Andrei says nothing for a few moments, and I can feel his apprehension before he finally speaks.
“I shouldn’t have said anything,” he says, kissing my forehead. “But Donnie believes you were in an actual heat, and I have to agree with him.”
I look up at him, not wanting to get my hopes up, knowing it is unimaginable.
“I think Kat healed more than your scars, Sage.” Andrei whispers.
I shake my head. It is one thing to heal scars and burns, but replacing organs is almost laughable.
Andrei grips my face in his hands. “I wouldn’t believe it either, but she healed you, love. You were putting out pheromones. You shouldn’t be able to do that if it is phantom, but you did. Your scent has changed because Kat has replaced something that was missing, something I couldn’t sense before but can now because even though you are not in heat now, it has changed your scent. You smell fertile.”
I scoff. “That’s not funny, Andrei, and you shouldn’t joke about things like that. You don’t say shit like that and give me false hope. I learned to live with knowing I can’t have children. Don’t give me some bullshit that it suddenly changed, only to find out later you have to take those words back just because you can’t live with the disappointment of never having something you desperately wanted.” My eyes burn as tears blur my vision. Why would he say that?
“I know it is something I should be able to give you, but it will never happen,” I tell him, pushing off his chest and climbing off him.
“Sage!” Andrei sighs, but I ignore him.
“Donnie wouldn’t have reacted that way unless-”
“No, I don’t want to hear it. The doctor said I could have phantom heats, that is all this is, now drop it,” I tell him before walking off into the bathroom to shower so I can go get our son and bring him home.
Andrei
I shouldn’t have said anything, and I know that is something Sage worries about most. What she is most insecure about when it comes to being an Alpha’s mate.
She doesn’t feel worthy of being Luna because she can’t provide an heir. Sage needs to realize I already have one, Jonah, and nothing will change that, even if she carries my pups. He is as much ours as any blood-born child would be, just like I was Anthony’s.
Jonah will become Alpha, and even if we didn’t have Jonah, and if Donnie is wrong and it is a phantom – I would hand the title down to someone else like Casen or Vince, so why she feels that way is beyond me.
Her being infertile never once crossed my mind as a reason to reject her. Nothing did, and that would never change.
I don’t want her for her ability to give me an heir. I want her. It doesn’t matter if she can carry my pups, or not. She is mine, and nothing will change that.
“It was real. We didn’t imagine it,” Donnie says to me as she shuts the bathroom door.
I hear the lock slip in place and decide to let her calm down instead of arguing with her and beating the door down. I know, until she realizes herself, nothing I say will change her mind about believing me.
“I know,” I tell him.
“Sierra thinks it’s a phantom heat too, but I know it wasn’t. I know her scent; I know our mate, Andrei. She is with pup now.” Donnie stresses.
“I guess we will find out in a couple of weeks, or if Sierra suddenly can’t shift,” he nods in agreement, but I can feel his excitement bleeding into me.
Despite what Sage believes, I would know her scent anywhere.
It has changed and become more intoxicating, sweeter than I realized, making me understand Kat had done the impossible.
She took all Sage’s broken pieces and put them back together – made her whole again. The events will permanently scar Sage’s mind. However, the physical side is no longer a reminder when she looks in the mirror.
To live the horrors, she did, and to come out the other side with the inner strength she has, the capacity to still love and be loved, amazes me. She is mine. I can weather any storm with her by my side because she won’t let me drown.
Sage taught me more than I thought I needed to know – that what happens to us doesn’t define us unless we let it. What others do to us is never a reflection of who we are, but of those that did it.
She makes me want to live again, and Sage gives me hope. She is my redemption. And I will aim to be worthy of her every day. She has no idea what she means to this pack, means to me, and it will always be more than she could ever fathom.
She saved us, and she gave my pack back their ability to move on, to forgive ourselves for what we had no control over.
My men and I blame ourselves for not getting back in time to save our loved ones. Sage showed them it was okay to let live, that it is possible to move on and leave the past where it belonged in the past.
Not forgotten but forgiven, the blame and conviction have no place in our futures, so we shouldn’t let it dictate our lives or live in its shadow. Our destinies are for us to determine, not the past.
Sage showed me I can forgive myself for not saving Angie and my pack because the blame was not on me. It was the actions of others, and I will no longer take fault for those actions, so I forgive them for what they did and what they took from us, not because they deserve forgiveness, not for them, but for myself to move on. I have no place left for hate.
Forgiveness is the key to moving on, not dwelling on a past that I am no longer living.
Jonah and Sage are the only future I need. No matter what happens, all I need is for them to keep getting up and keep trying to earn forgiveness for my sins.
The ones I made after losing my pack. The dreadful things I did to the rogues. I see it for what it is now. I am the monster of someone else’s past now, and mine no longer haunts me, but I need redemption for my sins, and Sage gave me hope that redemption is possible.
That is the reason I will never forget where Sage came from, because she has come a long way, and I need the reminder that we can live again, despite our past. Sage believes they defeated her, but after surviving the horrors of her past, they never broke her.
Sage made herself a warrior and took her life back. She is the most remarkable person I know, and she proved strength was never physical.
Real strength shows through a person’s character. Sage feels deeply and loves fiercely. Her tears flow just as freely as her laughter, and she is a soft yet strong and inspiring, pure-hearted woman. She more than deserves her place in our pack. She is my mate, and she is Luna; Sage is mine.