My frustration with the day nearly boiled over as I watched Charlene cook dinner. I struggled to keep it in check. The last thing I wanted was for Charlene to feel it through our link. How could the day have gone so wrong? Waking up in her arms had been wonderful. However, nothing since then had gone well.
After eating a quick breakfast while totally ignoring my existence, Charlene had done everything she could to avoid me. The only thing she didn’t do was hide in her room. She should have. It would have been easier than listening to the questions she asked Leif and Ann about their lives in the woods. Where had they lived? What had they eaten? How had they kept warm in the winter? What was the worst part of the whole experience?
I understood why she asked those questions. She wanted to know what we could do to make sanctuary a better shelter. But, what I felt pouring through our link was killing me.
Her extreme worry bordered on fear. I wanted to soothe her, reassure her, and put my hand over her mouth to silence the questions that resulted in upsetting answers. Instead, I worked on being patient. Throughout the day, I had tried distracting myself with my pack leader responsibilities.
Now, I watched her closely as I counted down the time until we’d be alone. I needed her in my arms to soothe my agitation. I needed dinner to be over.
Come eat, I sent out to the nearby pack members.
The door immediately opened, and they started coming in. Each male respectfully picked up a plate, held it out for a portion of food, then took a seat. Except Anton.
As Charlene scooped food onto his plate, his nostrils flared.
“Claimed?” he asked her.
“So I’ve been told,” she said, handing him back his plate.
He glanced at me then turned to face her again.
“Normally, I’d say congratulations. But I think you’ll need luck instead.”
I wanted to beat the pup. His helpfulness since returning was the only thing keeping me still. After Anton moved to take his seat, I started toward Charlene. None of the remaining males questioned her as I stood behind her, and the embarrassment she felt had disappeared when I’d set my hands lightly on her shoulders.
She handed me a large portion on a single plate and two forks. Sitting together, we shared the meal and listened to the quiet conversation around us. It should have been a content moment. But her worry still lingered.
When everyone was finished and the plates sat next to the sink, I went outside. Gregory joined me for a brief run. We circled the area around the buildings four times, then shifted and dressed again.
“It gets easier,” he said.
“It does?”
“Yeah. There seems to be a pattern to what females feel. One emotion tends to always follow another.”
“Like what?”
“Never let your female get too hungry. Anger always follows that. Like a badger kind of angry. It’s not pretty.”
I grinned. “I’ll keep that in mind, but I think that might just be something our females experience.”
He snorted as I walked inside through the front of the building. Instead of joining Charlene in the main room, I went to her room and watched the sun start its descent behind the trees.
It wasn’t until I felt her coming closer that her nervousness and worry began to increase to fear again. Rubbing the back of my neck, I moved to light the lamp so I wouldn’t startle her then returned to the window.
The door opened behind me, and I felt her startled surprise.
“Excitement was the best thing I felt from you today,” I said without turning. “Your fear and constant worry…” I sighed and turned to look at her. “I will do everything in my power to turn this place into a safe home for you.”
I crossed the room and wrapped my arms around her like I’d wanted to do all day. She leaned into me, her cheek pressed against my chest. Slowly, her fear and worry faded to nothing and she wrapped her arms around my waist.
I loved her. She wasn’t ready for it, but she had it. Complete and enduring. Nothing would change the way she made me feel. But so much could change the way she felt about me. The uncertainty of where we stood made me desperately want to complete our bond.
A wisp of her fear touched my mind again as she dropped her arms. I didn’t give up my hold.
“Your fear is torture.” I smoothed my hand down her back. “Will you tell me, is it me? The thought of losing this place? I can’t fix what I don’t know,” I said, leaning back to study her.
“All of it and more. If you think my fear is torture, the things you feel when you look at me… I’m struggling with my own feelings. I can’t deal with yours, too. Everything is more confusing now than it was before. I don’t know what to do. What’s safe? Will you keep your word and leave me be? When the other’s return, will they agree with the Claim I unintentionally made?”
“I can’t help what I feel for you, and I won’t apologize for it. My hope is that someday you’ll feel the same for me. Until that happens, I’ll wait. I’d like to continue sleeping in your room beside you, but nothing more. Will you allow me that much?”
She hesitated for a long moment. I could feel her indecision before it cleared.
“Yes, you can sleep by me.”
I smiled, reached out to touch her cheek, then flooded her with comfort before I left her to change. She didn’t make much noise as I waited in the hall, but I heard the moment she crawled beneath the covers.
Another thread of nervousness touched my mind as she called out that I could come back. I didn’t know how else to reassure her that I would keep my word.
I opened the door and blew out the lamp before sitting on the bed beside her.
Her heart raced, and I gently smoothed her hair.
“So much fear because of so little trust,” I said.
“Trust has to be earned,” she said softly. “If you recall, you bit me.”
“Only because you allowed it,” I said, frowning. Did she really not trust me because of that?
She snorted. “As if I had a choice. I knew you wouldn’t leave it alone.”
“I’m sorry I hurt you, but I’m glad I didn’t leave it alone.” I lay beside her, resting an arm over her stomach.
“Go to sleep, Charlene.”
I hid my annoyance as she drifted off to sleep. Of everyone here, I was the one she should trust the most. Instead she seemed to trust Winifred and Anton over me. I struggled with my growing anger and frustration. What more did I need to do to prove myself to her?
It took a long while to fall asleep. Troubled dreams woke me and I realized they were hers and not mine. Her heart raced. The rapid, thin sound worried me. She was so human. So fragile.
Setting my head on her chest, I ran my fingers through her hair and sent comfort and love to her over our link. Gradually, the emotions from the dream faded, and her rapid pulse slowed.
Twice more, her dreams woke me. I comforted her and held her closer. The third time, she immediately woke and started to push at me and kick off the covers.
“Shh. It’s all right,” I said, moving away a bit.
“What were you doing?” Charlene asked, settling down.
I touched her hair and laid my head back on her chest. It still beat too hard. I tilted my head so I could see her face.
“Listening to your heart.”
She was quiet for a moment before she asked why.
“Sometimes, when you dream, your pulse races; and it sounds so fragile. I don’t like it. I whisper to you until it calms.”
“Don’t you sleep?”
“I do. Not very much, though.”
She relaxed and closed her eyes. She looked so beautiful. I moved my fingers from her hair to gently trace the curve of her jaw.
“Am I allowed to kiss you?”
“No.”
Her abrupt answer made me grin because there was no fear with it.
“Sleep well, Charlene.”
“Stop staring at me, and I will.”
I laughed silently, and she grinned but didn’t open her eyes. Eventually, she slept again.
****
I cracked the eggs into the pot and grinned as Gregory silently called me every foul thing he could think of. It was a long list. None of it bothered me, though. I knew he was only sore because he hadn’t thought to do the same thing for Mary that I’d just done for Charlene.
Since she loved Winifred’s eggs so much and was trying to pen the pheasants, I’d run the marsh early to find three precious fresh eggs. I was trying to make sure today wouldn’t be like yesterday.
First the eggs, then something to keep us busy. If she didn’t have any ideas, I’d come up with something more interesting than walking in the woods.
Mary sighed loudly and took another bite of her oatmeal while Gregory invented new names to call me.
I felt Charlene wake and didn’t have to wait long for her to join us.
“Tomorrow, you wake up first,” Mary said to Gregory when Charlene walked past the table.
“Good morning,” I said as she peeked over my shoulder and saw the eggs and onions. It wasn’t much. Enough for two humans.
“Where did you find eggs?”
“I went to the marsh this morning,” I said, scooping some onto a plate. “For you.” I handed her the plate.
She went to the table and I scraped the rest onto my plate and joined her.
“What does everyone have planned for today?” she asked, taking her first bite. I could feel her joy and amusement as Mary watched her eat.
“Bine took his things and walked into town after Winifred left,” I said, trying to remember what Charlene already knew. “That leaves Zerek in the workroom, creating more window coverings, and the rest went to see if the man at the yard needed more help. What needs to be done around here?”
After I spoke, I realized I’d said the wrong name but didn’t think either Charlene or Hem would care.
“Well…”
I could see her consider our options.
“If Leif has time, maybe he can show us what to collect to make baskets. While we’re out there, we could weed the garden and get a really good look at what we have.”
“I’ll talk to Leif while you finish eating,” Gregory said, standing. He left the oatmeal untouched in his bowl.
“We’ll leave for the marsh when you return,” I said, trying not to grin. He was probably going out to hunt. A peace offering to Mary most likely.