I would love to believe that I am growing, that I am learning about feelings that I never thought that I would ever feel. Yes I don’t have it down to an art and that I am yet to learn about so much more. But what I have not learnt yet, is how to let go of certain parts, letting go of something that has not worked out.
How do I break it off with Tajsa without breaking another heart?
Definitely not at the office.
It’s ten minutes before seven as I quickly change while Joelle is waiting for me.
I find her very nervous pacing the office.
Damon ~”You are going to wear those heels out not to mention my carpet.”
Joelle ~”I am just so nervous, this is like everyone that is important to you. I don’t want to mess things up.”
Damon ~”The only one that will be messing things up will be that damn brother of mine. Just remember.”
Joelle ~”Be careful of Brody.”
Damon ~”The last time I said my assistant is off limits, I ended up breaking my own rules.”
Joelle ~”Don’t worry Mr Chase whatever happens between you two will stay with me.”
Damon ~”Well let’s just hope that she does not kill me tonight. Now are you ready?”
Joelle ~”Yes Mr Chase.”
Damon ~”Call me Damon.”
Joelle ~”Yes Damon.”
We lock the offices and head downstairs. Now I know this is already starting a whole new room for gossip. I can just hear the chatter, Damon Chase getting hot and heavy with his new assistant. Do I care? No! Do I care for her reputation? Of course I do. But it does not seem to bug her, something gives me an idea there is more to her than just a pretty face. As for me, my eyes only belongs to one woman.
As we walk into the crowded bar, I can see Brody’s jaw drop to the floor, exactly as I thought it would be. See Brody has a thing about blondes, Tajsa whom no one will ever believe is in fact a real blonde. As for Mason, I think he is still trying to find his feet after his recent big break up, you can’t blame a man for just wanting love.
Damon ~”Brody you can pick that thing off the floor now, drooling is so not appealing.”
Brody ~”Oh shut up and introduce me to this lovely girl.”
Damon ~”Joelle, this is that guy I warned you about.”
Joelle ~”Oh so you are Brody, I have heard quite a bit about you and I must say none of it is good.”
Mason ~”Damn you just got whipped, who is the new lady?”
Damon ~”This is Joelle, my new assistant.”
Mason ~”Oh please don’t say hands off.”
Brody ~”We all know what happened the last time you did.”
Damon ~”Talking about her, where is she?”
Mason ~”Finishing something off in her office, she said she will be down in ten..”
I watch Brody as he tries to make his next move, I have never seen him so lost for words. Joelle has really got his head in a spin. I honestly wish that he can meet a nice girl like this, not that I am saying Tajsa is bad but a girl like this will make him anchor some roots. Tajsa needs a man more like Mason, he will love her with his whole heart. He has always just been too dumb to make a move.
Listen to me, matchmaker, I can’t even find my own match. God knows where she is, I just hope that she is safe. I know that she will reach out to me when she is ready. Question is, how much she is hurting? And how long will it be until she does?
I watch as Tajsa finally walks into the bar, she looks as tired as shit. I did not spend much time with her today but I am sure she will do great, she has never been shy for a challenge. But the challenge now is to talk to her about us.
Damon ~”Hey Tajsa, are you doing okay?”
Tajsa ~”Hey Damon, just been hectic, have so much to get back up and going. The previous guy left everything in a mess.”
Damon ~”I have faith in you, I know you will get it up to what it should be. Can I get you a drink?”
Tajsa ~”Just a beer thanks.”
Maybe I should wait until the club? But what if she does not go to the club? I know what I am doing, I am trying to stall. My lousy ass is too shit scared to do it.
Tajsa ~”Listen, I think we need to talk.”
Damon ~”I was thinking the same thing. Do you want to go first?”
Tajsa ~”I think we made a mistake, it is just all about the sex. I am not willing to ruin a friendship just to have a sexual relationship with you. We both were just in the wrong space at the right place.”
Damon ~”I am not going to lie to you but I am so happy to hear you say that. I was going to ask you if we can end it, I still have feelings for Skye. It will not be right on you.”
Tajsa ~”So we friends?”
Damon ~”Of course babe, we are friends.”
Tajsa ~”Hey at least I got to see what all the talk is about.”
Damon ~”And?”
Tajsa ~”It was damn good.”
Damon ~”Believe me when I say that is the best sex I have ever had on that table.”
Tajsa ~”It was the only sex that you have ever had on that table.”
Damon ~”Just take the compliment.”
Tajsa ~”Compliment taken. I see Brody is busy working Joelle.”
Damon ~”I watched him earlier on, he is not really doing it so well.”
Tajsa ~”And Mason?”
Damon ~”I think he is too shit scared that Brody might punch him.”
Tajsa ~”Well I am glad that everything has gone back to normal.”
Damon ~”Ya, it was a little crazy there for a second.”
Actually it was crazy and confusing as fuck. But what have I learned? Do not fuck your best friend which is your brother’s ex-girlfriend too. Do not and I really mean do not bet that you will get a girl to fall in love with you cause you will get burnt. It was a total rollercoaster up and down between two girls but I am glad I figured it out and everything is now back to normal.
Well almost.
We both join up with the group at their table. Poor Joelle is nearly drowning underneath all Brody’s attention. I think it is about time that someone rescues her.
Brody ~”So are we all going to the club?”
Tajsa ~”Oh that is a no from me, I had one heck of a day.”
Brody ~”And you bro?”
Damon ~”Nah, I did not get much sleep last night.”
Mason ~”You two are going home together.”
Damon ~”Unfortunately not, I really do just want to go home and sleep. Are you going to stay Joelle?”
Joelle ~”Yes, I think I might just.”
Damon ~”Well I see you tomorrow then.”
Joelle ~”See you tomorrow Damon.”
Me and Tajsa make our way out the building down to the car park, it seems like it is still raining so no walk back home in the cool crisp air for me tonight.
Damon ~”Do you want me to follow you home?”
Tajsa ~”Nah I should be fine. Are you going to be okay? I know thatyou are missing her.”
Damon ~”She is gone, she left to god knows where. She is not answering my calls or my texts.”
Tajsa ~”Fuck Damon, I am so sorry. I did not know.”
Damon ~”I feel like I am going to go crazy without her Tajsa.”
Tajsa ~”Oh Damon, it is all my fault.”
Damon ~”No it was mine too. I was so fucking stupid, I should have never gone through with that bet.”
Tajsa ~”Come, you are coming home with me. I am not leaving you alone like this.”
Damon ~”I am fine Tajsa, really, I want to be home in case she comes there.”
Tajsa ~”Damon please phone me if you need anything, even if you can’t reach the remote.”
Damon ~”I think that is a bit extreme but I will definitely consider it.”
We give each other a long hug goodbye before we get into our cars and head out into the rainy night.
Home is dark and cold tonight, the fuzzy warmness is not there. Is it because my heart feels cold? Once again I am all alone, Tajsa is gone and so is Skye. Why does it hurt so damn hard, it is like my chest is crushing my heart? It does not beat, it does not breathe, and it is dead just like all the emptiness around me. The blood does not even pump in my veins, all feeling and movement has gone. I am nothing in a piece of flesh, for without the love of her, I do not want to be whole again.
I sit and cry in the darkness. Does the tears wash my hurt away, it merely just makes midtown in it. I have never been a man to cry but since I have met her all I do is hurt and shed my tears away. I hear you ask then why do you want to be with her. I want to cause I know she is good, I know we are good. If I have to cry the oceans dry then I will, I will sit and cry here every night until she comes home.
I am a changed man, Damon Chase the player is being wiped away with every drop that falls down my cheek.
Morning is here and I have not slept, I don’t feel like getting off this chair and go and face the world. Why should I? If I choose to sit and kill myself minute by minute then that is my choice. No one is going to stand up and make it better, no one is going to say, hey here is your heart back or even better, give you back all your tears. The sad truth is that when you laugh, everybody laughs with you but when you cry, I cry all alone.
I take my phone of the table and send two messages.
Damon ~”Tajsa, I am not going to be in the office today, please can you keep an eye on things. I will be available if you need me.”
I wait for her response.
Tajsa ~”Take as much time as you need, I will be here for you.”
Then I send my second.
Damon ~”Skye, please just talk to me, I am dying here without you.”
I wait for a response.
But I get nothing.
I make my way to the bar, it is six in the morning, who the fuck is going to care if I am drinking.
It is about two in the afternoon when my drunk ass finally pass out.
I wake up again when the alarm goes off at six in the morning.
Damon ~”Tajsa not coming in today either. Please just keep Joelle busy.”
I wait for her response.
Tajsa ~”Please promise me that you okay. Don’t worry about the office, I need for you to get better.”
I sent another message to Skye.
Damon ~”You are killing me, please come home.”
But as expected, no answer.
I make my way back to the bar, it is true, alcohol does numb all your pain, it damn well numbs everything especially if you as pissed as I am.
Day three comes around.
Then day four.
Eventually a week passes.
My routine stays the same. Message. Drink. Pass out. Message. Drink. Pass out. Day after day after day.
Hundreds of messages go to Skye unanswered. At one stage I even phoned the coffee shop to make sure I have the right number. But absolutely nothing.
The pain eventually starts getting better but it never completely goes away.
As I reach my two week mark, I make the decision to pick myself up from my suicide mission and face the world again. I am going to say I have had enough time to cry but I don’t think a broken heart ever heals and you always have another tear to shed.
I hear Maggie come in as I get ready for work
Maggie ~”Good god Damon, did you forget where is the trash bin, you have shit laying all over the floor.”
I make my way downstairs, I must say I actually look human again.
Maggie ~”What did you do here for two weeks?”
Damon ~”I took a holiday.”
Maggie ~”You had a trash party. How much did you drink?”
Damon ~”If you count all those bottles then you will get an idea.”
Maggie ~”Don’t crack your stupid jokes. Are you okay now?”
Damon ~”Yes Maggie, I feel so much better.”
Maggie ~”The heart still broken?”
Damon ~”It is always going to be.”
Maggie ~”Do you still miss her?”
Damon ~”Yes every day.”
Maggie ~”Come let me give you a hug.”
Maggie hugs me tighter than I think is even humanly possible.
Damon ~”I love you Maggie, thanks for understanding my nonsense the past two weeks.”
Maggie ~”It is okay my Damon, I understand.”
Damon ~”How is Bella?”
Maggie ~”She misses you.”
Damon ~”I will come fetch her this afternoon.”
With that I am out the door. Now the big question is. Do I go to Crazy Beans or do I go to the office?
I get into my car and turn on the road to take me to the office.
I grab two coffees and petites from the cafe and head up in the elevator to my office. Much to my surprise Joelle is still here.
Damon ~”Morning Joelle.”
Joelle ~”Good morning Mr Chase. I am so glad that you are back.”
Damon ~”I am so glad that you are still here. Come, I got you a latte, let’s catch up on some gossip and of course a bit of work.”
Joelle ~”Sure I am right behind you Mr Chase.”
Damon ~”It’s Damon.”
Joelle ~”Yes Damon.”
We sit down on the couches while having our lattes.
Damon ~”So what is going on around here?”
Joelle ~”Well the lady in finance had a thing with the one sales guy, her husband found out and came to punch the poor guy. Security had to throw them out.”
Damon ~”That is the third time that she has done it now, I swear men are a sucker for an attractive woman.”
Joelle ~”May I ask how you are doing?”
Damon ~”I am much better, thank you Joelle. Now tell me what is going on with you and Brody?”
Joelle ~”He keeps asking me for dinner but I keep telling him no.”
Damon ~”You know he is never going to give up?”
Joelle ~”I think I sort of figured. I just don’t want to do anything that might get me in trouble here at work.”
Damon ~”Brody does not ask girls normally to dinner, he really must like you a lot. If you like him then you must go.”
Joelle ~”You not going to be upset?”
Damon ~”No of course not. And tell me what is happening with Mason?”
Joelle ~”I don’t know if I should say but he took Tajsa out for lunch the other day.”
Damon ~”I am glad to see he finally has got some balls.”
Joelle ~”Does that not bug you?”
Damon ~”He has always liked her, I think maybe she likes him just as much too.”
Joelle ~”I am sorry that things did not work out with you and your girl.”
Damon ~”If there is one thing that these two weeks have taught me then it is that sometimes not everything works out the way you want it too.”
Joelle ~”It still is sad, she sounded like a nice girl.”
Damon ~”She was, I mean she is a nice girl. I will never forget her. They say you never forget your first love.”
Joelle ~”I am glad you are back Mr Chase even if it is with a bit of a broken heart.”
Damon ~”Well that is enough of that. I got some calls to make. I will call you to go through those contracts.”
Joelle ~”Sure Mr Chase.”
She leaves the offices and closes the door. Then I finally let go off what I have been keeping in. I thought I was done with this shit. Why the fuck am I crying again? I can think of her but it seems that I am not just yet ready to talk about her.
I take my phone off the table and stare at the screen. I stopped texting her after a week and I still have not heard from her either. Should I try again? No I just cannot bare the pain of rejection.
Joelle buzzes my phone.
Damon ~”Yes Joelle, I am in the middle of something.”
Joelle ~”Mr Chase there is someone to see you.”
Damon ~”Please ask them to make an appointment.”
Joelle ~”But Mr Chase you said I must always…”
Damon ~”I said not now Joelle.”
Then there is a knock on the door
Damon ~”Dammit Joelle I said I am busy.”
I slam my chair against the window as I get off from my table to see who the hell cannot take a no for an answer.
Then I open the door.