Jessica was not ready to say goodbye to Dawson no matter how many times the reality dawned on her. From the time of the funeral and burial arrangement to the time of laying his body six feet down underground, she doubted if she ever got herself.
The whole city came out to mourn in one way or another. To them, it was a loss. Dawson was a big business tycoon whom others began to know as a philanthropist who helped struggling businesses in the past.
Xavier even heard testimonies about his grandfather from the mouths of others for the first time. Jessica did not shed a tear for fear of encouraging Xavier to break down through the process. She saw how he tried his best to be strong.
She however did not miss the times he slipped out of bed quietly in the night and only came back once the sun was coming up. She suspected he went to Mount but did not question him because he had every right to mourn the loss of his grandfather.
She was getting to the fourth month of carrying the baby and she was beginning to show a little. Dawson’s funeral was done immediately because Xavier wanted to get it over with and Jessica was forced to go back to her normal life as if someone did not just die.
She made an effort but it was obvious she was struggling so much with it. She pushed herself every day to go to work. To put her mind off the situation she had opened the restaurant earlier than planned.
Xavier did not stop showing her how much he loved her although it was hidden through subtle pain at times. She could understand and she knew she would have been worse at giving attention if she were the one in the shoes. She could barely get her life together and she had known Dawson for less than six months.
“I will pick you up after work,” Xavier said as they sat down to breakfast.
“Are we going on a date?” she asked curious as to why he was picking her up. She found his gestures as the best but she believed the timing was wrong
“It’s been a while, we have barely had time to ourselves ever since Papa died” he mumbled.
“I am feeling a bit tired today can we just reschedule another time?”
“You feel tired? Let’s go to the hospital”
Today Xavier’s voice sounded normal and worried. She heard the hurt behind his voice but it sounded a bit like before the pain came.
“I am fine, I am sure I will be fine after a little more rest in the evening,” she told him.
He stood up and came to stand before her. He turned her in the chair so she could face him. He bent to her level and knelt before her.
“I know the past few months have been tough and I do not want you to understand. I want you to know that I am working on doing better”
“I do not want you to do better”
“What?”
“I want you to share the pain with me”
“Since Dawson died I know you tried your best so I do not feel it but the truth is I want to pass through this pain and stage with you. I also lost Dawson. He was the father and grandfather figure I never had”
He looked at her as she spoke. He saw the hurt in her eyes. It was like nothing he had seen before. The house was quiet and listless. There was barely any sound. All day they were both at work and only came back when they were so tired that all they wanted to do was sleep as soon as they came back. It was as if they were overworking themselves on purpose so they felt no pain.
“The truth is I want to be a part of your entire life. I am in pain so are you. I know you are hurting but so am l. I am sure we can get better if we stay together through the entire process” she continued.
Xavier stood up and made her stand too. He went in for a hug. “It’s how you always know what to say,” he said in her hair.
They stood like that for a few seconds. “You know I read in a book that gloominess is not good for the baby,” Xavier said suddenly.
Jessica pulled away from him and studied his face. “Are you perhaps studying about the baby?” she asked with amusement in her tone.
“Yes why not?” he said with a smug expression on her face.
“You are so cute,” she said and his hand went to her belly.
“Should I not take care of our baby? Do you not like it ” he asked his eyebrow going up.
“I love it,” she said placing a kiss on his lips. He smiled through the kiss and returned it.
“So I hope you are promising to share the pain with me”
“I promise,” he said nodding.
“And not to sneak out in the middle of the night to cry in the other room”
“Wait how do you know that?” he asked in a small laugh.
“I know these things,” she told him and he laughed out loud.
She did not know what she said that was funny but she was glad that he laughed. It was the first time in four months that she had seen him laugh.
“Okay, I promise, no sneaking out to cry by myself,”
“That’s much better,” she said going back to hug him.
“If it is better then let’s go out on a date today” he murmured to her.
“If you insist” she nodded in his chest. “I have so much missed this so very much” she added and he nodded too.
Their physical contact became less and less with each passing day. Each of them was afraid that they were still in mourning and the need to give space to become whole again.
Authors Note.
Hey Readers. My heart goes out to everyone grieving and mourning. I know it can be a loss because it is something I have experienced by myself. Just so you know you are not alone and there are people around you who can help you through the pain.
Although we don’t fully heal we can find joy
Stay Strong ?