“Tasha.”
She lifted her head and met her sister’s concerned gaze. With a weak smile she said, “Hi Elaine. I didn’t hear you come in.”
“How could you? You were a million miles away. Something you’d like to talk about?”
Talk, talk about what? She barely had memories and her thoughts were all jumbled up in her head. And if her stupid brain kept on crashing she wasn’t going to be left with much of anything. She was on her way to being a drooling cabbage always seated in front of the window watching life pass by her while she wondered about nothing!
She wiped the kitchen countered with more vigor, what she had been doing before the reality of how fast her mind was slipping, froze her in the little thoughts she had left.
Elaine’s hand clamped down on hers, stopping its movements. “I’m all for cleaning counters, but that isn’t going to shine more than it already is.”
Tasha huffed, pulling her hand away and throwing the rag in the sink. She leaned against it, fighting the tears burning her throat as she remembered DJ’s dejected face last night. She should never have left the room. She should have stayed there until everything began making sense again.
“Tasha, turn around. Talk to me.”
“Why?” she croaked.
“Why what?”
She turned then, still leaning against the sink, her head bowed, “Why did that happen? Why did I wake up with no memories, again?”
“Tasha, come here. Take a seat.” She pushed away from the sink, moving to the island and taking a seat opposite her. “I’m sorry that happened, and I’m sorry you feel guilty for hurting DJ like that again. If we weren’t fighting and looking after you. Instead, I would never have let you leave that room without jogging your memory first.”
Tasha looked up at her sister, quickly wiping a tear that was dislodged by the movement, “Why did it happen Elaine?”
She reached across and took her hands in hers, “You remember what happened yesterday?”
Tasha nodded, “And every day before that for the past year—at least for the time being.”
Elaine pinched her finger, “Don’t be morbid. It doesn’t suit you. What do you remember about yesterday?”
Tasha had already gone through that day with DJ that morning before Mike drove him to school. Tom didn’t want her to leave just in case she had another episode. Yeah, he called her sudden loss of memory episodes. In fact, he looked annoyed that she had been able to remember all that she did after hours of DJ speaking nonstop about all they’d done together after her first memory loss.
“I woke up, broke up the normal morning fights, drove DJ to school, came back, cleaned the house, worked on a few things until it was time to pick up DJ.” Her heart beat picked up tempo, “got to the school a—and met…” him. DJ’s father—that is according to her son.
“Who did you meet?” Elaine pressed gently.
Rolling her lips into her mouth, she said, “Him.”
Elaine chuckled, “Who’s him? You’re going to have to say it sooner or later.”
Tasha shot off the stool and made her escape to the living room, “I don’t know who he is! Remember, my memory has taken a hiatus!”
“Say it,” Elaine taunted chasing after her. “You know you want to. I bet you had some serious wet dreams about him. I know I did.”
That pissed her off. Why, she had no idea and was better off thinking about it later when her brain was functioning right. Rounding on her sister, “You are not permitted to have any sort of dream about the father of my son!” Tasha slammed her hand over her mouth.
Elaine smiled indulgently, “See? Now was that so hard to admit?”
Shaking her head she fell onto the couch. “I feel like a spectator, watching my life go by as my past crashes into my present. What is it about him I’m forgetting besides everything?”
“Nothing that I can help you with and everything you need to find out on your own.”
“I’m going to have to meet up with him, don’t I?”
She shrugged, “Only if you want to.”
Tasha sighed, “It’s not really a choice. DJ wants to be with his father.”
She harrumphed, “He’s five. He doesn’t get a vote.”
“He gets a vote and veto power when his mother forgets him.” She held up two fingers. “Not once, but twice in his five years of life.”
God, she’d never felt so ashamed in her life—well she was sure no moment could compare to this even those she couldn’t remember. She wasn’t just ashamed as a mother but as a wife too. DJ wasn’t Tom’s son. And Tom… she didn’t understand what motivated him to do it, but it was selfless of him to claim a child that wasn’t his just to ease her confusion. Having amnesia sucked! But one question did boggle the few brain cells she still had.
“How did this happen, Elaine?”
Her brows wrinkled in confusion, “how did what happen?”
Tasha stood, pacing the carpeted floor. “How did… this man and I end up having a son?”
With a coy smile, “I know you’ve forgotten pretty much everything, but surely… do I have to go over the birds and the bees with you? Do you even know what I mean by the birds and the bees?”
She rolled her eyes and gave her a withering glare. “This isn’t the time for your nonexistent humor.” Tasha stopped and faced her. “Tom and I were married right out of college—that’s a little over eight years ago. DJ just turned five.” Tasha could feel an ulcer in her stomach begin to form. “I had an affair? Is that it?”
Elaine stared at her, her expression blank. Tasha knew her sister wasn’t very affectionate and for some reason she understood that. But sometimes it amazed her how adept she was at hiding her emotions, barely showing any reaction to any news whether good or bad, but this was no time for her poker face.
“Did I cheat on my husband? Tell me!” she shrieked. Elaine seemed to wake up then, her face etched with concern and a little guilt.
“Stay calm, we don’t want you passing out and forgetting everything again. Come, sit.”
Tasha followed the directive, forcing calming breathes into her body. The last thing she wanted was another episode. That only seemed to happen when she felt like she was stressed and under a lot of pressure.
“Tasha, some things just happen.”
She shook her head. That wasn’t reason enough to cheat. “I may not remember who I am, but I refuse to believe I’m disloyal.” She grabbed Elaine’s hand and pleaded. “Please tell me he raped me!”
With a sad smile, “I think you know deep down why I can’t say that.”
Tasha knew alright. A woman’s body doesn’t burn hot as if she’d been held over an inferno of desire for her rapist. She let go of Elaine and dropped her head in her hands with a tortured groan.
“Then I cheated because I wanted to. Because he spoke to my baser instincts.” Did I at least try to fight it?
“Having met the man, I believe that.” Tasha groaned again. “And or because your husband wouldn’t give you the one thing you wanted—a child.”
Her head shot up, “What?”
Elaine shrugged, “I’m just speculating. You’ve been married eight years with just one child who isn’t Tom’s.”
Tasha thought that over. Tom wasn’t exactly the warmest person. She could see him not wanting children. But… “What if he can’t have children?”
“There is nothing wrong with me!”
Tasha jumped at the thunderous declaration, but Elaine as always, cool as a cucumber didn’t even flinch. “Tom! We didn’t hear you come in.”
“I did,” Elaine interjected dispassionately as she stood.
Tasha gazed at her sister and saw the smirk. Ow! The bitch! “You said that last part on purpose, didn’t you?” It was more of a statement than a question because Tasha already knew the answer—Elaine didn’t like Tom one bit and no one was willing to tell her why.
She shrugged then turned fully to face Tasha, “I’m going to be gone for a month and you won’t be able to reach me. Call Mike if you need anything or if you feel sick again.” Call Mike? Yup, her sister, didn’t care for her husband at all. “I’ll say goodbye to brainiac when Mike picks him up from school at the end of the day.” She hugged Tasha and whispered, “Head up, eyes open.”
Stay alive. Why did she just think that?
Elaine pulled away. She turned, took a few steps and stopped in front of Tom at the entryway and stared—or glared at him. Tasha couldn’t see because Elaine’s back was to her, but the scowl, reddening face and clenched fists on Tom’s rigid body made her believe it was a glare as he glared back at her. Then Elaine walked past him, turning slightly so as not to touch him as she went by him and disappeared behind the wall. The opening and closing of the door signaled her departure. Tasha was left alone with an enraged husband and she wasn’t sure how to handle it.
Nervously she rolled her lips into her mouth and began, “Tom…”
“You want to know why you cheated on me? It’s because you are a faithless whore!” he yelled, turned around, rushed to the steps and stomped upstairs. His bedroom door banged shut, echoing in the whole house and inside her chest.
His bedroom door. A room they did not share. She had a son who was not Tom’s. Her son bore the names of his true father. She’d cheated on him and he hated her for it. So why were they still married six years after their relationship clearly broke down?
She fell back onto the couch, cradling her head in her hands as she rubbed her already aching temples.
“What am I missing here?”
****