Jonathan wiped the tears from Liza’s cheeks, the same tears which had taken form in his eyes but had dropped down on Liza’s cheeks just like his mistakes. The tears left a faint mark behind on Liza’s pale skin just like his betrayal had left scars on her heart. It was getting harder for Jonathan to live with himself, each letter he read brought on a new wave of pain and guilt. But he knew that his punishment was not over so he in the haze of his pain he picked up another letter not noticing that it was dated way back, it was dated back to time when he was still loyal, still capable of being loved and still happy.
’26th November 2012
To Jonathan
Do you know that you are the best boyfriend ever? If not then I will make sure you do. I will chant it every day if that is what it takes for you to believe it. Though I am not sure if Boyfriend and girlfriend is even the correct word for what we are now. These terms seem too temporary, like I am defining something easily breakable. I don’t know what to call us but I want it to be something more permanent, more intimate, something that perfectly defines our bond. I find myself thinking that what if we are moving too fast? What if I am falling for you too quickly? But then you come into my view with that charming smile of yours and those kind eyes, making me forget all these thoughts.
Every day you tell me how perfect I am and then you go ahead and point out all your imperfections. Do you think I don’t know you Jonathan? I know you inside and out baby, I know your flaws but I also know that you won’t be what you are now without them. Love is not about seeing someone as perfect; it is about accepting them with all their flaws and rough edges. You tell me that you have never been in a relationship, you have never committed yourself to someone but neither have I. You say that you don’t want to hurt me but what if I hurt you? I am not perfect Jonathan. I have my own flaws and my own insecurities. I have my own hamartia. I had 10ft high walls built around me and I didn’t even know that they were suffocating me inside. When you came, it was like a breath of fresh air. You broke those walls down. Its pretty cliché I know, but it is truth. I have never been good at trusting people but you taught me how to trust. Do you remember how I used to doubt you in the beginning? You didn’t leave me for acting like Sherlock Holmes behind your back, for checking your messages, for asking your sister about your whereabouts, you kept patience and taught me how to trust you. You stayed with me, answered my every question, and justified your every action to make me believe you. Had it been anyone else they would have left me a long time ago. Was that not my flaw Jonathan? I knew I loved you from the very start but that didn’t make me trust you instantly. I have always had a problem in trusting people. It has always been difficult for me due to my past experience. Maybe I will tell you someday about my past or maybe I will leave it behind to be buried under the dust of years to come.
I am far from perfect Jonathan. I have my own baggage to carry just like everyone else. I am no one special and neither are you. It is the bond we have that makes us special, our relationship special. Just Know that Jonathan, I trust you, with my heart and my soul. I hope that you will take care of it.
Eternally in Love with you,
Yours and only yours
Liza’
Jonathan held the mauve colored letter tightly in his hands making it crinkle at its edges. He remembered those days when Liza would doubt his every move, he knew she checked his phone and he let her. He always knew that Liza took time in trusting people but that never irked him in fact it always made him feel special that Liza took so much trouble in trying to get to know his activities just because she wanted to trust him, be with him. It was one of the reasons why he stayed with her and made her trust him. He knew that Liza was worth all the trouble in the world. He would go to hell and be back for her, if that was what she wanted. All his life he had never been as sure about anything as he was about Liza. He knew he loved her then, when she used to doubt him and he knew that he loved her now when she had every right to hate him. He had messed up his life, wrecked Liza and maybe destroyed Liza’s belief in love forever single handedly and he had no idea how to set it all right. He had shattered the trust he had worked so hard to gain, but he was determined to gain it again. He would do everything and anything to gain it back even if it meant –
“Mr. West some lady called Stacey Lewis is here to see you. She is insisting that it is important”