“You can trust me, Kyan,” Kaif tells me. But why is it a secret? It has me worried that something more is going on. I just don’t know why Kaif would keep it from me, and despite having marked and mated, I am waiting for the world to come crashing down around me. It always did. Shaking the thought away, I head for the bathroom to shower.
“I must say I like the extra showerheads,” Jonah says, stepping in behind me.
“Jonah!” I tell him.
“Dude, we were just sword-crossing. Get over it,” he says, turning the other showerhead on. I grab the soap, moving over for him.
“Don’t say it like that. You make it sound dirty,” I snap at him.
“Fine, we were rubbing dicks then,” Jonah laughs and I shoot him a look at his vulgar use of words.
“And that sounds even worse. Just stop!” I growl, and Jonah laughs.
“I would have thought you would have taken a disinfectant bath,” Jonah chuckles, snatching the soap from my hand.
“I told you sex is different,” I tell him.
“I didn’t say it was a bad thing. I was trying to understand it,” Jonah says.
“Well, I don’t even understand it,” I admit.
“Well, try to explain it,” he says while dropping the soap in my hand and turning to face me while he rinses the soap off.
“Doesn’t that hurt?” I ask, glancing at his dick. I still can’t believe he made me go with him when he got that done.
“You know it didn’t hurt. You were there, and stop looking at my dick!” Jonah laughs at my question.
“No, I mean, I don’t want to know,” I tell him, shaking my head.
“Curiosity killed the cat Kyan, I’ll answer, but you have to explain about the sex thing,” he says. Sighing, I nod my head.
We have always been pretty open when it comes to talking, not that we have any secrets from each other. It seems pointless when he is my guardian and can feel everything I feel and Kaif. Now that is just stronger with the mate bond now in place.
“And no, it doesn’t hurt. They move under my skin, not pull, the bars roll with movement. Why? Did it hurt you?” he asks, genuinely sounding concerned as he glances over his shoulder at me. I shake my head.
Mara seems to like his piercings, and so does he, so I suppose I could live with him having them. “No, just like a rolling sensation along my shaft,” I admit, pointing to the shampoo behind Jonah. He passes it to me.
“Your turn,” Jonah says.
“I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t understand it myself,” I tell him.
“Yeah, I know. I am just curious about why you think about it.” Jonah shrugs as we are having the most basic conversation ever. Definitely no dicks and OCD.
“I’m not sure. I think it is more to do with sensation than anything.”
“What’s the difference?” Jonah asks, and I think.
“It’s expected to be messy?” I shrug, trying to find the right way to explain. “Like the labels, I can see they aren’t straight, like a compulsion thing. I can control it. I like order, so I straighten them.”
“Sex you can’t control?” Jonah asks.
“No, I can, but as I said the sensation overpowers the mindset if that makes sense, maybe because I don’t want control over it,” I try to explain. We have had this discussion plenty of times over the years, but it is hard to explain, let alone why some things trigger certain compulsions.
“Mom is the same with locks. Drives dad up the wall,” Jonah laughs.
“Spose it is the same, though. I asked Ma that once,” I tell him.
“What did she say?” he asks.
“It’s the same with me. She gets up and checks them because she can’t sleep. If she hasn’t, it will play on her mind until she does.” I shrug, then press my face under the water.
“Yes, but she does it repeatedly,” Jonah says.
“Yes, I can be the same. I get it, though. Your mind tricks you. Repetition is predictable. Your mother checks the locks, she lies down but then wonders if she really checked the lock or wonders if she is remembering yesterday when she did, so she checks again. And sometimes again, I do the same sometimes. It can be consuming and annoying, but I am not at ease until I have convinced myself it is correct. Even if she knows she checked it, that slight doubt makes her recheck it. Does that make sense?” I tell him.
“Kind of,” Jonah mutters and shrugs.
“Maybe because you don’t suffer from anxiety as much,” I tell him.
“Much? I don’t have anxiety,” he says and I raise an eyebrow at him.
“Ah yeah, you do. When Kaif moves forward, you do. You go into fight-or-flight mode. You also do when it comes to Mara.”
“What do you mean?” he asks, setting the soap back on the niche beside me.
“I mean, you keep thinking you’re the third wheel,” I tell him. He sighs and nods. “You’re not. You are the one person that is constant in both our lives, the glue. You’ll keep us all together,” I tell him.
“But no donutting,” Jonah laughs, and I smile.
“Definitely not donutting,” I tell him, turning the shower off. I grab a towel, tossing him one before walking back into the room. Marabella is still asleep, and I retrieve some shorts before climbing in bed beside her, and Jonah climbs over both of us to lie on her other side.
Looking down at Marabella makes me think back to Kaif, blocking me out, and her weird mood earlier when I rang her. “Mara is hiding something, and so is Kaif,” I tell Jonah. Glancing at Jonah, he is nodding his head, and I wonder if he knows something, yet his following words tell me isn’t sure either.
“And Eziah, he was weird when I saw him at the apartment,” Jonah says. “But I trust Mara, so let her. If she is hiding something from us, she would have a good reason, to,” Jonah adds, trusting blindly.
I say nothing because whatever it is, Kaif also wants it kept from me, yet it keeps nagging me. Jonah is right though curiosity killed the cat, so I have to trust whatever it is, that she will come to me over it, or I have to trust that Kaif will step in if something goes wrong.
“It is nothing bad, Kyan. Just let her do this,” Kaif tells me.
“So you know what she is up to?” I ask him.
“Yes, and she is right to keep it from you, so leave it be for now. If everything goes fine, you will know. If not, you are none the wiser,” he answers cryptically.
“As long as she isn’t putting herself in danger?” I worry, chewing the inside of my lip as I peer down at her.
“I wouldn’t allow that, Kyan, and neither would Eziah,” Kaif answers.
With a sigh, I roll over. I chuck my arm over Marabella at the same time Jonah does, both of us snuggling closer to our mate. “Trust the bond: she won’t jeopardize it,” Kaif tells me as I drift off to sleep.