I took all the necessary precautions to stay away from him. Because at this point, I can’t take risk for anyone’s life. If he want’s to kill himself, then he has my sympathy with him. I decided to remove the root of this trouble, I changed my sim card. I started using it. I was on the rough edge now, it was time for him to know who I am. But, one side of my brain was still saying to wait, wait for him, give a chance. I had made my mind this time, if he came in my way again then he will suffer. My heart was still wishing for him.
The rest of the evening went with no phone, no texts, nothing. After eating dinner, I went to sleep. But, sleep was far away for me, I was staring the ceiling for last one hour. Suddenly, my subconcious came, to wake the effect of remorse in me, though I was not guilty.
‘what if he loves you really? he might be scared of rejection? why don’t you give him a minute for explaining why is he like that? he knows you so well, why don’t you give him a chance? there was no one who saw, what he saw. Why do you adore his dirt talks so much? why do you allow him to touch you the way no one can? Don’t you lie, the thunder and lightning in your heart when you feel his lips. Please don’t lie’
My subconcious ended it’s monologue, which made me think again and again. I know and like him though, still I can’t risk anyone for this. It was not easy for me to sleep, It was him everywhere. So I decided to watch a movie. I turned my lappy on, I started watching ‘The hitch’. It was fun in the starting, I was enjoying their romance comedy, but suddenly, things started getting cozy. The scene were bearable, until the thoughts of theatre came to life.
It was so weird, how I simply surrendered myself to him, the moment he said,” it’s me my lady”. I was calmed and shocked. Slowly, slowly everything of that evening was coming alive. The way he grabbed me, the way he was teasing my mole on the left side of my neck. Gosh, just thinking about it made me so hot… how does he do that, he is still so far, but successfull in making me crave him.
I shut the screen immediately and shook my head twice, in order to remove every crap from my mind. But, they were iterating again and again from somewhere behind my brain. I jumped quickly on the bed, covered myself with a duvet , I covered my head and toe properly, so everything around me just vanishes. I spend another 20 minutes, focusing hard on sleep.
Today, he was powerful over everything, even on my sleep. I remembered my mom used to say that we should take bath before we sleep, so I decided to go with it. I rushed towards my bathroom, grabbed my towel from the hook and went inside. I hurriedly, removed my clothes and stood under the shower. I stood there calmy, not doing anything for a while.
Suddenly, the thoughts of that powder room came to the lime light. I was literally feeling his touches, I shook my head but they were hovering everywhere. I let out a deep sigh and rushed outside the shower as quickly as possible. I grabbed something loose and comfy to wear. I wore a light and loose, knee length gown and dried my hairs, but my eyes went towards his love bite. I was blushing to the deepest shade of red.
The night went really tough . Full of blushing, remorsing, missing , regretting and so on.