Ivy Sparks
I want Ben, and I want this. I really do, but I’m so nervous. I’ve never gone farther with a guy than just making out. Nobody has ever touched me intimately or seen me in anything less than a swimsuit. I’ve never had my hands on any part of a man’s body but his shoulders or back. So much of what I’m about to do is such a mystery to me. I don’t know exactly what I’m supposed to do. Probably the best thing is to just let Ben take charge. The first time we kissed, he was very respectful, seemed to be constantly watching my reactions to things and not pushing any farther than I was comfortable. I know I can trust him to treat me well, but I also don’t want to just lay there and react. I want to make sure he understands that I’m not just letting him have me. That this is something I want to share, as an equal partner, with him.
I make him tell me about the most beautiful night sky he’s ever seen while he drives.
“Two years back,” he says. “I went out camping over on the other side of the Rockies, southern Oregon. The park was completely off-grid. Miles from a paved road, food in bear bags up in trees, all of that. I was out with a couple of friends, and we didn’t know when we left that a major meteor shower was supposed to happen while we were out there. One night it was warm enough that we didn’t need a fire, we just laid ourselves out on our backs as the sun set and the stars came out as the sky darkened.”
Ben squeezes my hand, and goes on. “Then one of us saw a shooting star, then another, and another. We were unable to move, almost unable to blink because we didn’t want to miss a single one. None of us slept until something like three or four in the morning.”
“Thank you,” I say. “A lot of the time, especially this last year with college coming up, I find myself itching to get away from here, off to someplace bigger and with more people. I always seem to forget that I’m closer to the world out here, closer to the sky.”
“I think that no matter where you go, you will always have a home here to come back to. Any time you need a sky full of stars, you just need to take some time to come back,” Ben says.
“True,” I say. “I just worry that I’ll forget to do it.”
“You won’t. This place is too much a part of you. I’ve always been able to see that.”
Just a few minutes more of driving, and we pull up to the inn. We get the eye from the clerk about checking in, but we’re both grown up. For a moment, I’m rattled at having to deal with this annoying detail, but then I realize that I’m mere moments from enjoying my life infinitely more than the sour faced clerk that looks like he hasn’t smiled in weeks. That proof that I am alive and beautiful and precious to someone builds up inside of me. By the time Ben unlocks the door to our room, I am ready to have him right there at the threshold. I drop my overnight bag on the floor and am kissing him before he even gets the door shut.
I hold him tight while he embraces me and returns the kiss as hungrily as I give it. There’s a part of me that is almost audibly screaming for any touch right now. I clamp one of his thighs between mine and start rubbing against him. Anything to scratch that itch I’ve got right now. Awkwardly, since my legs trying to hold onto one of his, I try to walk backwards and drag him towards the bed that I know must be somewhere behind me. Instead of following, he plants his feet and breaks away from the kiss.
Ben puts one hand on each of my cheeks and looks at me with those intensely blue eyes of his. I’m suddenly a little bit embarrassed at how physically assertive I suddenly became. He knows I’ve never been with anybody before, but I don’t want to think that just a couple of days of playing kissy-face together and a hotel room are all it takes to make me into that kind of girl.
The look on his face, though, reassures me that everything is good. There is such adoration as he studies me up close in the dim light. He kisses me once on the lips, lightly, on the forehead, on the top of my head. I realize he’s slowing me down so we can do this properly, explore the many ways we can pleasure each other instead of just tearing off clothing and skipping right to the end.
Instead of taking me to the bed, Ben leads me to the sofa and sits down beside me. We start to kiss again, wandering between gentle and insistent. His hands start to wander over my chest and before long, I’m back to wanting to tear my clothes off for him again. I decide to let him lead, though, let him enjoy the slow reveal of my body to him. It’s hard, though. So hard to be patient and move at his pace.
He starts unbuttoning my blouse, far enough to open it up and see what I’ve got on underneath. I try to apologize for not having something really sexy for him yet, but he seems rather happy with the lacy, dark green set that I’ve always thought looks great on me. I am now well into territory I’ve never been in before, and the excitement fills me with a renewed need for him. I fumble with his necktie. I have no idea how to start loosening it, but Ben is kind enough to handle it for me, and undo his top button. He goes for a second, but I’m having none of that. He gets to unwrap me, I get to unwrap him. It takes all the self-control I can muster to not just grab his shirt and tear it open, sending buttons flying everywhere.
Once I get his shirt off, I run my hands all over his chest. I have never thought of him as bulky, but I’ve also noticed over time that he is strong. Now that I’m touching his bare skin, I can feel that he is solid underneath. Compact. Like there is not a single muscle that is wasted for show, all of it is in this majestic landscape of lean, toned power. I’m so wrapped up in exploring it that I don’t realize he’s taken my blouse off until I feel my bra suddenly loosen, freeing my breasts. I lean forward a bit and let the bra fall off. He leans back to get a good look at me, then comes in to kiss again, his lips and tongue freely wandering over my lips, my cheeks, behind my ears, down my neck. Oh, those kisses to my neck are glorious! I have never seen the thrill in neck kissing until Ben – he brings such a fascination and careful attention to the task that it takes my breath away every time. The only thing I’m feeling more intense than that is the alternation between us crushing our bare chests together, as if we’re trying to touch directly heart-to-heart, and the electric tingle every time he touches one of my nipples
Now the fire between my legs is blazing out of control, and I can no longer control my hips. My body is desperately aching to have him inside of me. I am about to go for his belt when he lifts me up and drops me onto his lap. Oh, how solid he is! I smile up at Ben and wiggle my hips to let him know I notice.
He wraps an arm around my back and stands up, carrying me to the side of the bed and gently lays me down. My legs are still together from the trip over, so he puts one hand on either of my knees and puts just enough pressure on to make it a polite invitation to open my legs for him. I notice him looking down at my body, and suddenly become inexplicably shy about him seeing my most intimate parts yet. I don’t know exactly why – I still desperately want to feel him inside of me there, but also want to preserve some mystery about my body for a little while longer. When I separate my knees for him, I also lower my thighs so he cannot see up my skirt.
He allows me that bit of modesty yet, but fortunately it does not stop him from going further. While Ben undoes his belt, I settle a little more comfortably on the bed. He kicks off his shoes and opens his pants, taking a bit of time in lowering them to the floor and stepping out of them. And now he is standing before me, at the edge of the bed, one of my calves on either side of him, showing me all of his glory. I take the time to admire everything, from the legs – just as finely and cleanly muscled as his torso – up to that most personal part of him. It is stiff, and I can see it bounce a tiny bit with every beat of his heart. I am simply amazed at how beautiful it is, how vital it looks. I always thought it would look like some separate and alien creature attached to the man, but on Ben, it is wholly a part of him.
He places his fingertips behind my knees, and again pulls just enough to invite me to lift and open them for him. This time, I do not mind that my skirt rides up my thighs, exposing my panties to him. I reach out with my feet, running them up and down his thighs, then I pull him toward me.
Ben climbs up onto the bed, straddling me, running those gently shocking fingers of his up and down my legs, along my sides, over my breasts. I can tell by his breathing now that he will not be able to wait much longer. He reaches a hand behind me, and unzips my skirt.
“Lights, please,” I ask, still needing the cover of darkness to truly and fully relax so I can take him. I enjoy every second of the trip his naked body takes to the light switch before the room goes black. Once the lights are out, I slip out of my skirt and drop it on the floor. Ben finds his way back to me, and straddles me again. Sometimes, he almost lowers himself onto me, at others, he hovers a few inches above me. I need to raise my hips then, because even with one last item of clothing on, I cannot bear to not have my most secret part too far from him.
I’m just about to demand that he take me already when his hands go to my waist and he removes that final piece cloth between us. I take the opportunity to crawl up the bed and rest my head on the pillows. However, Ben does not follow and climb right up on top of me. Instead, he lays down beside me and starts kissing me again, one hand cupping my bottom and the side of my hip. I try to hide a little sigh of disappointment, but at the same time, I realize by the way he is breathing now, that he’s afraid he’ll have no endurance if he enters me now. When his hand comes around to the inside of my thigh, and starts making its way upwards, I can tell he wants to give me a little bit of pleasure first. I open myself up fully for him and settle in a bit to enjoy the focused attention. He explores the outside of me first, stroking the soft fur between my legs, the surprisingly sensitive skin right where my inner thighs meet my body, walking up from there to the points of my hips and then back down.
Ben then starts to play at the entrance to my body, finding that little spot right at the top that makes my back arch and my breath catch in my throat. He lets his fingers dance, studying my every reaction, narrowing in on the touch that gives me the most torturously sweet amount of pleasure. He carefully teases me, then I feel his fingers slip inside. He renews his wordless conversation with my body, this time not teasing at all, but following every single twitch and wiggle and moan of pleasure I make, building up the excitement within me higher and higher until I simply stop thinking about what he is doing, and just let my body respond to him. I have no idea if I am making any sound or saying anything when he brings me to the point of no return and his nimble, strong fingers shove me clear over the edge. All I know is that I have my legs locked tight around his hand and I can’t breathe because I am smothering myself in his shoulder.
“Please!” I beg. “Please. Now.”
Ben crawls up on top of me again, his thighs between mine, his arms on either side of me. I reach down to take him into my hand, thinking to guide him in, but I’m distracted by the feel of him. Now that I’m touching him, it is not as rock solid as I thought, but yields slightly to my touch. It’s hot in my hand, and I can feel his pulse, fast, strong, and steady.
“Now?” Ben asks reluctantly because he wanted to tell me everything before he claimed me, but my patience wore thin and I knew that all I wanted was him right now.
“Please,” I say.
I let go of him and put my hands on his lower back. He settles onto me, so we are belly to belly and chest to chest. I roll my hips back and lift my thighs a bit, opening them as wide as I can. The pain I’d heard of is not there when Ben enters me, just an insistent pressure as he pushes his hips forward. He fills me completely, there is no part inside of me that Ben is not touching. My body feels like it can barely contain him, like something will have to give.
I finally exhale, long and slow, as I let myself relax around him. I find myself in a world of pleasure I never could have imagined. “Thank you,” I whisper into his ear.
That’s when I notice that his body is slowly quivering. If his reactions are anything like mine, I suspect he’s just a heartbeat away from his own peak, and I appreciate more deeply the time he spent letting his hand explore and pleasure me. While having him inside of me is so divinely delightful, I want more from this moment. I want to be taken up to and over that edge again from these new sensations.
When his breath settles, he starts to pull back his hips, sliding slowly out of me. I feel less full as he does so, and for a moment fear that he’s going to leave me entirely, but he stops just as the head of his shaft reaches the entrance to my body. His mouth goes to my neck again, to that spot right at the base of my throat where he is able to kindle a mighty flame with his kisses and nips. He toys with me there, stoking the fire within me until my hips demand he fill me again. Ben listens, and slowly presses into me. A half dozen more thrusts, all the while with his mouth working its magic, and we’ve found the rhythm my body craves. Every single thrust he makes, bringing his hips all the way into mine, all of him buried deep inside of me, I take another step up the mountain. I can hear in his breathing that he is doing everything he can to delay for me, and that only heightens my own pleasure. It takes just a couple more steps up, and I feel the explosion of pleasure start from deep within me, bursting outwards, up my spine until again I lose all sense of reason and time. Every inch of my skin comes alive at once. I grasp onto Ben with all my might, lest the pleasure throw me completely out of this world and into some other place. I need his solid anchor to hold on to, the sensations driving through me are so intense.
I come back to awareness just in time to see his eyes completely lose focus while he’s gazing deep into mine, and he lets out this powerful moan, teeth clenching, and he wraps his arms around me as desperately as I was just holding him.
It takes a long time for my hips to stop lightly grinding against his body, trying to keep that pleasure going. Eventually, he softens and my body gently pushes him out.
I am simply exhausted, beyond measure. It is all I can do to say, “Good night, my love,” before I fade.
In the morning, Ben lets me sleep until nine, the curtains shut tight against the morning light, before he wakes me with the sound of running water. It’s the first I notice that we have whirlpool in the room. He’s obviously been up for a while, because I can see that there’s also a plate of fresh fruit, flatbread, and brie set next to a cup of hot coffee by the edge of the tub. I find myself much more comfortable this morning with the thought of Ben seeing me completely unclothed, so I don’t bother to cover up as I leave the bed and step into the tub. I enjoy a leisurely breakfast in a hot bubble bath with my sexy man before we dry off and return to the bed.
Once more, I take Ben inside of me. Even though I know a little more what to expect, it is no less magical with him than it was last night. When we’re finished, we take a quick shower together, so we can be dressed and ready to go before check out time. I really wish Ben had woken me up earlier, because our giggly fun soaping each other up makes me want to seriously explore every inch of his body with his hands, and get things started again.
As we leave the inn, Ben immediately puts on very dark sunglasses, adjusts his hat, and walks with his head down. Once we’re in the car, he immediately swings the visor down to block the sun, and I notice just how dark the tinting on his windows is. Not for the first time, I wonder if he isn’t so pale because he has a sensitivity to sunlight.
Ben holds my hand while he drives me home. I can tell he’s taking his time to stretch out our morning together. Truth be told, I don’t mind at all. As we get closer, I start getting nervous. I rushed out the door without telling Grandma where I was going, and she’s not going to be happy when she sees who I was with all night.
We’re not far from my house. Ben is slowing down for a left turn, then suddenly abandons it, speeding up and continuing straight down the highway.
“What was that all about?” I ask.
“Sorry. There was a cat crossing the road there. If I had started the turn, my two options would have been to hit the cat, or stop in oncoming traffic, and risk your side of the car getting hit.”
“No worries. Take Highland Avenue. First left after we cross 325.”
“Right,” Ben says. Almost hitting a cat must really be bothering him, because he seems very distracted right now.
He does make the turn, though, and follows the rest of my directions to the house, but his eyes are all over the place as he drives. We finally pull into my driveway. I spend a long time saying goodbye to him, between kissing him and simply not wanting to face Grandma.
“Putting it off isn’t going to make it any easier,” Ben says, reluctantly. He’s still distracted by something. I can tell he’s watching up and down the road.
“I know.”
“Go. We’ll see each other again soon.” He reaches across me to open my door, giving me a nice, deep kiss as he settles back down in the driver’s seat.
“Soon,” I say, giving him one more quick peck before I get out of the car.
As I expected, Grandma is extremely unhappy with me. I can’t stand seeing how disappointed she is in me. The worst part being that I don’t deserve it. Just because she doesn’t like Ben doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to fall in love with him or make love with him.
“Ivy,” Grandma says.
I take a deep breath. I’m suddenly angry that somehow I’ve ended up in a position where two of the three most important people in my life hate the third. “Yes, I spent the night with Ben.”
“Where?”
“In his arms,” I snap.
Grandma seems taken aback by me fighting her on this.
I push into the opening that leaves me. “I’m a big girl now, and I’ve been halfway taking care of myself for the past few years anyway, with you being on the road a few days every month.”
“That boy is no good for you. You need to stop seeing him, now, not get closer to him! There’s a lot about him you don’t know.”
“We’ve been over this already, Grandma. I’m grown up now. This is my body,” I say, bringing one of my hands up to chin level, and sweeping it downwards in front of me. “My heart, my decision, my life.”
“This isn’t just a simple matter of me disapproving of a sketchy boyfriend. Ben is something different.”
“Yes, he is. And we all know how nice little Stokers Mill feels about anything that’s different. I can’t wait to get out of this tiny cage of a town.”
“It’s not that, Ivy.”
“I don’t want to hear it,” I say, and I stomp up to my room, slamming the door behind me.
I pull out my phone to see a text from Ben: ‘You forgot your bag. Sneak out and meet me at Fordham?’
Oh, dear Ben. Always proper English, even in a text message. Seeing him again sounds so good right now that even without needing to pick up my overnight bag, I’d jump at the invitation. I text him that I’ll see him in a few minutes.
I was always a good kid when I was younger, so I don’t have much practice sneaking beyond what I’ve done very recently, and we do have that squeaky step. “Time to go all out,” I tell myself, and open up my window. I find a quarter in my purse and use that to open the clips that hold the storm window in. I carefully lean the pane of glass up against my bedroom wall and crawl out the window. Gently, I lower myself down so I’m holding onto the sill. It should only be four feet of drop, but it still takes me a second of steeling my nerve to let go.
I hit the ground and fall into an undignified heap. My phone is still upstairs in my purse, but there’s nothing in it I need to spend a little bit of time with Ben. I assume Grandma is in the den, so I pick a route to the road that keeps me out of sight of those windows, and walk down to Fordham Avenue.
I hop into Ben’s car and go straight for a kiss. He returns it quickly, puts the car into gear, and starts driving.
“What’s going on?” I ask. This is very unlike him.
“I need to get us both out of town, now.”
“Why” I ask.
“After I dropped you off, I took another circle around the neighborhood. They’ve almost found you. Your grandmother can’t protect you, Carl can’t protect you. I can, but only if we stay together and stay hidden.”
“What are you talking about, Ben? You’re scaring me!”
“You should be scared,” is all he says, his eyes twitching constantly between the road in front of him, and his mirrors.
“Ben. Tell me what this is about.”
“I was going to tell you this today, anyways. I promised myself I had to tell you once we became lovers.”
“What, Ben?” I shout. I am terrified of him and so angry right now. If he weren’t speeding down the highway, I’d get out of the car.
Ben turns to me, and opens his mouth.
I can’t believe what I’m seeing. It looks like the most perfect set of costume vampire fangs I’ve ever seen in my life, and I never saw him put them in.
“Touch them. They’re the real thing,” he says, facing front to watch the road and his mirrors again.
I reach between his parted lips and touch one of the fangs. I press on it, and it doesn’t move like a prop would. He slips off his sunglasses and looks at me. The whites of his eyes are now blood red, his glacier-blue irises have turned black and glassy, a frightening rattle escapes from his throat.
“Watch,” he says, making a quick check of the road. His fangs retract, looking like his teeth have always looked. His eyes go back to normal. “I’m a vampire, Ivy. I’m a rebel against the most powerful and evil clan of my kind, and for some reason, they are drawn to you. I was hoping they weren’t as close as they are, but one of them is definitely narrowing in on your house. She’s close enough that she’ll find it tonight after the sun sets.”
I have no idea what to say to any of this, no idea what to think. “Call your grandmother, tell her to get out of the house, preferably out of town entirely for a few days,” Ben says. “Tell her, ‘Negre hunters’ and she’ll know how important it is.”
“My phone is at home,” I say.
Ben fishes his phone out of a pocket and hands it to me. “Here. Be quick, and then throw the phone into the river as we cross the bridge up there.”
I still can’t process any of this. I can’t figure out where to even start. Ben puts his phone in my hand. “Please, Ivy. Trust me and do as I say. I don’t want to make you do it.”
I have no idea what Ben is talking about.
“Please, Ivy. Call her and throw the phone in the river. You’ve got less than a minute.”
I stare at the phone, dumbfounded.
Ben turns to me. He puts a hand on my cheek. “Ivy,” he says.
I look up into his eyes of blood and obsidian, see his fangs are out again. “Call, now. Destroy phone,” he says in a voice that is pitched unnaturally deep. It seems to echo inside of my head.
I can’t stop myself from dialing Grandma’s number. I put the phone to my cheek and listen to it ring and ring and ring until I get her voicemail. She never picks up on numbers she doesn’t recognize.
“Grandma. Ben says you need to get out of town right now, and stay away for a few days. Something about Negre hunters. It seems important to him, and I believe him. I love you.” I hit the End button, roll down the window, and as we’re at the peak of a bridge over the river, I throw the phone out.
“Please don’t ever make me do that to you again,” Ben says. He’s back to the Ben I’d slept with last night. There is so much pain in his eyes now, in every glance he dares make at me that I at least believe he did not want to do whatever it was he did that made me obey him. He certainly didn’t do it last night. I never felt the same pull when he kissed me or undressed me that I just felt when I made the call and threw the phone away. He takes his right hand off of the steering wheel and sets it between us, palm up. An invitation.
I cannot deny that he is what he claims to be. I’ve seen him change twice now, I felt the force with which he made me obey his commands. I also cannot deny that up until he did that, I never once felt unsafe with him, threatened, manipulated, controlled. Just that one time he scared me driving like a madman on the highway, but I think that was him not knowing how stunting in traffic affects me. It was bad judgement on his part, not bad faith. I now know my lover’s secret. I have to decide if I can still love him despite it. I have to decide if I can trust that I am in danger, and that it’s not because I fell in love with him. There is a lot I need to figure out. Fast.
I think back to every time Ben has touched me or kissed me. Never before have I felt as safe and protected as I did when I fell asleep in his arms last night.
I place my hand in his, and we both hold onto each other tightly.