“How long do you think you can do this kind of job? What are you, forty-two and with almost every bone in your body broken. What happens when you get hurt so bad you can do nothing but drool on yourself? What will you say about that high-speed guns blazing life you want so bad to go back to then? What will you do with yourself when it’s finally all over, that is if you don’t die?”
Some of her words rang in his head, but he refused to ponder them, “It’s my choice, not yours! Just like whether or not I wanted to be a father!”
She shrugged her right shoulder, “There are numerous sperm banks in the world. You will be no different if that’s what you want.” She stared at him long and hard before she spoke again, “What’s her name?”
The relief of being let off the hook came to a sudden stop. “What?”
She smiled sadly, “What’s her name? When was the first time you saw her? Have you held her, spoken to her? Have you even looked at her?”
Derek stayed quiet, refusing to speak. With each word she spoke, her voice grew passionate. He wasn’t about to have a knife thrown at him just because he said the wrong thing.
But then she suddenly deflated and… were those tears?
“You’ve been in the Company for how long?” she whispered.
He slowly moved to sit on the ottoman, “Since I was twenty-four in intelligence and field work at thirty.”
She nodded, “Twelve years, and I bet you were like a kid on Christmas morning during your first assignment. The thrill, the adventure you loved it all, probably even the kills.”
“No, I don’t like taking anyone’s life. But I will do so if it’s necessary, justified. If it means saving people’s lives then no, I don’t mind killing.”
She brushed the few drops of tears off her face smiling weakly, “I see now. You’re obsessed with being a hero. Heroes die young Derek.”
He’d never seen her cry and he quickly deduced that he hated it. Why was she so emotional?
“I’m middle-aged, so out the window that theory goes.” She snorted in response. “Katarina, how long have you being doing this?”
She shook her head, looking even more deflated, “Too long,” she said just above a whisper.
“Why are you a Black Widow?”
“I’m not, not anymore. I hung Jackie the Ripper’s cape up last night. I’m done with the killing and hiding. I want a normal life. To know how it feels to be happy, to be sad over the small disappointments, to forgive. I would love to be able to forgive and forget. I want to learn how to become a normal human being and deprogram the killer forced into me. When you’ve killed as long as I have Derek, you become less and less of a human and more of a soulless killing machine.”
He scooted closer to her, raising his fingers to her cheek to wipe away the tears, “It looks like you’ve found it, your soul.”
She sighed loud and long, “I was going to give her up you know. Contrary to popular belief I didn’t get pregnant on purpose, but I do want the life Tasha has. If she could have her happily ever after with a son and the man she loved, why couldn’t I? But at first, when I found out I had her inside me, I had this sense of foreboding crushing down on me. You and I weren’t the soft and cuddly type, what would we do with a kid? But I wanted what Tasha had so bad I was ready to do anything for it.”
“I have a new knee to back you up on that.” The man she loved? They always had an insane unexplainable attraction for each other, but he wouldn’t call it love. “Katarina, what happened to you?”
“I pushed a creature out of my body, then held her in my arms. And it was like my heart was under attack. The fortress of ice I had built around it quickly melted and it was like I could finally breathe after years of holding my breath. She gave me freedom and love.” Her solemn eyes flooded with tears burrowed into him, “Is it so wrong that I wanted the same for you too?”
He dropped his head into his hands. He felt like he was drowning in confusion. “We could have just talked, you didn’t have to shoot me.”
“The second I mentioned a baby you would have walked out on me. Anything that endangered your life in the fast lane, your career, you would have gotten it out of the way quickly. I couldn’t risk you slipping something in my drink and inducing a miscarriage or kidnapping her when she was a baby and giving her away, so far away that I wouldn’t be able to find her, and with no one from your family finding out about her existence.”
He clenched his jaw hard, but didn’t raise his head, “I wouldn’t have stolen her from you.”
“Desperate times…” she cleared her throat and shifted in the chair. Derek looked up then. Her face was dry no sign of tears even in her eyes. Her gaze was hard and unwavering as she stared at him. “You can’t go back to the Company and if on some off chance you do, I would suggest watching your own back. I won’t be doing that anymore. I’ll be at home raising our daughter. I would ask that you went back to living in the shadows with minimal contact with your family.”
“You have no right to tell me when I can speak to my family.”
“I do, because they are my family too. You called me selfish, you’re the pot in this equation. You want to live your life the way you want to? Fine, but do it in the way that will keep the rest of us out of harm’s way. I want to be happy for once in my life. Buy a house with a big backyard for Katya and her dog, maybe even a cat. Be a stay at home mom or if I want, get a job that won’t take me away from Katya. And the others deserve to stay happy after all they’ve been through. If I smell a hint of danger coming our way because of you, I’ll cripple you. Do you understand me?”
He nodded. After hearing all her hopes and dreams, the life she desired even craved, how could he not agree to it?
She moved to stand and he helped her up. “Why don’t you stay here tonight, or even a few days?” her raised brow said she couldn’t believe what he was saying. She wasn’t alone in that either. He hadn’t seen her for months and he wasn’t ready for her to disappear again. Actually, in this case, he would be disappearing as soon as his boss called him back. “Rest up, heal up. You don’t want… Katya, to see you so bruised up and wounded. Does she remember you as her mother?”
She swallowed hard and shrugged her bandaged shoulder, “I’ve been gone a long time. Even though I visited as often as I could, I never did stay long enough for her to remember me as her mother.” The dejection in her voice made his heart ache. “But I need to leave. We can’t all three fit in your bed.”
He had to smile at that. Gwen would be finding herself evicted before Katarina shared that bed with her. She didn’t like to share and it surprised him how calm she was about another woman being in his bed.
“I think you know me better than that.”
“Ah,” She nodded as if she’d figured a puzzle out. Pointing behind her she said, “Let me guess, behind that heavy armoire and mirror with its equally heavy old century frame is a secret door leading to another room.”
He grinned widely at her, “I like playing this guessing game with you.” With his hand at her elbow, he led her to the armoire and mirror adjacent to his bedroom. He had another entrance into that room from his ensuite bathroom. It was behind the shower head. His friend at the Company helped him fix it up before he moved in, after Katarina had taken out his knee. There were no written down plans for it and he trusted his friend not to say a word about it.
He pressed a button behind the mirror frame, then pulled Katarina a few steps back as the solid door swung out and open, with the mirror and the armoire.
“Welcome to my weapons slash panic room. I had it installed after a certain someone shot me in the knee.”
She exhaled loudly, “How long do you plan on being a baby about that?”
“When you apologize.”
“Then you’re in for a long wait.”
He chuckled and led her in, “There is a bed, a bathroom, canned food, water, a mini fridge and even a Tv. Not to worry, the room is sound proof.”
She stayed silent as she looked around. Her eyes lingered on his weapons display off one wall, “Aren’t you worried I’ll use this on you?”
She wasn’t teasing. “Why would you do that? I thought we’d reached an agreement?”
“I’m not about to sit in here and listen to you and that woman have sex,” she spat the words out harshly, but not once did she look at him when she spoke them.
She was probably too tired and too injured, that’s why she hadn’t attacked Gwen yet.
“She’ll be leaving first thing in the morning and won’t be coming back, as long as you’re here.”
She didn’t respond, she just kept eyeing the display. He shifted to block her view and force her to look at him. “Katarina, you’ve chosen your path and I’ve chosen to remain on mine.”
She nodded solemnly. She looked so beautiful. She was always so beautiful. She had this lure that he’d never been able to resist, even at that moment.
With his hand on her chin, he tilted her head up as he lowered his head and pressed his lips against hers. So perfect… He lowered his hand to her back and pressed her against him as his lips took hers in a seductive dance. She tasted wonderful like she always did and he loved the feel of her body pressed against his. Another one of his addictions. When she held on tightly to his arms and opened her mouth, he growled his approval. He lowered his hands to her ass and molded them in his grip as he pressed her harder against his erection, plundering her mouth with his tongue.
He wanted her. He needed to be inside her, to have her sate this hunger that only she could inspire and satisfy. He’d been hungry a very long time. Almost two years he hadn’t been inside her and his cock wasn’t going to miss out on this opportunity.
She pulled away, turning her head away, “Derek… no…” she said through heavy breaths.
No wasn’t a word he wanted to hear at that very moment. He kissed her cheek, suckled her neck where her pulse beat until she purred like a kitten and her knees gave under her. He sucked her earlobe as he whispered, “Please. This will be last time we’ll be together. Please don’t deny me, don’t say no. I’m desperate. I’ll even let you shoot me in the other knee and promise not to bitch about it.”
She laughed on a sigh, “What about—”
Before she could finish what she was saying he turned her head around forcefully and kissed her. “Anything broken?” he mumbled against her lips, his hand already unfastening her jeans.
“No. Derek—”
“One to ten, how bad is the pain.”
“None existent in about another minute. I caved and took a pain pill when I was waiting for you to—”
She stiffened, but he was not going to allow her to think of anything else but what they were about to do. He slipped his hand into her open jeans and her panties and slid his finger inside her. He groaned at the same time she sighed against his lips.
“So fucking tight… and wet,” god he was going to cry if she didn’t let him inside her, “Katarina, pozhaluysta!”
“Khorosho, da.”
He cheered, picked her up and rushed for the bed. He could care less about Gwen in his bed in the next room when he was locked in a dance of ecstasy skin to skin with Katarina. He fed off his Prickly Pear, memorizing every delectable part of her and her sweet taste because it would be the last time he ever had her in his arms.