Was that why she was upset? Because she couldn’t feel anything from me? I let what I felt for her slip past the wall for just a moment. All my need, physical, mental, and emotional for her poured out of me.
Her mouth opened in shock, and her pupils dilated, feeding my hunger for her. The strength she always seemed to have melted from her knees, and she started to fold. I wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her flush against me. She continued to meet my gaze as the scent of her increasing desire ensnared me.
Had she been waiting for me? To know what I felt? I wanted to give her everything, but held back.
“All of what I feel would frighten you,” I said, instead.
She shivered in my arms and pressed closer. Her hand skimmed up my chest to my shoulder as she turned her head and breathed in. Her mouth was so close to my neck. The tip of her nose trailed a path down the column of my throat as she nuzzled me. I shuddered and groaned, hoping and waiting for the feel of her blunt teeth on my skin.
“Isabelle.”
I was so close to giving into her. To letting her feel everything.
Son, we need to keep moving.
Anger pushed heavily against the wall at the interruption. As much as I wanted to continue, I also knew now wasn’t the time. I needed to get her alone. Reluctantly, I closed myself off again. Isabelle stiffened in my arms, and the scent of her anger swamped us.
The boy was right. She really didn’t like not knowing what I felt.
We’ll be right there, I sent Grey.
I gently kissed her ear and stepped away, hoping what I’d just released hadn’t been enough to require another spar. Her gaze held mine for a long moment. Then with a toss of her hair, she stomped back toward the vehicles.
Within minutes we were back to riding in silence.
From our position near the cars, I couldn’t be sure if that went well, Winifred sent me.
I’m not sure if it did, myself.
Holding back seemed to upset Isabelle, but I didn’t understand why. Even the boy had said I was the only one she could truly relax around. Why would she want to feel what I felt when what everyone else felt overwhelmed her?
When we reached the hotel, Isabelle abandoned Ethan to stand beside Bethi. The boy gave Isabelle a look but kept quiet as we waited for Michelle and Emmitt to check in and return with our room keys.
As we waited, minor signs gave away Isabelle’s increasing tension. I watched her shift her weight from foot to foot and roll her left shoulder. The moves were infrequent and small, but they were there. When Emmitt and Michelle started their way back to us, Isabelle’s attention became hyper focused on them.
“I need a separate room,” she said before Michelle could hand out the first room card.
I stared at her, fighting a wave of irritation. I wasn’t foolish enough to think she wanted a room completely alone or with me. She meant her and the boy.
Michelle glanced at the Elders.
“Why?” Winifred asked.
“I’m going to pass out if I have to keep sparring at this rate. I need more isolation.”
“She’s right,” Bethi said. “She can’t help herself. Isolation protects her.”
And the reason behind Isabelle’s request for Bethi’s support became clear.
Winifred glanced at Grey. Grey looked at the ground.
I’m sorry, son. We can think of no reason to deny her request. We’ll keep her close for safety, though.
“Emmitt, will you check to see if they have another room?” Winifred asked.
Emmitt left and returned a short while later with another room card, which he handed to Isabelle.
“Thank you. If it’s all right, I’ll just keep to my room.” She grabbed Ethan’s hand and pulled him off toward the hotel.
Everyone looked at me. What did they want from me? She’d just politely spit in my face. I wasn’t going to talk about how much it upset me. Without acknowledging them, I started for the hotel and followed Isabelle’s and Ethan’s scents to their room. Outside the door, I heard them talking.
“Z, what happened out there?” the boy asked.
“He opened himself and let me feel just one emotion. It was too much. It burrowed under my skin, and I felt what he felt. It was like it was my own emotion. I couldn’t tell the difference.”
My stomach soured. Her response hadn’t been her own. She’d only reacted to what I’d felt. My jaw clenched and my fists tightened. In the hall, I started to shake.
“What did he feel, Z?”
There was a momentary pause.
“God, he wants me.”
“Lots of guys have wanted you, but you typically don’t kick their butts for it. You really laid into him, Z. You were nicer to Brick.”
It almost sounded like he was defending me.
“I was so mad. At the car ride. At the people chasing us. At this dumb trip. At him for being so damn nothing all the time. I thought coming with them to see if I could get rid of this thing I do was a good idea, but maybe it’s not. I just want to go.”
Leave? The trembling grew worse, and the need to shift pushed at me.
“Staying is the right decision for now,” Ethan said. “You’re just afraid.”
“What?”
Even through the door, I could hear the disbelief and anger in that one word.
“Carlos made you feel something you didn’t want to feel, right? It freaked you out.” Silence met his words. “Do you need to spar again or are you feeling all right?” he asked.
“I’m good. Bored after the long drive, but good.”
“What do you want to do?”
“Let’s just watch some TV.”
“Sounds good to me.”
I need you to keep an eye on her, I sent Grey. I need to be alone.
I didn’t wait for Grey to join me but walked to the back exit. Cars were parked in the back parking lot, and cameras surveyed the area. I walked across the blacktop and stepped over the curb onto the grassy area that separated the hotel from another business. Three buildings over, I found a spot without cameras or people and laid into a dumpster. The steel buckled under my blows.
Did she really feel nothing for me? Nothing but anger, resentment, and fear? My heart ached and my wall started to crumble against the emotion I was trying to hold back.
A thread of worry wormed its way into my mind.
I stopped hitting, closed my eyes, and focused on pulling everything back in.
“I don’t like when you do that,” Grey said, not far from me. “That dumpster hasn’t learned its lesson. You should keep going.”
“You’re supposed to be watching her,” I said, ignoring his comment.
“Luke and Bethi are keeping an eye on the door from a distance. I’m more worried about you.”
“I made sure there were no cameras.”
“Not that.”
A scrap of gravel came from my right, and I knew he stood beside me. When I looked at him, concern filled his gaze.
“I’m fine.”
“That’s what Thomas said when Charlene gave him a hard time in the beginning. They all do, you know. Give the males a hard time. It’s the dance of courtship. She’ll come around.”
“I wish I would have taken the oath,” I said. “This wouldn’t be an issue.” Her hating me. Emotional outbursts that threatened the wellbeing of my sister. All of it.
Grey shook his head.
“No. Likely you would have seen her and died because after seeing your reaction, there would have been no holding that back.”
“Sam held back what he felt for Winifred.” Grey had told me the story, himself.
“That’s different. He wasn’t an Elder when he saw her. It was her life at risk if he pursued her. Not his. Don’t wish this away, son. It’s not going to be easy. It’s not supposed to be. The things you fight for are the most worthwhile.”
But how long would I need to fight for her? She seemed ready to fight me forever.
“Now let’s go back,” Grey said. “Jim is trying to convince Winifred to let him pick up some takeout from somewhere. Gabby’s reporting Urbat nearby, and Jim isn’t taking no for an answer because you were allowed to leave.”
“I thought this place was clear,” I said, following Grey back to the hotel.
“This area has been searched. It doesn’t mean they’re out of the city.”
We stopped at a snack machine on our floor and cleared it out to distribute to everyone. Everyone but Isabelle and Ethan, who remained closed in their room all evening.
Grey watched TV and did his best impression of unconcerned relaxation while I read. None of the words carried any meaning, no matter how long I stared at them. I couldn’t stop thinking about Isabelle and Ethan in a room together. Imagining them under the covers, legs intertwined.
When I realized the bed was shaking, I closed my eyes and focused on pulling the shift back. Once I stopped, I tried reading again, only to repeat the process when my thoughts went right back to the pair of them together. Alone.
Around midnight, Grey turned off the TV and sighed loudly in an over-exaggerated way.
I set my book down and looked at him.
“We’ve been talking.”
I knew he meant the Elders.
“We think that you’re right. We need to talk to the boy. Since she was so quick to hide in their room, we’ll convince him to ride separately from her tomorrow. Perhaps if you drive, you would be calm enough to try to talk to her again.”
I hated the way my stomach clenched at the idea of spending time alone with her. If only her reaction to me in that field had been real.