His eyes softened, and he lifted a hand as if he wanted to move toward me. But, he stopped himself, dropped his hand, and sighed softly.
“We can stay here longer so you can rest,” he said.
I threw my arms up in the air. “It won’t do any good.” At his blank look, I said, “I’m reliving all our past lives, mine and my sisters. I’ve been cut, beaten, starved, raped, drowned, and even blinded.”
His eyes hardened at each method of torture I listed, but I barely paid his reaction any attention. Listing the things that I had experienced brought the memories too close to the surface, and there were so many more ways his kind had hurt me that I’d left unsaid.
“Every time I close my eyes, I see more, and there’s no rest when that’s what I see. When I wake I’m just as tired as I was when I went to sleep. And I don’t just see the past, I feel it. Every injury. Every forced intimate moment. If I let myself dwell on it, I won’t ever feel whole again.” I gave a pained snort. “I’m not really sure I do now. If I’ve ever had a happy past life, I don’t remember it. Instead, I remember the pain, and death. Always death…” I said, starting to cry in anger and in fear. “I don’t want to die again,” I whispered brokenly. “But if you’re here to try to get me to choose you, you can’t have me.” I said the words to help remind me, too. He was so… nice. It made the Taupe Lady’s warning hard to remember. “Even if it means I have to die again.”
He growled, and I saw how what I said had affected him. Jaw clenched, he fought the skin-rippling change trying to consume him. He turned and forcefully yanked open the door. The trim splintered near the latch. When he slammed it shut behind him, a piece fell to the floor.
Stunned, I flopped back down on the bed with a slow sigh. I’d baited him—what? Twice now? Three times?—and I was still unharmed, breathing. A crazy half-sob, half-laugh bubbled from my chest.
The roar of his motorcycle reached me. I hopped off the bed and raced to the door, opening it just in time to see him speed away.
Stupefied, I stood in the doorway for several long moments before my brain kicked in. What an idiot for clarifying who I was when I knew I couldn’t trust him. Who knew what he was up to? They always appeared in packs. Maybe he was getting the rest of his pack. Then, I thought of Baen. He’d been alone the first time; but he’d made me bite him before he ran off. So, this was different. And I wasn’t a clueless, stupid kid this time. Yet, I still made tired mistakes. I needed to move.
Closing the door, I quickly circled the bed looking for my shoes. They weren’t there. I checked the bathroom, using it quickly in the process, and didn’t see anything there either. My chest started to tighten. I didn’t have time to waste but couldn’t just leave without them. My feet were tough, but the temperature was dropping. I wouldn’t make it far.
Growling in frustration, I grabbed my bag and dug for as many pairs of socks as I could find. Two. I sat on the bed to pull them on over the ones I wore, but didn’t get the chance.
I fell into a dream. Hard.
****
A sprinkling of water on my face woke me before I died. Still caught up in the dream, I looked up at Luke and blinked in confusion at his disgruntled expression.
“You already slept ten hours. How can you still be this tired?”
“I’m not,” I said sitting up quickly.
He stood before me with a white paper bag and a large thick paper cup in one hand. The other hand shone wetly.
“The dreams take me over sometimes, no matter how rested I am,” I mumbled feeling the need to explain. He held out the cup to me. I didn’t move to take it as I remembered how he’d taken off. “I thought you left to get the rest of your men.”
He huffed a martyr style sigh and sat beside me on the bed. Too close in my opinion.
“What men?”
Instead of answering, I looked down at my hands while trying to ignore the quick erratic heartbeat his close proximity caused. He misunderstood my move and made a small noise of annoyance.
“Never mind,” I mumbled.
“Bethi, I really am here to help you. No strings. I just don’t know how,” he said softly.
He thought I just didn’t trust him. He was right. I didn’t. But that wasn’t the reason for my hesitancy. I didn’t like feeling so dependent on him. Especially since my insides kept going crazy when he was close or when I looked at him or when I smelled him. It was getting ridiculous.
“You are helping me,” I said trying for brusque detachment. “If not for you, I’d be walking.”
He studied my profile for a moment before handing me the cup. “I thought coffee might help.”
My throat dried at the quiet concern laced in with his words, so I accepted the cup and took a hasty swig. It scalded my tongue, and I almost spit it back into the cup. Instead, I swallowed, burning a layer from my throat. Ignoring his concerned frown, I suggested we hit the road. I was uncomfortable just sitting there.
“I brought you something to eat, too,” he said opening the bag and pulling out a plastic carton.
He sat there patiently holding out the food, waiting for me to decide.
My mouth watered as a hint of bacony goodness drifted my way. He quirked a slight smile at me as I reached for it, but he willingly handed it over. A stacked breakfast sandwich lay inside. My stomach rumbled as I looked at it. I sat next to him and devoured the offering. He smiled as he watched me. I ignored him.
When I threw the carton in the garbage, he stood, picked up my bag, reached inside his jacket, and pulled out my shoes.
“Gee, thanks,” I drawled, reclaiming my missing shoes.
Luke grinned in response and handed me the jacket as well before he shouldered my bag and walked out the door to check us out of the room. I set my almost empty coffee to the side, sat, and peeled off the extra socks.
He’d done it again, helped me without demanding anything in return. Was he just waiting for a moment of weakness before he pounced, or had my dream about Baen pointed me toward help? I wanted to believe Luke was the help I was meant to find. Yet he also did things to make sure I didn’t run from him. I mean, come on! He stole my shoes. And did he think I didn’t notice him leaving with my bag? I wondered why he did any of it. Was it because he thought I wouldn’t be safe if I struck out on my own again or something else? I really wanted the answer to be because he was worried about me. Yet, at the same time, I knew I was being irrational. How many lifetimes had the werewolves shown me that they couldn’t be trusted. It far outnumbered the two lifetimes—so far, anyway—that they had tried to keep me safe. Still… I wanted to believe. The thought that he was keeping me captive… well, I needed to believe my life wasn’t hopeless.
I beat him to the motorcycle and waited, watching him cross the parking lot. My heart gave a quick stutter as he got closer. He moved with purpose, and his eyes swept over me. I tried to squash any signs of my physical attraction, but I couldn’t help watching his long legs clear the seat with ease. To distract myself, I wondered what he’d look like as a dog. Would he have those same menacingly eerie eyes? Would he threaten me with his teeth?
After settling behind him, he motioned to the strap on his shoulder. I grudgingly lifted the bag around my torso. Falling from the back of the bike didn’t sound fun.
We pulled away in a hurry. Even with all of the sleep, I felt the tug of the next dream. I tried everything from sticking my face in the wind—versus staying crouched behind Luke—to biting my lip as hard as I could. Eventually, the dream won.
A hand tapping my face pulled me out.
“We need help. A car. This isn’t working,” he said gently.
“No, this is fine,” I mumbled, peeling my eyes open. It really wasn’t fine. We were pulled over again. Trees lined the sides of the road in both directions. For a second time, I sat in his lap with the bag and strap twisted around us. The bike still idled.
“Can you make it twenty minutes without sleeping?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “It seems worse with you.”
He looked at me in surprise. “When I’m near you, you don’t cry out. I thought your dreams calmed when I…” He didn’t finish his sentence, but I filled in the missing parts.
He was right. My dreams did calm when I was near him. I dreamed of helpful things like glimpses of explanations from the Taupe Lady, instead of my constant pointless death. In fact, I’d learned so much more after Luke had found me than in the prior months.
My eyes widened as I considered the implications. Was Luke really the key? In my past lives, after claiming a werewolf, the dreams had come less frequently. And when they did appear, their purpose was more focused. So, if I Claimed Luke…
“I changed my mind,” I said quickly. “I will Claim you.”
“No!” He flinched as if I’d slapped him, but his gaze drifted to my mouth.
He remained motionless, studying me, his eyes filled with barely checked wanting. It wasn’t desire as much as it was the ability to call me his own. I’d seen that look before in other lives. They’d coveted me for the power of my knowledge. Why did he want me? I decided it didn’t really matter and held myself still, hoping he was reconsidering his answer. So far, he had kept me safe and treated me well. If Claiming him would end my dreams—or at least slow them—did I need any more proof from him that he would take care of me? He had already shown he was infinitely better than the werewolves I’d Claimed in past lives—except maybe Baen. And it didn’t hurt that my heart was beating out yes like an SOS.
The look in his eyes grew tender as he brushed a stand of hair from my face. His fingers left a trail of warmth where they brushed my skin. I wanted him to do it again. Touch me. His breath hitched when I tilted my head slightly. His fingers trembled as he touched my hair. Encouraged, my hand drifted to his bicep.
The contact broke the spell, and he hastily removed me from his lap. Like cold water splashed in my face, it brought me back to reality. I needed to Claim him for the right reasons—to get rid of the dreams where I died, and not the wrong reason—because he made my insides quiver.
However, being connected by the strap didn’t give us much room once he set me on my feet next to the bike. It pinned us together and brought my face close to his neck.
Perfect.