’16th November 2015
To Jonathan
You are killing me Jonathan. I can’t bear it any longer; I am at my breaking point. What have I done to deserve this? I have tried everything, done everything to bring you back to me but you distance yourself more with every effort I make. You rarely smile at me now, hell I rarely see you now. Either you are at office or you are away on your ‘business trip’ and it kills me to know that every second that you are away from me you are getting closer to her.
My nightmares have gotten worse now since you are never there to fend them away from me. I wake up to an empty bed and an empty house every day. I don’t even find any sign to know that whether you came back to home last night or not. I miss you Jonathan. Where did that old Jonathan go? The one who used to love me endlessly, the one who used to hold me while I slept or the one who kissed me awake. It’s been so long since I have slept in your arms or even since I have kissed you. It’s just like living with your ghost. There are only little things which remind me that you still live in this house. There was a time when I knew you better than I knew myself but now you are just a stranger to me. I don’t know what is going on in your life anymore.
I am more disappointed in myself than I am in you Jonathan. I am disappointed that I couldn’t be good enough for you. Had I been enough for you, you wouldn’t have gone to some other woman. I will never know where I lacked. I love you with all my heart and I have given you my soul, I don’t know what more I can do. I can see you slipping away from me and I can’t do anything to hold you back. You are sailing away from me. I feel so helpless right now. I never dreamed of a perfect life but then you came and suddenly everything was perfect. I saw the world with rose tinted glasses when I was with you but now when I have removed those glasses I can see the truth. I was never meant to live a perfect life. I was a fool to think that you will stay. It’s not really your fault; it is fault of my fate. I am always abandoned by the people I love. First my parents, then Carson and now you. I know that you will leave me soon and I can do nothing but pray to the angels above that you see the truth and come back to me.
Yours,
Liza’
This letter was written two days before Jonathan saw Liza with that man, two days before Jonathan kicked her out and two days before when everything went down the hill. Jonathan sat there on his bed as he read the letter. It was one of the many letters that Liza had written but knowing that this was her last letter to him made his chest constrict with pain. Three years back when he had married Liza he had never even imagined the situation he was in now. Liza had always been the one for him. She was his angel, his own personal sun and the only woman who held his heart. But he had let it all slip away. In the beginning it was difficult for him to even look into Liza’s eyes but as time passed he began lying to Liza with ease. The guilt he felt was drowned by the lust. It had become like an addiction to him and even though he knew what he was doing was wrong he couldn’t stop it. He had even tried to break off his affair with Stacey once but he wasn’t able to. Every letter he read brought a fresh wave of guilt, pain and sadness along with it. He wished that had been strong enough to break it off when this thing had started, he wished that he had been strong enough to not fall into this addiction. He sighed and folded the letter keeping it back into the box.
Jonathan had spent previous night re – reading the letters written by Liza, he had barely slept for two hours when his phone rang. “Hello” he said in a groggy voice “Hey Jonathan this is Alice, the doctors are saying that Liza can wake up at any time today, come fast” came Alice’s reply. Her voice was excited. Jonathan immediately sat up straight his grogginess long gone. He showered hastily and then got dressed. There was a new light in his eyes as he combed his hair and all of a sudden all the tiredness of past few days had vanished from his face. He rushed to the hospital and found Alice sitting in Liza’s room. “What did doctor say Alice? When will Liza wake up?” he asked upon entering. Alice turned to him and said with a smile “The doctors said that she can wake up anytime between today and tomorrow”. “I am so happy Jonathan, finally Liza will wake up. I was so scared when the doctors had said that she was in coma. Now I will get my best friend back” she said excitedly and hugged him. Alice would have danced if it was up to her but since this was a hospital she kept her excitement in check.
Alice released Jonathan from the hug and said seriously “Jonathan, You are my brother and I want to see you happy but Liza is also my best friend. You have wronged her Jonathan and I won’t support you. After Liza wakes up I will be standing by her side, supporting her every decision, even if she makes the decision to leave you and kick you out of her life. I won’t allow you to push her into anything. She has been through enough pain and I won’t allow you to hurt her again.” Jonathan simply looked down at Alice with a small wry smile on his face “I know what I have done is wrong Alice and I know that I have hurt her in a way that no one ever should be hurt. I am glad that she will have you by her side, she will need you but be assured about one thing Alice, and I will not let Liza leave me easily. I will do everything I can to make her stay with me. I love her Alice and I will not give up on it. I will beg, grovel, pray do and whatever she wants but I will earn her trust back. All these months when I had been hurting her, Liza had held onto our Love making every possible effort to save us, now it’s my turn to do the same. I won’t give up without a fight; I will make her trust me again.” Jonathan said. There was determination in his eyes and just by looking at him Alice knew that he meant every single word he said.
“Do whatever you want Jonathan but remember this if You hurt Liza in any way then there will be hell to pay” Alice said and left the room. Alice knew that her brother loved Liza more than anyone but he had made a mistake and he will have to live with its consequences. She stopped at the window of Liza’s room and looked inside. Jonathan was sitting beside Liza, holding a letter in one hand while his other hand was stroking Liza’s hair. She silently prayed to God for happiness of the two people she loved the most, for the two people who were in pain.