Liam must’ve felt the weight of my stare because he lifted his eyes to mine. They were so very dark and rimmed with red. Had he cried or was it just the mark of fatigue? Probably fatigue. Why would Liam cry over someone he’d loathed?
Ness? His unwelcome voice prickled my skull.
I lowered my gaze to my uncle, who was pressing his palm against the swathed remains of his son.
Please look at me.
I didn’t.
Please, baby. Look at me.
Baby? That got my attention. I glared at him.
I deserve that.
He deserved so much worse than a glare.
I deduced from his apologetic demeanor that Cole had uncovered something from Everest’s phone.
Eric started with the ritualistic singing that accompanied our people’s departure from this world, so Liam didn’t try to communicate with me again. I didn’t shed a single tear as Everest was lowered into the dug-out hole. I didn’t whimper as his remains were filmed with soil. I didn’t make a single sound while the dirt rained down on the pale linen. I watched with dry eyes and a dry throat until the very last scoop fell over him, and then I watched as Jeb patted the soft mound as though tucking his son in for the very last time.
When people headed into Headquarters for the wake, I stepped away from the women holding me up and approached the one who’d always pushed me down.
“I’m sorry he died.” My voice was toneless.
Lucy stopped heaving and turned her reddened hazel eyes on mine.
“I always liked Everest. Even after he double-crossed me, I wanted him to live.”
She stared at me for a long moment without speaking, and then she started yelling. “It’s because of you that he’s dead! You! You ruined our lives!” She jumped to her feet and began pummeling her fists into my chest, her bangles clinking furiously. “We should’ve left you to rot in that foul apartment. We should never have brought you back!”
Her blows didn’t hurt. My chest was too numb to hurt. Besides, it wasn’t my fault that Everest had died; it was his own fault. I didn’t bat her hands away. I didn’t much care for the blows she rained on me. August and Nelson must’ve cared though, because they each grabbed a freckled arm. And then Jeb was shrieking at her, spittle smacking his wife’s nose.
She sneered at him. “I hope you die! All of you. Your species is unnatural and should be eradicated.” She spit on Jeb.
August and Nelson hauled Lucy back and then dragged her around the building. Would they lock her up underneath the silver grate? I didn’t care what happened to my aunt. She was too miserable a woman.
Ness? Liam’s minty scent wafted over my shoulder and snaked into me, burying deep.
Slowly, I turned and faced my Alpha. The pain on his face didn’t soften my resolve to keep him away.
“What?” I asked jadedly.
I’m sorry for not believing you.
I pressed my lips tight.
Cole managed to track where the message was sent from through the Wi-Fi that was used, and it wasn’t from your phone. Wasn’t even from Boulder.
I was relieved to have been cleared, but the pain of the hasty condemnation remained. “Why is it, Liam, that I am I not allowed the trust you give others in the pack so freely? Because I’m new? Because I haven’t earned it? What exactly must I do to earn it?” Breaths broke like waves around my clenched teeth. “I would never have undermined you, Liam. And not because of any exchange of blood, but because when I give my word to someone, I uphold it. I have a lot of flaws. I’m the first person to admit how stubborn and argumentative I can be, and I’ve spoken my fair share of lies. I’m far from being an angel.”
Liam’s black pupils pulsed and pulsed.
“But I’ve always prided myself on being a good person-a reliable and loyal one. I have never betrayed anyone in my entire life. And I wouldn’t have started with the pack I’ve coveted for so long, or the boy”-my voice broke-“or the boy who… who… ouldn’t finish my sentence. It hurt too damn much.
Liam winced.
The tears that hadn’t come for Everest finally surfaced. I scrubbed them away, but they wouldn’t stop dripping. I took a step back, and then another. Liam didn’t move. He just stayed there, legs planted like tree trunks into the earth.
I spun around. Instead of heading toward Headquarters, I headed for the road and started walking.
And walking.
Evelyn called my name, but I didn’t stop.
I walked until the sky grew so dark that all the stars came out. And under this shower of light, upon blistered feet, I made my way down the miles and miles of sinuous dirt road.
I was like a hermit crab when I grieved, balled up tight within my shell. I wasn’t even sure if I was grieving for my cousin or for my broken heart.
It was the first time a guy had broken it. Mom used to say that I needed my heart to be broken to know when the right man came along. She said the right one would fit all the pieces together and would fill all the fissures with his love to make sure it never cracked again.
Who’s going to put your heart back together now that Daddy’s gone? I’d asked her.
Her blue eyes gentled, and she gathered me against her side on our ratty denim couch that had been patched many times over. Your dad didn’t break my heart, Ness. He left with half of it.
Car tires crunched on the road next to me, spraying tiny rocks into my ankles. “Ness, get in the car.”
I stared at the luminous shapes the twin beams cast on the shrubs lining the road.
“It’ll take you hours to reach town.”
“I’m not in any rush, August.”
For the first time in years, my agenda was empty. Sure, I’d need to look for a job, but I wouldn’t have to do that tomorrow.
Tomorrow I could sleep in.
I could stare at my ceiling.
Or watch TV.
Or lunch with Sarah in the middle of the afternoon.
After the grief and stress of the last few days, I felt like I could finally breathe again. Which was strange considering Creeks might be in Boulder and a man who deserved to perish was still alive and Everest was dead.
“By God, Dimples, you’re as stubborn as when you were a kid.”
I smirked, flicking my gaze to August. It felt good to sport an expression that wasn’t incensed or weepy. “Were you expecting me to have changed?”