Each day following the revelation of how Richard had died, Michelle sank further into the fearful existence in which she’d lived when she arrived. She woke often at night, walking through her apartment to check windows and doors. During the day, she hovered over her brothers, unwilling to let them out of her sight.
Jim, Winifred, and I each tried to reassure her. Richard had died the month before, and it had been all over the news then. There was no reason for the mutt responsible to believe she was now safely hidden away with us. Our words did little good.
By Thursday morning, she was once again a pale shadow of herself. When she and the boys weren’t around to notice, I prowled my apartment in frustration. I hated the fear that ate at her and the haunted look in her eyes. But what more could I do to help her feel secure here?
She needed sleep. She needed peace and comfort.
By dinner, I couldn’t stand it anymore. She barely ate and didn’t say a word through the whole meal. The boys, thankfully, weren’t taking their cues from her and laughed through dessert, a lopsided cake Aden and Jim had baked. Jim and I worked hard every day so they would feel safe and loved and it seemed to be enough for them.
When Michelle drifted from the room, I went to catch her in the hallway.
She looked up at me with lost, sad eyes when I wrapped my hand around her arm to stop her from climbing the steps.
“I’ll sleep on the couch after the boys go to bed.” I didn’t ask; I told her. And, if me being on the couch didn’t help her sleep, then I’d lay on the bed next to her and hold her all night.
“Okay.”
Her simple acceptance told me just how bad it had gotten.
That night, I helped put the boys to bed and insisted she keep her apartment door open. As soon as the boys were breathing deeply, I let myself in and closed the door behind me. Michelle wasn’t in the living room. I found her already in bed, her eyes closed and her hand tucked under a cheek as she lay on her side.
“Michelle,” I said, gently running my fingers over her hair. “I’m here. Everything is locked up tight. Get some sleep.”
She nodded, keeping her eyes closed. It didn’t take long for her breathing to even out. I watched her for a while. When it looked like she would stay sleeping peacefully, I went to the couch.
The whole place smelled like her. I sat down and breathed deeply, letting myself relax.
****
The typical slow brightening of the room was missing when I woke. I went to the window and eyed the dark skies.
Knowing it would be a full day of keeping the kids busy, I went to my place and quickly showered. It didn’t take more than a few minutes before I was back in her place, folding my blanket. The apartment stayed quiet for another hour. Then the sky rumbled. Liam and Aden were the first to stir. I went into their room and said a hushed good morning, then helped them quietly dress.
“Brush your teeth then go to Nana’s. She’ll make you breakfast,” I said as I opened the bedroom door for them. They ducked into the bathroom and brushed their teeth quietly.
Two hungry cubs coming your way, I warned Winifred on my way to the kitchen to see what I could make Michelle for breakfast.
The sky rumbled loudly just as the boys opened the bathroom door. I heard Michelle stir. The two boys must have, too, because they ran down the hall and out of the apartment. Michelle was out of bed and running, too.
I stepped into the hallway, ready to assure her the boys were fine. Instead, I caught her in my arms as she barreled into me. Spinning, I tried redirecting the force of her momentum. It didn’t quite work. Her face collided with my chest.
“Ow!” She pulled her head back and squinted at me with watering eyes.
The pale, shadowy Michelle of yesterday was gone. The woman in my arms was adorably disgruntled.
“I’m sorry.” I leaned forward to kiss her abused nose. Her breath caught, and her scent sweetened as I slowly closed the distance. Slowly, her eyes fluttered shut. The tempting sight of her lips almost redirected my aim. Patience, I reminded myself, gently brushing her nose.
Her eyes flew open.
“I wouldn’t have stepped in front of you if I’d known you’d get hurt.” I carefully moved a strand of hair that had fallen over her face during our collision.
“Uh. It’s okay.”
I inhaled slowly, noting it was anything but okay. She was anxious and confused.
“Just a minute.” She turned and closed herself in the bathroom.
I went back to what I’d been doing in the kitchen. Taking out the eggs, I started collecting what I needed to make her a small breakfast. When she reemerged, I had four eggs in the pan and bread in the toaster.
“How are you feeling?” I asked, looking her over. The brief whiff of anxiety and confusion before she left had me wondering if she was still feeling unsafe here.
“Fine. No permanent damage,” she said, misunderstanding the question.
I didn’t clarify. If she wasn’t thinking about Blake or her stepfather, I didn’t want to remind her. I put a single egg and a slice of toast on a plate and set it before her. After plating up the other three eggs and remaining toast, I joined her at the island.
She ate a few bites then turned to look at me.
“What are we?”
I paused, afraid to hope I’d understood her question correctly. Turning, I finished my bite of food as I studied her. She sat there, calmly returning my gaze. Surely, if she was asking about our relationship, she wouldn’t be this calm. Every time I’d mentioned it in the past, she’d blushed or quickly found an excuse to leave the room. And, her talk about having no room for any distractions still rang in my mind, too.
“I’m not sure I understand the question,” I said warily.
She blushed and stood.
“I get this.”
She leaned forward and planted a light kiss on my nose.
“And I get this.”
She buried her face in my neck and inhaled, trailing her nose against my skin. I nearly lost it. She was so close. All she needed to do was open her mouth and plant her teeth into my skin and it would be done. She’d be mine. I closed my eyes and struggled to hold myself still.
“And I’m told—”
I shuddered at the feel of her breath on my skin. She quickly pulled back, and I wanted to howl.
Her eyes were wide as she looked at me. Did she know the animal she’d just stirred?
“I’m sorry,” she said, stepping away.
I rose, shadowing her retreat with an unwavering advance. “Don’t be. I’m fine. Finish your question.”
Tell me you’re ready, I pleaded silently.
She stopped moving backward. I didn’t stop advancing, though, until I stood within six inches of her, drowning in her unique scent.
“I, uh, was just going to say that… um.” She cleared her throat nervously. “You said I’m yours, and that biting equals an engagement. But, I don’t understand where that leaves us now. What are we?”
Excitement and anticipation filled me.
“As you asked, we are friends,” I said carefully. Then, I leaned in, covering her arms with my hands and holding her steady as I brought my mouth to her neck. Brushing my lips over her skin, I let myself dream of more. She helped my dreams by bringing her hands to my chest. They didn’t roam like the night on the bike, but lay lightly on my shirt, heating me further.
“But,” I said, letting my words raise bumps on her sensitive skin, “I hope we are friends who are working their way to dating.”
I brushed my lips against her skin again, waiting for her reaction. When she remained still, I pulled back slightly. “I’m not good at being friends. I struggle with the boundaries of friendship.”
She swallowed hard and withdrew her hands. “What boundaries?” The words were a bare whisper.
“Friends don’t get this close. They don’t touch each other like I just touched you. And, I really want to be that close.”
I could smell she wanted that, too.
“What else?” she said.
She was tempting me. Innocently, though.
“You’ll have to let me know,” I said, retreating for both our sakes. “You set the boundaries.”
I went back to the island but couldn’t sit right away. Closing my eyes, I took a few calming breaths. Not only was I completely turned on, but the change was clawing at me. While I struggled with myself, she quietly remained where she was.
As soon as I sat down, she joined me. We didn’t talk again, and her anxiety didn’t disappear. But the confusion was gone.