Walking through the halls at school on Monday was the least of my worries, and yet the constant stares and whispers that continued to follow me around was the icing on top of the strange past two days. All day, teachers frantically tried to finish covering the material before the end of school, while the checked out students just stared at the clocks.
As I sat slumped in my seat in the back of one of my classes, it hit me that I would be graduating high school in about a month, and then I’d be off to Drexel after summer. I’ve never been nervous about college- I mean, I would be close to home and I’ve known where I wanted to go since the end of last year- but right now, things were changing.
All year I’ve been excited for high school to end and to start a new chapter of my life. One that didn’t involve any Thomas Clark’s, Nina Alexander’s, or Holden Brook’s. But, for the first time all year, I suddenly didn’t want to graduate. I knew, of course, that these mixed feelings were at the fault of a specific bad boy that I didn’t want to leave.
The specific bad boy who happened to catch up with me at that moment and curl his fingers around my waist from behind. I jumped a little in surprise and heard his deep laughter shortly after, and then he was standing next to me with a boyish grin on his lips. I tried to narrow my eyes at him, but his smile was infectious, and the corners of my lips turned up a little.
“Sorry,” Nathan excuses poorly with eyes glimmering with mischief. “I had to. You’re too easy to sneak up on.”
I give him a light shove and pout, “Go away.”
“Aw, you don’t mean that,” Nate coos, wrapping an arm around my shoulder as he guided us through the halls confidently. “You love me.”
I roll my eyes at his usual confidence and mutter, “In your dreams, buddy.”
As Nathan laughs, I glance around to see most of the students in the hallway staring at us. By now, I was used to all the staring and pointed fingers and whispering, but this was different. It felt like more people were watching.
“Are you going to see your dad today?” Nathan asks suddenly, his voice much softer than before, and I feel his hand slide into mine.
His question takes my attention off all the eyes on us, and I look at him with a nervous nod. “I’m going to his hotel now.”
When we walked through the doors and exited school, I felt the soft May breeze six with the warm sun to concoct a beautiful day. Nathan walks towards our cars, conveniently parked beside each other, and I still notice people staring in our direction. The girls were whispering furiously to each other, the guys smirking as we walked by.
“Are you nervous?” Nate asks next.
“No,” I answer dishonestly, and then sigh. “A little. But I’m trying not to be.”
“Do you want me to come?” This is probably the third time he’s asked, and while I want to say yes, I know this is something I have to do alone.
I shake my head and give him the same reason I give him every time: “I need to do it alone.”
We stop walking when we approach our cars, and Nate smiles at me sideways. “Don’t be nervous, it’s your dad. Just hear him out.”
You wouldn’t expect it, what with the whole bad boy reputation, but Nathan Rhodes gives tremendous advice that manages to calm me down every time I feel on edge. I muster a smile back at him and squeeze his hand, but as my gaze slides behind him and I see everyone staring at the two of us, my smile drops.
“Why the hell is everyone staring at us?” I ask in exasperated confusion as my gaze meets his again.
“Haven’t you heard?” He smirks and leans in, so our faces are inches apart. Our proximity still gets my heart racing in my chest, even moreso when I feel his breath fan my cheeks. “We’re Littleton High’s new favorite couple.”
I’m about to start laughing and tell him that he’s delusional, but when I spare a glance around the parking lot, I realize how right he is. The girls were staring with starry eyes and whispering to each other feverishly, lost in watching the ‘Lauren and Nathan’ show. I shake my head at our audience and meet Nathan’s gaze again with a smile.
“Interesting,” I hum, and then smirk. “I think everyone is shocked that the bad boy has been tied down.”
Nate chuckles at my comment and then fires back dramatically, “Or that you’re dating your ex boyfriends arch nemesis.”
I continue the banter effortlessly: “Or because you’re a huge softie.”
Nathan’s playful smile drops immediately as he cries, “I am not a softie!”
“You’re right,” I smirk at him, feeling extremely successful that I finally hit a nerve. “You’re not a softie, you’re a huge softie.”
I reach out and poke him in the chest to reiterate my words with a cheeky smirk on my lips. His eyes are alight in amusement and I find myself getting lost in them effortlessly. Nate leans in, getting closer to me again, but this time I actually feel my heart skip a beat at our closeness.
“Sweetheart, I’m still as bad as I was the day you met me,” Nathan promises smugly.
Ignoring my hammering chest, I smirk a little and lean closer, so our noses were almost touching. “Prove it.”
When Nathan smirks next, I realize that I’m about to regret ever saying those two words. He looks around and his eyes zero in on something- or rather, someone- walking out of the front doors of the schools. With one last smirk in my direction, Nathan begins walking toward the doors, and as I follow his stare, I realize who his target is.
Principal Metler.
My eyes widen and I mutter, “Aw, shit,” to myself when I realize this probably won’t end well.
Nathan reaches the principal and by the looks of what he says, it’s already going downhill. Mr. Metler’s face turns bright red and he has a scowl on his lips before thirty seconds even pass, and I take that as my cue to make Nathan shut the hell up. Quickly, I walk over to where they were standing, picking up my pace when I see Mr. Metler start to yell.
As I get closer, I hear him shout, “… dare you say such a thing to me? Do you want to be expelled, Rhodes? I would be ecstatic not to see you walk at graduation!”
Nathan looks composed, and his stupid smirk grows wider as he opens his mouth again. But before he can say anything to make the situation worse, I quickly butt in, “Mr. Metler, Nathan’s just being a nuisance. He really didn’t mean it.”
They both turn to look at me, and Nathan’s smirk widens, but Mr. Metler seems unamused. “Miss Collins, I’m positive the matter does not concern you.”
“I know,” I say quickly as my mind works quickly to think of a way to get out of this. “I just know that Nathan here has been trying a lot harder lately to stay out of trouble, and I don’t think that his lapse in judgement should be punished so harshly.”
Somehow, because of some miracle in the universe, Principal Metler studies me for a moment before he nods. “Very well.”
And then he turns to Nathan and says sharply, “Detention every day for the rest of the week. I’ll see you tomorrow at three o’clock sharp, Mr. Rhodes.”
With that, I grab Nathan’s hand and pull him away from the scene immediately. He’s chuckling by the time we’re out of earshot from the principal, and I stop to glare at him.
“I didn’t mean do something that got you expelled,” I hiss, hitting his arm.
Nathan is unaffected by my punch, and smirks victoriously. “I proved it, didn’t I?”
I roll my eyes at him, but I can’t help the tiny smile tugging at my lips. He sees this and smirks wider, having known that he did, in fact, prove his point.
“What did you say to him, anyway?” I inquire with genuine curiosity.
He smiles innocently. “I asked if he wore a toupee to overcompensate for his boring personality.”
First, my jaw dropped to the floor. Then, I was overwhelmed by the laughter that escaped my mouth that I couldn’t have suppressed even if I tried. Everyone in the school, including the staff, knew that Principal Metler wore a toupee. Everyone also knew that he was, hands down, the most boring person on the planet.
He had a monotonous voice, and when he spoke, people often found it difficult to pay attention, let alone stay awake. However, no one said anything to him about it, because they were afraid of getting in trouble.
Well, everyone except Nathan.
I turn around and find Principal Metler standing by a car, looking in the mirror while fixing the placement of the wig on his head. I stifle my laughter and look back at Nathan with a wide smile, extremely amused by his actions, even if they did almost get him expelled.
“Well, Nathan,” I say with confidence. “You’re still a huge softie to me.”
He doesn’t argue this, but instead chuckles and grabs my hand. “That’s a given.”
I smile widely and let him walk us back to our cars, where we were before he felt a need to bully our principal, and this time I realize I actually have to go see my father. My mood dampened slightly at the realization, and the nerves began to set in again.
I mean, what would I even say to him? What would he say to me? Would we just sit there in uncomfortable silence? Do I show him pictures of everything he missed? How do I even begin to explain to him the hurt he caused me by walking out on our family?
“You’re thinking too hard,” Nathan says softly, tugging my hand.
I pull myself out of my nervous thoughts and sigh. “Can you blame me?”
Nathan smiles warmly, and it’s that look that he gives me that tells me everything will be okay, and I believe it. “It’s going to be hard to talk to him at first, but you’re a strong girl, you can handle it. Just listen to him. You don’t have to be close with him again, but it’s worth a shot to hear where he’s coming from.”
I nod dutifully, letting his words sink in, and Nate takes little time in wrapping me in his arms. I didn’t realize how much I needed a hug until I was in his arms, and once I was, I wrap my arms around his torso and rest my forehead against his chest, finding comfort in the way his chest rose and fell with each breath.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come?” Nathan asks again, his voice muffled.
I smile. “I’m sure,” When I pull away (very reluctantly, I might add), I look at Nate and smile wider. “Thank you, Nate.”
He smiles back at me, a smile that holds so much confidence in me that I’m sure I’ll be okay now. “Any time, kitten.”
We say goodbye and I take my sweet time turning my car on and backing out of the parking lot. When I finally got on the road, the nerves kicked in again, and I half want to call Nathan and ask him to meet me there, but my smarter half knows I need to deal with this on my own. So, in a poor attempt to distract myself, I turn the radio on and the volume all the way up, hoping it would keep me from hearing my own thoughts.
Ten minutes later, I stopped in the parking lot of the Hilton. I got out of my car and paused in front of the front doors, simply staring at my reflection in the glass. All grown up, I was here at a hotel in the city to speak to my father. For a second, my reflection morphed into that of me at a younger age, when if I wanted to see my dad, I just had to call his name in the house.
It took me a few minutes before I finally took a few steps closer, and the doors slid open in front of me. I walked inside the bustling hotel, full of people walking through the lobby and receptionists busy behind the desks. My eyes fell on a sign directing me to the elevators, and I followed it without speaking to anyone. In my back pocket was a crumpled piece of paper that I reached for and then read: Floor 6 Room 624.
When the elevator opened, a group of people pushed past me to get off, not bothering to mutter an apology when a businessman pushed my shoulder as he squeezed by. I took a deep breath and got on the now empty elevator and pressed 6 after much hesitance. As the elevator moved, I tried to replay Nathan’s words in my head.
Just listen to him. Hear him out. It sounded easier said than done; I had to talk to the man that left me and my family ten years ago and try to understand his reasoning for doing so. Doubt began to creep in, but when the elevator dinged and the doors opened to the sixth floor, I couldn’t find it in me to turn back now. I had come to far.
So I stepped out of the elevator and found room 624, and that’s how I ended up standing in front of a door for five minutes, just staring at the silver doorknob and coat of white paint covering the door. I was just standing there, staring, unable to move, but it looked like I didn’t have to.
Because the door opened for me.
My fathers green eyes widened upon seeing me, as if he couldn’t believe I was here. To be fair, if I were him, I wouldn’t believe it either.
“Lauren?” He asks hesitantly, the shock evident in his voice.
Somehow, I muster a small smile. “Yeah.”
“What are you doing here?” My father asks as a smile of his own creeps onto his lips.
“I came here to talk to you,” I state obviously, and then my habit of nervous rambling kicks in. “But then I actually got here and couldn’t work up the nerve to knock. I mean, all I have to do is lift my fist and hit it against the door, but I couldn’t do it. But then you did it for me, and now here I am.”
My strange rambling doesn’t seem to faze him, and he just smiles a little more. “Do you want to get some coffee?”
I nod, not trusting myself with words anymore, and he nods as well. He steps out of his hotel room and shuts the door, then turns to me.
“My favorite place is only a five minute walk away, Black-” Dad begins, but I cut him off.
“Blackbird café,” I finish for him. “I know.”
This makes him smile at me, but I just nod and we walk to the elevator. The elevator ride is as silent as the walk to the café, but I’m thankful that he doesn’t push conversation on me. It isn’t uncomfortable, necessarily, but it certainly isn’t the same kind of comfortable silence I have with my mom or Luke or Stephanie or Nathan. It’s just… Silent.
When we get to the café, we sit down at a booth near a window, so the light is shining onto our table. A waitress comes over quickly and takes our orders- he gets a black coffee, I get a chocolate milkshake because chocolate fixes everything- and then we are left alone again. I stare at his face for a moment, drinking in the details that I missed before.
He still looks the same, just older. He has more wrinkles on his forehead, worry lines as my mom calls them, and there are small bags under his eyes. His eyes are as bright as mine, and the only thing that hasn’t aged since I last saw him. Staring at my father, I could easily see our resemblance; I took his eyes and lips, two of my most distinct features.
“So,” He begins with a nervous edge to his voice. “How are you?”
I want to laugh. I mean, the last time I saw him, I was screaming to Luke about how I never wanted to see him again, which was the first time I’ve seen him in ten years. But I hold my laughter in, knowing it was not the time or place to mock his choice of words, no matter how much I wanted to challenge them.
“I’m alright,” I answer painfully cryptically. “And you?”
My father looks pained when he hears me say this, and I realize it’s because he knows how uncomfortable this whole exchange has been so far. “I’m good.”
Annoyed with the lack of straightforwardness, and the way he asked me how I was doing, I decide to be the one to man up and address the elephant in the room. I let out a deep breath and rest my arms on the table, and then look up at him expectantly.
“Listen,” I say seriously. “Im trying to give you a second chance here. I really am. But I’m not going to lie; there’s so much I need to say before I do that.”
He nods in understanding and his expression softens, like he appreciated the brute honesty much more than beating around the bush. “Say what you need to say.”
His encouragement doesn’t mean much to me considering I was already starting my rant. “You walked out on our family. I don’t know what fairy tale world Luke is living in, but I know the truth. I listened to you tell mom that you were done with our family, and then I watched you walk out the front door. I spent the rest of my life not knowing where you went or what you were doing or if you still cared. And for that, I really don’t want to even look at you, let alone forgive you.”
I stop because I feel myself getting too worked up, so I don’t say anything else and just take a few breaths.
“I understand,” He says, more to fill the void than anything else.
When I feel ready, I continue. “I hated not having a dad there for me when I was growing up. It really sucked, you know? You left, and I never knew why.” I take a deep breath and look directly in his eyes, prepared to ask the question that’s been stuck in the back of my mind ever since he left. “Why did you leave?”
I could see the sadness in his eyes after I asked the question, and I braced myself for an answer. “I suppose you have a right to know the answer to that question,” I leaned forward in anticipation. “When your mothers writing career started taking off, we began arguing a lot. She wanted me to quit my job to be a full time father, but I didn’t want that. In the end, I took the easy way out and just left.” I have to admit, the truth hurt more than it helped. “It’s a terrible reason, and I resent myself for leaving my family behind just because I was scared.”
I think of something my mom said yesterday and mutter, “Fear makes people do stupid things.”
But still, the truth hurt. He left his entire family because he didn’t like the direction his life was going. The only thing that took the edge off of the truth was his tone of voice while explaining it; he truly sounded disgusted with himself for leaving.
“That’s exactly it. I was afraid, and I made the wrong decision,” He says with a discontented sigh. “If I could go back to that day and decide to be a better father to you and Luke, I would. All I can do now is try to make up for lost time.”
I shut my eyes for a moment, taking his words in. “Like I said, it sucked going through these past few years without a father. But it’s going to suck more if I don’t give you another chance, and I know that.” I open my eyes again and see a hopeful glint in my fathers emerald eyes, and feel myself give in a little. “If Luke and mom can find it in their hearts to reconnect with you, then I can try, too.”
My father grins, a sight that looks familiar yet I haven’t seen it in quite a long time. The action reminds me of times we spent together when I was younger, like the amazing days we spent at the lake, in his old Mustang, and at the mountains.
“You have no idea how much that means to me, Lauren,” His voice is sincere. “I… I know I messed up by leaving. I was scared, but I know that’s not an excuse. Ever since, I’ve spent life regretting that decision the most. I missed you and Luke so much, but I didn’t know how to come back, because I thought you’d never forgive me. I mean, I wouldn’t forgive me.”
I mutter, “Believe me, I tried to not forgive you.” And then I look in his eyes and say honestly, “Nathan was the one that really changed my mind.”
“It’s very mature of you to give me a second chance. I can’t believe how grown up you are,” Dad says slowly, to prove his disbelief.
I don’t know what to say, so I just give him a small and wary smile, and let him continue to stare at me. To be fair, I was still staring at him. It was weird not seeing someone in so long, and then having them sit in front of you as they ask to renter your life. It felt surreal, so I took each free moment to stare at my father and wonder if he was really here.
And, finally, like I’ve been waiting for since he left, he was back.
Dad smiles mischievously as he remembers something. “So, Nathan, huh? Is he your boyfriend?”
The mere mention of his name makes me smile, and I explain simply, “Yeah, he is.”
“And is he good to you?” He asks next, and I can hear the hardness in his tone at this question, a fatherly attitude surrounding the words.
“He’s very good to me,” I promise him, my smile not daring to fade. “He makes me really happy.”
There is a happy sheen in my fathers eyes, one that is genuine and couldn’t be faked. He looked happy for me, like the information pleased him very much, and I felt myself trust him a little more.
“That’s all that matters, honey,” His lips are still curled up in a warm smile. “I would love to meet him.”
“We could all have dinner together one night,” I suggest softly.
As we make dinner plans for Thursday night, I realize how grateful to Nathan I really was. If it weren’t for him, I would be moping in my room, ignoring Luke and my mom, especially my father, until he left. I wouldn’t have given a second thought to ignoring him, stuck in my stubborn conclusion. But here I was, making an effort to reconnect with my father, and it felt good.
And I could thank the bad boy for turning me into a better person.