have not gone away but are increasing day by day. I just can’t keep you in the dark and ruin your life when I don’t feel like that for you. I thought that I could move on with you but it would be unfair for me to keep you in delusion that I like you and maybe this relationship could move on ahead. So I am here to tell you that we are breaking up. I am going back to Freya and we are going to give our relationship one more chance.” Ryan says and I feel something shatter inside me.
“You… you are… breaking up with me? Why? Everything… was going so… well.” I ask as I look at him with wide eyes.
“Because I don’t feel what I feel for Freya towards you. Lily, please try to understand. It is better this way. I would let you process this and leave you alone. Here is your key.” Ryan says in a somewhat hurry and leaves.
I don’t follow him and stay seated on the couch like a stone. A shocked stone. I don’t believe this. This can’t be happening. What had gone wrong for Ryan to say things like this. Was he truly not over Freya? Does he still feel for Freya?
My mind gets numb and I don’t know what to make of all these. I know Ryan was acting weird lately but I didn’t know that he was slowly withdrawing from me. How could he just break my heart and go away like this, like I don’t matter? How?
I finally break down and feel my throat choking up with sobs. I feel tears running down my cheeks and hear whimpers coming from somewhere. And when I realise it is coming from me, I sob my heart out.
Lady comes by my side and tries to console me as I sob in her mane. After a while when no tears come out of my eyes, I stand up and clean up everything. Then I go upstairs and get changed out of the dress and throw it in the back of my closet and go to sleep with Lady by my side.
Next morning, I wake up and have hot chocolate to soothe myself. I still don’t get why all of these happened. I still feel like this is some kind of prank that Ryan is playing on me because I made him irritated yesterday.
I still somewhere think that he would come here and laugh at me for believing stupid excuse like that. I look at the door with longing, then at the table near the door and see the other key which has an LRS initial on it. The key which I gave to Ryan. My whole hope goes away.
But when the doorbell rings, I get up with spring in my feet thinking it might be Ryan. I open the door only to see Emma and her smile fades looking at me. The tears come back to my eyes when I see her sad face and I hug her.
She brings me inside and closes the door behind her. For a few minutes I just hold her and cry while she just caresses my head like a mother. Then when my sobs are reduced to hiccups she brings water for me.
“Now tell me what happened?” Emma asks as I finish the water from glass and calm down a bit.
“He broke up with me.” I say.
“What? But why?” She asks.
“He said something like he has feelings for his ex-girlfriend and they want to give a second chance to each other. He also said that it would be unfair of him to stay with me when he doesn’t feel anything like he feels for his ex. He then left saying I should understand it is for the best. How could it be for the best when I don’t feel like it.” I say as I try to control my emotions.
“Lily, please calm down.” She says.
“How can I? He broke up with me out of the blue and told me to understand it in one day. How can I do this?” I ask.
“Did you tell him about your feelings?” Emma asks.
“Thank goodness, I didn’t. What a fool might I have looked if I had said it before him and then he would have broken up with me.” I say as I realise that.
“I know but… what do you want to do about it now? He is going back to his ex-girlfriend and there is nothing for you to do. If he had cheated on you or lied to you, I would have killed him. But he told you everything and then got back with that girl.” Emma says.
“You are right. He didn’t do anything wrong way because that’s the way he is but he did break my heart and my heart doesn’t cares about his stupid sincerity.” I say.
“Then what do you want to do? Cry about him always. You have to move past this, Lily. He is not the only one for you.” Emma says.
“It felt like he was the only one.” I say and sigh heavily.
“You know what, let’s go out.” Emma says.
“Did you leave the kids with Lucas?” I ask.
“He is better with them than I am. I told him that today I am going to enjoy my day just like he did yesterday. So do you wanna stay here and cry your eyes out or want to go shopping. I got Lucas’s card.” Emma says with evil glee in her eyes and a smile finally comes to my face.
“Okay. By the way, why did you ring the bell when you had the key?” I ask as I get up.
“I forgot it. Go, get ready then we will drop Lady to our home then go have fun.” Emma says excitedly and I smile for her sake.
I shower then get changed into black mock neck top and red pleated skirt. I wear wedges and wear watch then come down to see Emma has gotten Lady’s bag ready. We take Lady to house first and have breakfast then go out for some fun which does not include alcohol as Emma is not allowed to have it as she is still nursing Eve.
We go to movies first and watch a horror movie. Then we went to have a lunch of burgers and fries with a milkshake. We went shopping after that and had fun in some malls. Then we go for a little clubbing and then for dinner. As she drops me at my place, she gives me a big hug.
But as soon as I am back in my apartment, the memories of last night come back. No, I am not going to think about it. I will do everything possible to be away from him so that I won’t remember things.
“I can do that. I will focus on my work life and think about only my family and Lady. I would not pant or wait for him. I will also move on and find a new boyfriend in five to six years maybe.” I say to myself.
I will move on when I feel like it but till then I am not going to jump into another relationship to get out of this pain just to get another one. I will just focus on my work like I planned then maybe I could move past this pain and in a few years I would not even remember it. Maybe.
I go to sleep with difficulty and wake up many times in night by habit as I try to reach for Ryan in sleep. How pathetic can I be in my mind that it doesn’t accept the simple fact that he is not coming back ever again.
I wake up the next day and get showered and go to the office after leaving Lady with guard. When I entered the company, I got the good news of our project getting on board and the CEO had decided to give us a party.
Before the party starts, Vance gives credits to people who played major roles in the project including me and promises to give us a bonus. I should be happy knowing that I got a bonus and special credit for this project but then my heart reminds me that I don’t have that one person with whom I wanted to celebrate this.
I come home and order my favourite pizza with choco lava cake. As I eat it I watch sports that Ryan used to love, I mean he still loves it but he even got me addicted to it too. How I wish to just forget about him.
“Why is it so hard? It was not like we were together for many years. We were in a relationship for just four months. But those four months meant so much to me unlike Ryan for whom those four years were more important. I try to see things through his perspective and I feel like he did everything he could to let me down gently but when it comes to my perspective I don’t give a shit about it. However fair it would be, it is still unfair from my view and always would be.” I say and wipe my tears away.
The next day as I leave for company, I see Ryan and Freya in the lobby smiling at each other. For a minute, I could not move. There was a time when Ryan used to smile at me like that but he never had that weird look in his eyes when he did.
As if he knew I was around, he looked at me. Our eyes clash and for a second I see longing in his eyes but it is gone before I could even understand the meaning of that look.
I walk away from there with a heavy heart when I see Freya hugging Ryan. I don’t have the strength to see anymore than that. I take the bus and blast my ears with rock music. It is a solution to forget some people or memories.
The next two days at work were hectic as I had to not only look after arrangements but also have to attend some meetings on Vance instead as he was busy with one of his friend’s projects.
On Thursday afternoon, Vance comes with Kathy in the office and he asks me to order lunch for them. After doing so, I wait for their lunch and take it to them when it comes. As I start to leave Vance stops me.
“Lily, I need to talk with you.” Vance says as he sits beside his wife.
“Sure. What do you want to talk about?” I ask as I smile at him.
“Are you okay?” Vance asks and I get confused.
“Yes. I am. Why?” I ask.
“Well… I want to ask you for a favor.” He says as he hesitates.
“What favor, sir?” I ask.
“Well… the thing is we know-“He starts to say but gets interrupted by Kathy.
“We know that you are Ryan’s secret girlfriend.” Kathy says and I look at them in shock.
I compose myself then say, “I was but not anymore.”
“Well you still are.” She says and I get confused.
“No I am not, Mam. We broke up more like he broke up with me, so he could be with Freya.” I say.
“What if I say that it is all just a ruse?” Kathy asks.
“What do you mean?” I ask as I am still confused about this conversation.
“What my wife meant to say is that we need your help in exposing Freya and getting Ryan out of her clutches. So would you help us?” Vance asks.
“Can you tell me from the beginning?” I ask as I get curious what the hell is going on.
“Listen carefully…” Then Vance starts telling me and I am not only shocked but angry too at Freya.