OLIVIA…
The steady throb in my cheek helped distract me from the ache in my middle. Winifred’s obvious suspicion and Gabby’s dislike and mistrust shouldn’t have hurt me. I had a lifetime of it, after all. Yet, it did hurt. I belonged nowhere. With no one.
“No, I’m sorry,” Gabby said. “I haven’t been sleeping well and am a bit touchy about them finding us. A friend died because of me.”
“Not because of you,” Clay said.
“You need to stop blaming yourself, little one,” Luke said. “Isabelle doesn’t blame you.”
I could feel their connection, a history that brought them together as a closely-knit group. As much as I wished I could have the same, I knew it was better for everyone that I didn’t.
“I understand, Gabby. There’s no need to apologize.”
I continued my study of the grey swirls outside my window and struggled to keep my memories from pulling me into the past while waiting for Winifred to ask more questions about the Urbat.
“Is there anything you can tell us about them that will help us?” Winifred asked after a moment.
I turned away from the window to focus on her shape.
“Help you to do what?” I asked.
“To keep our people safe.”
Have courage. Tell her the truth, the Lady whispered from the grey.
I struggled to suppress the overwhelming despair that wanted to consume me.
“I’m sorry, but no one will be safe. Individuals change slowly. Even with time, we often resist change. With this Judgement, we will change the world. If we don’t complete the Judgement, the world will burn and everyone will die. If we do complete it, many will still die. There’s nothing that will keep anyone safe.”
“That’s what the Lady told me, too,” Bethi said. “About the world burning, I mean.”
I turned my head and saw the grey wisps of the Others dancing around her reclined form. She still leaned against her Mate, Luke. I envied her that connection.
“Well, in a past dream,” she said. “Not this one, though. We’re all together now. Instead of showing me what we need to do, she showed me one of your past lives. Do you know how many times you were left in the woods to die? I wanted to bitch-slap that last mom. She gave birth to you twice. Both times she took one look at you and brought you to the trees. Same damn spot. Your bones were still there from the first time. I had to feel your loneliness, hunger, and fear twice.”
Those were the very same emotions I struggled not to feel in this lifetime. My stomach growled, as if my body had heard that brief thought and took it as permission to react.
“I’m sorry,” I said, apologizing for the dreams and my stomach.
“When did you last eat?” Winifred asked.
“Several hours ago.” I didn’t clarify that it only had been a few pretzels and a candy bar the day before that.
Winifred bent to grab something. I listened to a slight rustling before she extended her arm toward me. I held out my hand and felt the smooth wrapper around some type of snack bar.
“Thank you,” I said.
“How long was I out this time?” Bethi asked as I unwrapped the food and took a hungry bite.
“Not long,” Luke said. “Maybe thirty minutes.”
She groaned, and he kissed her temple.
I looked out the window again while I chewed. The budding regret, loneliness, and appeased hunger died quickly under my focus.
“Do we know where we’re going yet?” Bethi asked.
“No,” Gabby said. “I’m just trying to keep the Urbat from finding us.”
“When you find somewhere that looks safe,” Bethi said, “we need to stop and talk with the other three Judgements. If what Olivia is saying is true, I want us to make up our minds so we can move on to the Judging part. I’m way past ready to be done with this crap.”
A small, neglected part of me cowered at the thought of making the final decision. Yet, I understood better than the rest the need for one. And, the faster, the better.
I swallowed my bite of the snack bar and quietly took another.
HENRY…
Dad sat in the back with Aden while Liam and I took up the middle seat. Paul sat in front with Jim, who drove in a tense silence, likely communicating with the other Elders about where we needed to go next. Wherever they wanted us to go, I hoped getting there wouldn’t take too long.
Grief still clawed at my insides, threatening to rip apart my composure. I couldn’t let that happen. Not with Liam sitting next to me. The way Paul bounced his knee told me he was barely holding it together, too.
How could they just kill Mom like that? A female, no matter what age, mattered. Females were supposed to be protected at all costs. All werewolves knew that. Yet, the males who’d killed her weren’t werewolves. My hatred for the Urbat boiled just beneath the surface of my skin, where I felt the change ripple. I swallowed hard, struggling to maintain my hold on the shift.
Liam reached out, his little hand closing around my fingers. He didn’t say anything, just leaned against me, seeking comfort. The change receded, and I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and pulled him close.
I wanted to tell him everything would be okay, that the Urbat wouldn’t find us again, but I didn’t think it would be true. Not anymore. The fact that Jim hadn’t tried to reassure us meant he felt the same uncertainty. What hope did we have when the Elders didn’t even believe we’d pull through this? I thought of Gabby and hoped the others were doing better than we were. That everything they’d done had served its purpose. Otherwise, what was the point of telling the humans about our existence?
I’m so sorry, Henry. Mom’s voice echoed in my mind. Find a mate and be happy.
I didn’t see how either of those things would be possible now. And, not just because of Mom’s death. In the days since the revelation of the existence of werewolves and Urbat, the world had changed drastically. Any smart, unmated female would hide deep in the woods, away from all men. What future could any male offer a female at this point? A life of running and hiding? A life that would end in a tragic death under the branches of an old tree?
Facing the window, I tried to stop thinking about Mom and all the times she’d kissed me or hugged me. The times she’d yelled at me for doing something stupid. The way she’d watched me when she thought I wasn’t looking.
Be happy.
The harder I tried not to think about her, the more the memories pushed their way to the surface. Even at her angriest with him, no one could have ever doubted Mom’s love for Dad. Or his love for her. Every male craved a mate. The need seemed embedded in our very bones. And, that need warred with fear. Against everything I was raised to think and believe, I hoped I wouldn’t find a mate like Mom had told me to.
“I hear you,” Jim said, startling me. Had I accidently sent him my thoughts? I still wasn’t used to the idea of Jim being an Elder.
“When did you last eat, little man?” he asked, using the mirror to glance not at me but Aden.
“I dunno,” the cub said in a subdued tone. His stomach growled loudly, and I realized that was what Jim had heard.
“We’d missed lunch,” I said.
“We need to drive a little longer, but I’ll stop and get you something as soon as we can. What about you, Liam? Ready for a burger?”
“No, thank you.” Liam’s sad voice stirred my clawing grief again.
“I know you’re sad, buddy, but your Aunt Mary wouldn’t want you to be. She loved you, all of you, very much. Seeing you sad would have made her sad.”
Jim’s words, meant to help, only made me hurt more.
Liam nodded against me, acknowledging Jim but remaining silent. His response, however, reminded me that his and Aden’s young lives had a lot more grief in them than mine. Even now. Paul and I both knew their history. Abused and alone, with only Michelle for company, they’d escaped and found Emmitt. They’d only had a few months of peace before everything went to hell for them again.
Mom, Dad, and the rest had tried shielding the cubs from what was happening. But those boys were smart. Their fear told me they understood more than the adults wanted them to.
I tightened my hold on Liam, hugging him close.
“Don’t fear what might happen. Fear stops us from living,” I said softly. “And Mom wants us all to live.”
I put aside my fear of finding a mate and focused on the drive. We’d passed several towns since Jim “acquired” the rusted minivan. Traffic picked up as the sun hovered just over the tree line. If the mutts weren’t already tailing us, I doubted they’d be able to pick up our trail anymore.
Jim drove straight through town and turned into the drive-through of a fast food place.
“Listen close, Aden,” he said, rolling down his window.
“Hello. My name is Ashley. Can I take your order?”
“Hi, Ashley. I’d like twenty-three cheeseburgers.”
A moment of silence greeted his order.
“Did you say twenty-three cheeseburgers?” the woman asked.
Aden giggled from the back.
“Yes, ma’am. You better make that twenty-six. I’m pretty hungry. Four teas. Sweet, if you have it. And twelve regular fries.”
“Um…that’s going to take us a few minutes.”
“Then, I better order two ice cream cones to hold us over while we wait.”
“Uh, okay.”
Paul shook his head, grinning slightly. I couldn’t help but grin, too. No doubt Jim’s order had sent the kitchen into a state of panic.
She gave him his total, and when he pulled ahead to pay, she had the two cones ready. He turned in his seat and held up the first cone for Paul’s inspection.
“I don’t know…” Jim said. “Liam’s not that hungry, and this seems like a lot.” He opened his mouth and devoured the top of the cone in a single bite before handing it back to an open-mouthed Liam.
“What about you, Aiden? You hungry?”
“Yes!”
Jim chuckled and handed the cone back without taking any.
The fear that had flooded the vehicle dissipated enough that the scent of Dad’s sorrow became clear. My humor fled, and I turned in my seat to look back at him as he helped Aden turn his cone.
“I’m fine, Henry,” Dad said softly, without looking up at me. “Not all sorrow is bad.”
I didn’t see how that could be true, but didn’t argue. Jim pulled ahead to a spot to wait for the food and started teasing Liam about eating the rest of his cone.
“Do we know where we’re going yet?” I asked.
“Nah,” he said. “We’re going to wing it for a bit. A road trip, right Liam?”
The boy nodded and crunched into the top part of his cone.
Seriously, I sent Jim. Where are we going?
We’re headed toward Salt Lake. Big city so we can disappear until we’re ready.
Jim’s gaze shifted from Liam to me.
I am sorry about your mom.
I know. I didn’t blame Jim for arriving too late. The blame lay with the Urbat and their crazy-ass leader, Blake. The same lunatic who’d held Michelle and her brothers for years.
When we find Blake, we’ll make him pay for what happened.
That we will, Jim sent back grimly.