PETER VISIT MY condo to take me to work every day. Since my stomach is not very obvious yet, working at Collins Corporation is just an ordinary day.
He also regularly brings me fruits that I strongly reject, but he often makes excuses for my baby and not for me.
Sometimes that’s what I get to eat when I crave food. Even late at night, I call him just to buy me fries at the fast-food chain. But he always refuses because I do not seem to get any nutrients there.
But I insist, if he does not give me what I want, I cried on the cellphone so that he can buy me what I want. But more often, I lose my appetite when the food is in front of me.
Like today, I called him late at night for a box of pizza. But because it lasted so long, I lost the urge to eat them.
“I’m sorry.” I laugh and nudge my shoulders. I sat down next to him while he was leaning on the couch. His eyes were also tightly closed as he squeezed his temple slightly.
“Hey …” I stabbed his side and then laughed out loud, but what I did seemed not to affect him.
“Okay, fine,” I said before standing up. But he extended his tender white hand to gripped my hand while his strong fingers close to mine.
My heart thumped rapidly. I look at him.
“Where do you think you’re going?” His entire expression is turning warm and menacing.
I swallowed hard because of the way he looked at me. Wait, is he drunk? I noticed the redness of his neck, as well as the puffiness of his eyes.
“Are you drunk?”
Instead of answering, he pulled my hand, causing me to lose my balance. And the last thing I knew, I was sitting right next to him.
“Tell me, what do you want? And I’ll buy it for you,” he mumbled under his breath.
His question hit me like an electric shock to my fingers. I was slightly astonished by his sudden movement.
“No, I don’t want anything anymore.” I let out a heavy breath before I stand up.
He sighed deeply. “So, I’ll better be going.” He stood up and prepared to leave.
I lowered my eyelids to cover the guilt in my eyes. I suddenly felt ashamed for what I did. It’s not right for me to disturb him in sleep just to buy me what I wanted. It is also not right for me to act like he has responsibility for me.
“No, wait! I mean, you could rest first. I’ll just make some coffee for you.” I said before I left him and go to the kitchen.
I came back with a cup of coffee and milk for myself. But I caught him sleeping on the sofa bed. I sighed as I watched him. His breathing was long and heavy, and I think he had already fallen asleep.
I knelt next to him to take off his shoes gently. I stayed in that position for a while and observed him.
I can’t deny his strong features. He has an extraordinarily handsome face. His dazzling features unexpectedly contained a hint of warmth into both my cheeks if truth be told, yeah! He’s definitely a material boyfriend. I can’t help but ask myself sometimes, why is he not the one whom I love?
I shook my head and smoothly ran my fingers through his dark brown hair. I lean closer and whisper to his ear. “I’m sorry for taking you for granted. Believe me. I don’t want to do this to you.”
I didn’t notice that there’s only a small gap between us until his eyes open and quickly lit up as he looked at me intently.
“Are you enjoying the view?” he says in a calm voice.
I could not answer immediately. My heart raced. I fucking wanted to find a crack into the ground and go in.
“Uh, I’m sorry … I thought you were asleep,” I mumbled and tried to look away.
His warm fingers moved to my face and caressed it lightly. So I found myself not wanting to look away from him.
“Peter,” I whispered, but I did not even hear my voice.
A teasing look appeared in Peter’s eyes. He tilted to lie down while freely caressing my cold cheek.
“Why are you so damn perfect?” he asks softly.
I couldn’t help but smile and shake. “Your coffee is ready. You better drink it while it’s still hot.”
He remained silent and just stared at me. Suddenly I felt awkward. The mood in the room became increasingly more inexplicable.
When Peter straightened, his gaze fell onto my lips. I was looking up at him with wide eyes.
“Can I kiss you?”
I could not move because of what I heard. Then he leaned and kissed my lips. My heartbeat was so fast. I could barely keep count and causing my body to flush with heat.
His tongue expertly explored my mouth. I could do nothing but cling to his T-shirt. As its two arms traveled behind me, gently but firmly, wrapped around my back.
His lips felt so gentle and warm. My brain stops functioning, and I do not know how to react. My grip on his T-shirt tightened even more.
He moved his mouth slightly away from me and blew out a breath. “Damn,” he cursed.
I slowly removed my hand from him. I got up and repositioned myself. With both palms, he quickly wiped his face.
“Look, I’m sorry, I just couldn’t help myself,” he said in a low tone.
I sighed and averted my eyes. “I’ll be a hypocrite if I say it does not matter to me.”
The room became silent. My heart soared, witnessing the wretched state Peter had fallen into. But if I did do this, he might just be more hopeful.
His jaw tense. The entire room filled the tension more since he had no response.
“I think it’s time for me to go home,” he finally said after a beat of silence.
I bent down and turned the cup of coffee. “Drink your coffee first.”
He glanced at his wristwatch before taking the cup of coffee and swallowing it straight.
I watched him silently while standing in front of him. He glanced at me for a moment before lowering the cup he was holding.
“Won’t you drink your milk?” he asked and remained expressionless.
I nodded and sat down next to him to drink the milk that was not too hot. He looked at his wristwatch, so I couldn’t stop talking.
“Uh, Peter?” I looked up at my side. He put down the cup of coffee first before glancing at me.
“You could sleep here, either? Besides, it’s late, and you still have a long way to go home,” I offered.
I noticed that he has been preventing drowsiness for a while. I can’t help but worry about it in case he falls asleep on the road while driving.
“No, I can still drive home,” he refused.
I shook my head. “But you’re drunk,” I insist.
“Aren’t you afraid that I might do something bad to you?” he teasingly said.
I was speechless, especially when I saw his lips rise and a mischievous smile played on me.
“Just kidding, I’m just sleeping here on the couch,” he said before massaging his neck.
I creased my brows. “I have a guest room. You just sleep there,” I suggested, and he just nods.
I delivered him to the other door and brought him a clean blanket and pillow.
“Sorry, you must have been tired,” he utter. I smiled as I fixed the pillow.
“You’re my guest. It’s natural for me to take care of you. You gave me a favor, you, so I just have to do it,” I said. I stood at the end of the bed when I finished what I was doing.
“Thanks, rest well,” he said after getting ready for bed.
“Goodnight, Margaux,” he softly said.
“Uh, goodnight.” For the last time, I glanced at him before turning around.
When I reach for my bed, my body still awake. I know even if he doesn’t say it, I know he’s hurting. I want to blame myself for letting him into my life. Even though I knew I would only hurt him in the end.
I slept with so many questions in my mind that I wasn’t able to give a single answer.