Answering his phone, Jonah walks out of the room. Great! Now he is upset with me too. I heave a deep sigh and look around, taking in the mess as I stand there alone.
I am left in the destruction of Kyan’s room, and I stand up off the floor, not knowing what to do with myself. In a matter of five minutes, I have been shoved through an emotional rollercoaster. My head is spinning, my heart is aching, and I’m so confused and alone right now, all I want to do is cry and crawl into my bed so I can forget the world exists.
Kyan is back to being a jerk. I thought last night would be a turning point, had some unrealistic thoughts that maybe we could work this out, but the moment Kaif gave him back control – he is back to his usual self, shattering any hope. So now what?
“We should um… what should we do?” Kora asks, coming back now that everyone is gone, and we are on our own again. I kind of hoped she would know, but she is just as mystified as I am.
We have no clothes here, no car to leave, and in a few hours, we will be back in the city anyway for Rose’s birthday. So leaving seems pointless anyway. I have no idea where I stand with Kyan or Jonah now. What he thought happened last night, but I suddenly wish for Kaif to come back.
He seems more rational than Kyan, and more accepting of me. At least Kaif wants me, and although he is a beast, knowing someone does is a bit of a relief.
“We can go shower, maybe look around?” Kora offers, unsure herself, while listening to my thoughts. I know she is trying to make me feel better, and I am thankful for her presence when I feel so alone. “Maybe we can go find Lucas. He may drive us back to the city to get some clothes, or Jonah,” she adds, trying to uplift my mood and hers.
“Yeah, we can go find Jonah and ask,” I tell her, walking out of the room to search for him.
I follow their scents, leading me back to the stairs when I look at the other steps leading to the floor above. That strange urge to go see what is up there comes back over me. What is up there? I wonder when I hear laughter and running. That draws my attention back. Curiosity has me searching for the sound.
Looking down the steps to the bottom level, I see Kyan walking across the foyer; a high-pitch squeal I recognize as Rose’s reaches my ears. He pivots at the last second, grabbing her as she goes to tackle him.
“Too slow,” he laughs as she wrestles with him.
Both of them are laughing and mucking around. The sight hurts and a sliver of jealousy creeps its way into my mind. My chest aches seeing him so casually mucking around with her when all I get from him are his frosty glares and snarls.
Kora whimpers in my head; she is jealous of Rose, jealous of how easy being around each other is for them, jealous of the way Kyan laughs and smiles with her but only yells and growls at us.
What little shred of hope Kora held onto shatters and is pulverized to dust before our eyes. Her cries in my head break my already broken heart even further. Like he just twisted the knife a little harder.
Kyan suddenly stops when he knocks Rose down again and straightens. His back tenses and he looks over his shoulder at me. He then clears his throat awkwardly, like he was busted doing something wrong.
You just fucking broke my heart, that’s what you did wrong, and you know it! I am angry, jealous, and upset. I want that with him. Why couldn’t things be that simple? And why does he have to show me he is capable of it with her but would never allow it with me?
“You should get ready for your party, Rose. I have sent Jonah to get you some clothes, and Casen will be here soon,” Kyan tells her, and her face falls, before she spots me on the stairs.
Her eyes light up, and she gets to her feet, running up the stairs two at a time and stopping in front of me. A big smile plastered on her face, and I look at her, how she glows with excitement.
Is this maybe what Kyan wants? Someone who is fun, happy, and glowing? Who would want someone consumed with darkness?
“How much fun was last night? You had a good time right, I can’t believe Kyan was there; what are the chances?” Rose gushes excitedly, pulling me down the steps toward the room she is staying in.
Kyan watches us, and I refuse to look at him as she pulls me away, rambling happily like last night never happened. And in her mind, it didn’t.
Mine, however, is still stuck in that place. Just another reminder of who I really am. The vast contrast between me and someone like Rose. And I wish to be anybody else. I hate my reality, stuck in the dark, alone.
“Yeah, so much fun,” I tell her, lacking the same enthusiasm she has. And I wonder how it must feel to actually experience happiness. What would that feel like? What would it feel like to be so excited about something it has you bouncing around, unable to contain it?
“I wonder what time Casen will get here? He is sure to stop the fun,” Rose whines while grabbing a towel off the end of her bed. I follow her down the hall to a bathroom. She clearly knows her way around this place, and that thought sends a pang of hurt through me.
Jealousy, once again, peeks its ugly head out. My heart is heavy, and I try to swallow down the tears that threaten to spill.
Rose, oblivious to my torment, starts stripping off her clothes before hopping in the shower. I avert my gaze and sit on the bench beside the sink, listening to her talk away. One thing I like about Rose is that she is happy to do all the talking.