Alex’s POV –
I wake up the next morning with an aching loneliness in my stomach. I groan and roll over, noticing my bed is empty. The sun is streaming through the windows and despite the brightness of the morning, I feel like hell.
“Caleb?” I call out, rolling out of bed. I pull my shirt over my head, wincing from the dull ache soaring through my body. There’s no response in the apartment and I take out a clean shirt from my wardrobe, pulling it on.
“Caleb?” I repeat, heading for the door. I walk through the hallway of my apartment, stretching my arms above my head. When I enter the living area, my eyes land on Caleb, sitting silently on a beanbag. His eyes are drawn in, skin ghostly and paper like.
“Hey man,” I say softly, taking a step towards him. He doesn’t flinch, blink or acknowledge my presence at all. It’s like his mind has detached itself from his body. I let out a small sigh and head for the kitchen, turning the coffee machine on. I know the haunted look on his face is due to the dark thoughts of his baby and Nikki. I can’t begin to imagine how he must be feeling right now.
I drop a coffee pod inside the machine and take out two mugs from the cupboard before settling them down onto the counters. My thoughts turn towards Ariana and I place my hand on the worktops, leaning into them. I close my eyes and inhale sharply, pushing the thoughts to the back of my mind. If I don’t, I feel like I’m quickly losing my sanity and I need to be on the ball if I want to find her.
“Can you add some whisky into that?”
I jump from the sudden noise cutting through the silence. When I turn around, Caleb is stood behind me, his eyes lifeless. He’s signalling towards the mug and I push a hand through my hair, raking it back.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea man.” I tell him. He doesn’t say anything but eventually lets out a scoff, pushing past me. He opens the doors to the cupboards and I hear the clanging of glass.
“Caleb — ”
“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do.” Caleb shoots back, cutting me off. He stands up, a bottle of whisky in his hand. I watch as he unscrews the lid off the bottle, pouring it into the mug. He barely hesitates before lifting the mug up towards his mouth. I lunge forward and pluck the mug from his hands, my eyebrows raised high at him.
“Stop it, you’re not drinking at eight in the morning.” I say to him firmly, disposing of the alcohol down the sink. I pick up the bottle, ignoring Caleb’s burning stare at me.
“Give me the bottle Alex.”
“No.” I hit back at him, holding the bottle as far away from him as I can. He begins to grow angry, rocking on the balls of his feet.
“Alex, give me the bottle!” Caleb suddenly yells, lunging towards me. His hands wrap around the neck of the bottle but I struggle against him, trying to fight him off.
“Let go, I don’t want to hurt you.” I say firmly, clenching my jaw. Caleb continues to fight against me so eventually, I drop the bottle to the floor, letting the contents of it shatter all over the floor. I’d rather it soak into the floor than soak into his blood stream.
“Why the fuck would you do that?! I want a drink! One simple drink!” Caleb explodes, spitting at the mouth. He charges towards me, his fists raised and ready to strike. I exhale sharply, grabbing his hand and yanking it behind his back force-fully. He lets out a low groan, struggling to escape from my tight hold. I pull him against my body, desperately trying to get him to stop fighting.
“I don’t want to hurt you! Stop fighting.” I plead with him.
“I hate you! I fucking hate you man! I wanted that drink. I wanted one drink — ” Caleb argues back, his voice shrinking the more he yells. Eventually his legs give out underneath him and he falls to the floor but I’ve got my arms around him. His body begins to shake profusely, loud sobs filling the air around us. He sounds broken as we both slide to the floor, me holding onto him as he grieves the lost of his unborn child.
“I’m so sorry Alex. Fuck, I’m so sorry.” He cries, his face scrunched up in pain. I feel my heart break for him, the sight of seeing him so torn up bringing tears to my eyes.
“I’ve got you. It’s okay Caleb, I’ve got you.” I repeat over and over again. Minutes pass and his sobs fade out into one quiet whimper and he lies on the floor, looking completely exhausted. I don’t know how long we lie like that but eventually I feel his breathing even out as he drifts off into a painful sleep.
I let out a low grunt as I drop Caleb onto the bed, the scent of alcohol still lingering on him. I wonder how long he was awake for, drinking himself into oblivion whilst being surrounded by the night. I pull the covers over him, leaving a bottle of water and aspirin on the bedside table for when he wakes.
He’s going to wake up with one hell of a hangover but at least some sleep will do him well. I head to the kitchen and place a meal inside the oven for him with a note stuck on the oven door. For myself, I grab a banana and my car keys before heading for the door.
I have a lot of work to do and without Caleb, it’s going to take longer than I expected.
*****
My first stop is Dimitri Petrov’s place. I know I’m taking one hell of a risk to visit him alone but Ariana is worth that risk. The thought of her alone and in pain has me motivated and fuelled up to find her more than ever. My hands on the steer-ing wheel tighten and I step down onto the gas pedal. Visions of me doing this on the camping trip fill my mind and I let out a heavy sigh.
If only I carried on driving and didn’t stop the car . . .
Would Ariana be safe right now?
Would Caleb’s baby be alive?
I feel the anger and self loathe build up inside my stomach and I slam my hand down onto the steering wheel, clenching my jaw. The what if’s continue to run through my mind and I can’t help but blame myself. If Ariana never immersed her-self in my life, she’d be safe. I know the rest of my life will work out this way. No-one can ever grow close to me because every relationship I have puts the person at risk. The amount of times Caleb has dodged bullets for me is too many to count.
The thought of never being able to live a normal life suddenly dawns on me and I let out a scream of frustration, anger bubbling away relentlessly.
“I have to find her, I just have to.” I murmur under my breath. When I find her and she’s safe, I promise myself I’m going to disappear from her life.
For her own safety.
If I don’t, I fear she’ll be killed . . . If she hasn’t already. The thought alone causes me to speed up through the streets, a single tear of frustration slipping from my eye and rolling down my cheek.