It’s been a month now that I am in my own place. It is not in the city; it is outside in the country, far away from all the craziness. My closest neighbor is miles away. The only time I get in contact with another person is when I go to the grocery store every week. I prefer being all by myself in nature every day. Guess that is Tyler that made me crave life this way
I still speak to Sandra every day. Guess it’s my way to catch up on the gossip around town. It is not like anything is interesting going on around here
“Hey, Sandra.”
“Hey, girl. How is life on the ranch?”
“I finally learned how to ride a horse.”
“I know of someone that would be proud of you.”
“How are things there?”
“Michael left town yesterday.”
“Shit, I am sorry.”
“I am glad he did. That whore is already circling her next prey.”
“Poor guy.”
“She has been hanging around the station every day taking him lunch and shit.”
“Who? Tyler?”
“Yes”
“She won’t get anything right.”
“I don’t know; she just might. He is still torn up.”
I always firmly believed that Tyler is a man of reason, but the man that I saw in front of me that day, that evil look in his eye, that is a man that I do not know. There is an evil that has consumed his being, and I, sad to say, am the reason behind that. I have driven a man to his brink, and he has now toppled over. He has fallen into an abyss of darkness. Shall he return? Shall he stay? That I shall never know, for I am not allowed near his presence.
I have made a bed, and I must lay in it, I just stew in my own betrayal, I must turn over in my own deceit. But I still cannot stop thinking of him every day; I still have endless dreams of him at night.
I constantly think as he sits down in the chair behind his desk. He always used to sit and admired me with my red stilettos. It used to set his body aflame the way I swayed my hips in them.
I can feel how my urge grow for him to take me in an instant. I want to satisfy that raging animal that is building like a fire waiting to be released. I feel as he tangles his hands in my her and seeks the softness of my lips. I want to taste that whiskey that still lingers on his lips. I want every carnal desire for him to take over my body.
I used to love how he would clear every single content of his desk just to lay his hands over my aching body. His tremble hands would pin me high above my head until I stopped to squirm.
I used to stare into that blue eyes and begged him to take me. The mere words would shoot an ached to his core, and in an instant, all his restraint would step out the door.
My arms used to clasp around his waist as I needed to have his body closer. Just the thought of his naked body now sets me in a raging fire that consumes my body. There is nothing more than I want for him to consume my body and my soul.
He used to tease the tip of his tongue down the sensitive part below my ear. The very moment a moan would escape my lips, the longing will become greater. With him, I could never keep myself in control long. He always used to save my mouth, taste me until I quivered, while slowly making me begs.
God, I miss him so much. And just hearing that Clara is around again sent like a thousand daggers through my heart. I had the greatest thing in my life, and all I did was threw it away.
I miss seeing those brown eyes as they watch me so intently in the morning while I am still sleeping. That perfect messy hair that frames my perfect chiseled jaw. The man that had muscles that beg flexed with every move that he made.
I still love him
…Tyler POV…
My irritation with myself is growing out of control. I would have thought by now that she would, but an inch of a bit has left my mind, but yet she just grows stronger.
It pains me, even more to think that she is with someone else now. I wanted her to be gone, but now I want her to be back again.
So to my even further annoyance, I came across a picture of her this morning, and I have not to stop staring at it for the past hour. There are parts of me that want to rip it up, but then there are the parts that need to have one more memory left of her.
I cannot help but notice that she is wearing those deep red stilettos on. The things those shoes did to my body, simple, plain shoes.
I can’t do this. I can’t do this to myself. I am slowly driving myself insane. But I can just not get myself to let go.
My gaze lays on the fullness of her lips. I can see those beautiful blue eyes that reflect back into mine. That heat builds up in me once again. It is undeniable that chemistry is still there.
I know that once I kiss her, my resistance will crumble. All I want now, my only desire is to be near her body. I want to feel her lean her body up against mine. I want to lay soft kisses against the delicate skin of her ear, rendering her body weak.
She is like cool raindrops on a hot summer’s day. And I have no more than ever come to realize. That I still needed her in my life.
She has her own vibrance to life, still young and innocent. When she came to me, she was yet still a girl wanting to explore the world, wanting to find herself. Well, not in the greatest of ways possible most of the time. She just wanted to be her.
Her very first innocence, I say, was the first time she smiled at me, and god, let us not forget Britney Spears. It did to drive me insane, but I will admit that it did grow on me after a while. And let us not forget her ability to wear a very severe amount lack of clothes.
She needed somebody to guide her, but I had too many of my own damn demons to fight to realize that I am the one that was supposed to have done that. I lost so much precious time with her.
She will always be that that girl in the wedding dress on the side of the road listening to Britney Spears.
I cannot live without her, I know that now more than ever. Some people come into your life for a short period, while others are destined to stay till the end. She is one of those people that is destined to stay until the end. I wish that I never let her out of my life; she is a perfect representation of all the beautiful things that were in my life. She was the reason behind my persistent smiles and the happy moments in difficult times. I will never love her any lesser. My feelings for her will continue to linger.
I still love Jenna.