JIM…
Dad sat beside me. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. The worry poured off of him like cologne gone bad. As much as I wanted to reassure him, I couldn’t. It still felt like I was dying. The pressure inside me had eased enough that I could breathe, but not by much.
I focused on Grey and Clay. Grey worked with quick efficiency, finishing the small neat stitches needed to close up the first of the three gashes. Clay didn’t move at all, but I could see the glint of his brown eyes from beneath his lowered lids. I wondered if he hurt as much as I did.
A hand swiped gently over his brow, and I shifted my attention to Gabby. She didn’t look at me, her focus completely on Clay. Her fingers smoothed over the skin of his cheek, again and again, giving him what comfort she could.
I wanted that. A Mate to fuss over me. I should have never taken the oath.
The pain, which had been receding, swelled forward again.
I grunted, and Dad gripped my shoulder.
“We can’t take any more loss,” Dad said quietly. “You took the oath. Let thoughts of any other life go.”
The pack. My people. He was right. I needed to think of them. When I did, breathing got easier.
Olivia would never be my Mate. I needed to come to terms with that.
I’m sorry it’s you, Henry sent me, but I’m really glad it isn’t me.
The thought of the pup trying to pursue her set my teeth on edge, and I fought not to growl.
Me too, I sent back.
Henry turned from the box of pizza and frowned at me.
That doesn’t sound like a guy who has given up.
Mom walked back into the room alone. The immediate need to know where she’d left Olivia caused the pain to squeeze to life in my chest. This time I didn’t grunt.
Knowing what worked last time, I focused on Paul and the cubs. The people who needed me the most. The pain eased, and I almost grinned. This was a little like lying to Winifred. Just like Sam said. It wasn’t about not wanting my Mate, it was about distracting myself from acknowledging it.
“Are you all right?” Mom asked, moving to stand in front of me and fussing about my color and the sweat on my forehead.
“I’m fine, Ma.”
She lightly smacked me upside my head.
“Then don’t ever pull that shit again.”
Even Grey stopped what he was doing to turn and look at her.
The angry light left her eyes, and she immediately burst into tears and hugged me tightly.
“I can’t lose anyone else,” she sobbed softly.
I held her close, hating myself for not getting to that clearing faster. Mary hadn’t just been like a second Mom to me. She’d also been a sister to Mom.
“Come on, Charlene,” Dad said, tugging on her arm and loosening her stranglehold on me. “Let’s go to another room for a while.”
She nodded against me, pressed a kiss to my forehead with a warning to behave for once in my life, then left with Dad. I watched them go and noticed that Winifred and Sam still stood near the door. Both watched me closely.
I exhaled heavily and stood.
“I’ll be back,” I said.
“Where are you going?”
“Away from the stares. Don’t worry; I don’t plan on dying today.”
I left the room and went back to the lobby.
Outside, I stood in the falling snow. Each time my mind drifted to Olivia, the pain grew worse. When my mind remained with the pack, the pain lessened. The pack depended on Olivia, though. Not just Olivia but all of the women. According to Bethi, they controlled the fate of the world. As an Elder, how could I not think about them and how each individual impacted that fate?
Just like that, the pain eased further.
I didn’t let the relief distract me from my train of thought because I suddenly understood that thinking about Olivia was essential. Before I’d arrived, Winifred had hinted that Olivia was playing both sides. We needed to understand why. I couldn’t avoid her; the Elders needed to talk to her and discover her intent for the safety of the pack. Anyone associated with Blake—the words Winifred had just said during those first few shocked moments clicked into place, and I growled. No, not just associated with him. My Mate had Claimed—
The sudden crushing pain devastating my insides brought me to my knees in the snow. I didn’t stop, though. I focused my thoughts on Olivia, not only a threat to the pack but a potential Mate to an Elder. That couldn’t be a coincidence. Henry had felt something for her, too. Something strong, according to Grey. Yet, nothing compared to what I felt, what fate wanted me to feel. Why me and not Henry? Why an Elder? There had to be a reason, but what?
All the pain, even the slightest amount, disappeared.
I looked up into the falling snow with a heavy heart, having my answer. Almost the same answer I’d given Henry. Be nice, but don’t trust. The attraction was so I would pay attention to her—close attention—because as an Elder, I would see something no one else would.
Standing, I took a deep breath and went inside to find Olivia. Now that I’d scented her, nothing could cover up her trail. I followed it down the hall, past the room where Winifred once again stitched Clay, to a door next to the room where my dad spoke softly to my mom.
I knocked and waited. When the door opened, I felt no pain as I studied every inch of her face. Deep bruises covered her cheek and colored the skin around her eye. How had I not noticed that?
“You could use some ice,” I said. “I’ll be right back. Leave the door open.”
I grabbed the bag from the hotel’s plastic ice bucket and went to the ice machine without waiting for her answer.
When I returned, Olivia faced the curtained window, as if she could see the parking lot through the material. Her long pale hair hung in a smooth cascade down her back, almost reaching the curve of her butt.
Her stomach growled very faintly, and I did my best to ignore the urge I had to go to her and care for her. Instead, I looked closer. She wore a sweater and leggings. The leggings didn’t hide her trim legs, and the sleeves of the sweater showed her bony wrists.
“Here’s some ice,” I said.
“It’s not necessary.”
“Why? Is the bruise not real? Do you not feel pain?”
“The bruise is real, and it hurts,” she said without turning.
“Then why wouldn’t you want ice for it?”
“Because it doesn’t matter.” A heavy, frustrated breath escaped her, but nothing changed in her scent. Interesting.
“Why doesn’t it matter?” I asked.
“The only thing that matters is the Judgement. Why is no one listening?”
“Maybe because they don’t trust you. It’s hard to believe someone who has Claimed the man responsible for all the misfortune the group has experienced.”
With quiet steps, I moved directly behind her.
“I’ve explained my reason for it.”
“Explain it again,” I said softly. I didn’t miss the way she trembled slightly.
She turned and tipped her face up at me. Her lips drew my attention. An ache grew that had nothing to do with being an Elder. I pushed it aside and gently set the ice against her cheek.
A shaky exhale escaped her.
“I die. Bethi confirmed it. I always die. In order to live long enough to make it possible for us to pass Judgement, I needed to Claim Blake. I was three, maybe four, at the time. He has kept me alive. That’s it, because that’s all that was needed.”
“Are you telling me that Blake doesn’t care about you?” I asked, masking my disbelief.
“No. He does care, but only enough to keep me alive and under his control so that I can complete the purpose he has planned for me.”
I understood what she wasn’t saying, what she wanted me to know. She didn’t care for him. She felt no alliance with him. Was it true? I doubted it.
“You are so beautiful,” I said, leaning closer. Her breath tickled my lips a moment before she turned her head away.
“Don’t,” she said. “You cannot pursue what you feel. Not now.”
I tilted my head and studied her. It wasn’t quite the rejection I’d anticipated and still left me uncertain about her loyalties.
“The Lady knows you’re testing me because you don’t trust me. That none of you do. But, she says you need to trust your heart. It knows more than your head.”
I snorted. The Lady sounded a lot like Winifred.
“Can you blame me for needing to test you?”
“No. And, I know you’re not done yet. That’s fine. Just don’t try to test me like that. It’s too dangerous for all of us. I need to be very careful with all my emotions. Blake is always paying attention.”
Because she’d Claimed him. Because they were now linked. Jealousy burst forward, igniting the pain again. I grunted and bent forward slightly, involuntarily leaning my forehead against her shoulder. Her fingers touched the hair at the back of my head, a light feathering touch that disappeared too quickly.
“She says to stop fighting it. Our only priority can be the protection of our world.”
The Lady was right. I breathed deeply and straightened away from Olivia. She held the ice to her cheek, still facing me with her sightless eyes.
“Your connection to Blake is a risk to that priority. You need to break it.”
Preferably on my neck so I could keep an eye on her. Oddly, the anticipated pain didn’t return.
“I can’t. As much as Blake pays attention to me, I pay attention to him. He’s still on the east coast. When he’s ready to make his move, I’ll know. I’ll feel it.”
“He already has men following, according to Winifred. Why would he need to come here?”
“The Urbat are different from the werewolves. You have Elders and pack leaders. We only ever have one.”
I frowned at her slip. We. She considered herself one of them?
“What do you mean?” I asked, not acknowledging her slip.
“I mean, if Blake is not here when the power shifts, he risks losing his position in the Urbat. He is the leader. The only leader. He doesn’t just want power for the Urbat. He wants it for himself.”
She seemed so sure of that. I reached out and held the fingers of her free hand, slowly leading her toward the bed.
“We know very little about the Urbat. Tell me more.”