I retrieve some clothes, more than ready to change, and go to work. I need a distraction, something else to focus on and think about, literally anything, and work seems to be the best option.
Just as I place my shirt on the bed, Marabella’s arms wrap around my waist and she hugs my back. Her fingers slide down as she tries to undo the buttons of the pants I am painstakingly trying to do up with my shaking hands.
“Marabella, stop,” I tell her as I pull away from her.
I might have sounded a little too harsh, even if I don’t intend to, but I can’t do this now. Instead, I watch how she retrieves her pajamas. The weight of her hurt from my rejection nearly crashed me down through the bond. It sickens me to know that I will feel it even worse in a minute.
Kaif remains quiet, yet I can feel him too, and I know he hates what I am planning to do. He hates me for it. But at the same time, he feels guilty for hurting her and after he did that; it opened his eyes to the reality of the inevitable future that awaits her if she stays with us.
Kaif knows there is no escaping it, but I refuse for her to become the next Octavian woman to pay the price for a feud they weren’t part of.
“Tomorrow, I will take you back home. It is too late now, and I need to get to work,” I tell her with a sharp nod, as if I need to reassure myself I’m doing the right thing. I know I am.
“What?” she gasps out the question as she shakes her head and pulls her nightie on. “What for?” Marabella frowns as the question slips out of her lips. I can hear it in her voice, how confused she is.
I turn around to face her. She truly seems confused as she slowly climbs into my bed and pulls the covers over her naked legs. Marabella pats the spot beside her, urging me to sit down, but I just shake my head and remain glued on the spot.
“Did I do something wrong? I will learn to control shadows, Kyan. I am fine,” she says, sounding desperate. It has nothing to do with her control and it pains me that she instantly finds fault within herself, instead of seeing the situation I have put her in. While I am not sure if she is trying to convince me or herself, I stay silent and move closer to the bed while Marabella looks up at me. I hate how pleading her eyes are. It makes everything so much more difficult.
“It’s safer this way, Marabella, it is the only way,” I whisper as I shake my head and fight against the bile that is rising in my throat. I have no idea how long I will be able to keep it down, but I must. I must remain strong for her, do this for her. As much as this pains me, I need to set her free of me.
“Why do you keep saying my name like that? So formal?” She pulls a face.
My heart twinges and squeezes with the horrid, sinking feeling she is sharing with me through the bond. At this moment, I fucking hate that bond. Sometimes, it’s better to pretend to be clueless than to be in the very place the person you love is. Especially if the said place is dark and bloody.
Her eyebrows furrow as I stop a couple of steps away from the bed. “I’m fine, see it’s just a scratch. You don’t have to send me home, and Jonah will be back tomorrow.” She tries to convince me as she tugs at her nightie to show off the so-called scratch in question.
I look away. I can’t look at it without thinking about what we did to her. What those shadows will keep forcing us to do, over and over again, until eventually, we will lose her for good. Besides, the monstrosity that covers her once beautiful and flawless skin isn’t a scratch. It is a scar, a proof of our vile, and unstoppable nature. Proof of the terror we can cause her, I still can’t stop seeing the fear in her eyes or unhear her screams of pain.
“I won’t let you be the next life claimed,” I whisper as I finally approach the bed and stand right next to it. Slowly, I bend down to peck her lips. One last time.
Marabella tries to deepen the kiss and tug me closer, but I unwrap her arms from around my neck and press my forehead against hers. “I love you, don’t doubt that,” I whisper, and close my eyes. I can’t look at her anymore.
“I know you do; I love you too,” she says as she tries to reach for me again, but I quickly straighten my body and step away from her.
“Kyan?” Marabella says my name as her fear trickles through the bond. She tries to climb out of the bed, and I know that if I don’t do this now, I will never find the strength within myself to do it.
I close my eyes and let out a shaky breath. “I, Kyan Dominic Octavian.”
“Kyan, no, just wait, we-” she tries to stop me, but I force my eyes open to look at the aftermath of our doings to force myself to go through with my plan. If not now, then never. Marabella tries to jump to reach me.
“Reject you, Marabella Pierce, as my mate and Luna,” I finish, and she staggers back at the same time I do. It feels like my soul just shattered apart, into millions of pieces, its sharp edges slicing my soul to pieces.
Tears trek down her face as she chokes on her sobs and claws at her chest. Kaif wails in my head. He screams and claws himself in anguish as he feels what I have just done.
“You can take it back,” Marabella begs me, her lips quivering.
Her heartbreak nearly destroys me, but I refuse to show it now. I will suffer for what I did in my own time, on my own terms, as far away from Marabella as possible just so she doesn’t see how much this pains me too. I try to silence a sniffle as I look away from her. This is for her; I need to remind myself that I’m doing this for her – for her own good and safety.
“But I won’t,” I choke out and shake my head, willing myself to leave as soon as possible. “I can’t. I won’t be the reason you die,” I tell her, turning my back on her, I escape the room. It’s fucking painful to leave her behind, let her drown in pain and sorrow while I run away like a coward, but I need to keep her alive. Even at the expense of all the love I feel for her, I need to set Marabella free.
“Kyan, please!” I hear her scream as she runs after me, but I don’t stop. I refuse to give her time to talk me out of saving her life. Finally, she stops at the top of the stairs, and I know the weight of the bond severing is tearing her apart.
I can barely keep going myself. There is nothing I want more than to rip my own chest open and yank my heart out, just so I don’t have to feel this pain. Anything to make it stop.
Lucas comes out of the kitchen and looks at Marabella, fallen on her knees and sobbing as she keeps whispering my name, over and over again. “What have you done?” he murmurs, his shock evident on his face. as I look at him.
“What I had to do,” I tell him as I leave him behind to look after her. At least until Jonah comes back and can soothe her. Jonah will make it all better, he will protect her and make Marabella happy. And most importantly, he won’t kill her.
But for now, I need to get out of here. Need to get away from her. I can’t bear watching her like that, in such a broken state, especially since I am the one responsible for it. I have created a nightmare out of this day – we ruined her, we nearly killed her, and now, I have rejected her.
So, after everything I have done throughout the day, I run. Like a coward I truly am, I get in my car and drive away.